Murder Me Kindly| H.S

11- Sweet Asshole

Carmen Amor

Harry Styles is officially the sweetest, mean person I've ever met hands down.

I know I said before how I didn't like to make assumptions about people but I human and I did have multiple assumptions made up in my head against Harry.

To sum it all up I just thought he was a asshole, which he is, but he's a sweet asshole.

Kinda like how when you make lemonade, at first it's all sour and bitter, and then you add some sugar and boom, that's the best analogy for Harry.

Kinda proud of myself for thinking of that.

But as I was saying, I thought he was a asshole and then he turned out to be a sweet asshole.

When he came into my hospital room and saw me awake and healthy I visibly saw him relax.

I don't know why but it was comforting in a way; seeing him care about me even if it was just a little bit.

To say I was surprised when he asked me to show him friendship would be an understatement.

What's another word for insanely shocked? I don't know I'm too tired to think of one.

He looked like a little boy expecting a punishment when he was asking me. Like yeah I get maybe that'd be a little embarrassing but I'd never judge someone off of other people's actions against them.

Harry obviously wasn't shown any affection or at least not enough in life so he became accustomed to not feeling it.

When we feel things we've never felt it can be incredibly overwhelming.

Like when you get so mad you see red, that's a rare emotion. It's rare you get so mad that you're shaking, adrenaline is pumping, and you can't think straight.

Now imagine feeling all of that for the first time, and on top of that you don't even know what you're feeling. That's what I assume Harry goes through with comfort, affection etc.

I was very touched he realized how he was acting towards me when I have done nothing towards him and he acknowledged it.

I was also touched that he came to me and became a little bit vulnerable. Being vulnerable is hard from what I know.

I personally don't struggle with my feelings. Rather than running away from things I like to grab them by the neck and shake them until it's better.

I embrace all emotions. It's a blessing and a curse.

When I'm happy, I'm really happy. When I'm sad, I'm really sad. Reason number one as to why I try and keep a carefree attitude.

If I take the energy to care then I'd constantly have overwhelming emotions coursing through me. But nonetheless I still embrace what I feel.

So back to what I was saying, Harry was vulnerable with me. Even if he didn't spill all his greatest secrets he still showed me something.

And that's all I can ask for.

All I want is for him to stop bottling up all his emotions. One day that bottle will bust and I don't know what'd he'd do when or if it does.

But I don't want to find out.

Even if I don't know Harry well I still care about him, even if it's not a lot.

Harry is my partner, therefor his safety and well-being are incredibly important to me.

Partners work together so I want me and Harry to work together on everything.

And right now we are working on him.