Caged Bird *prequel to Angel Wings and Unchained*

Tomorrow is a New Start

I run as fast as my feet will carry me. The built up anxiety and musty air becomes too much for me I feel as though I'm suffocating and can't breathe. I run all the way up the stairs to the top of the stairwell and sit down right outside of the door. I put my hand towards the crack of the door and feel the cool breeze trickling through. I try to relax but I can't I just can't calm myself down no matter how hard I try.

"Kendall?" A sweet voice asks as I turn around.

"Sherry?"

"There's not much time, but I just wanted to tell you... I'm sorry. For everything you've gone through."

"I need to get out of here." I stammer out as she looks around cautiously to make sure nobody's around.

"I know." She says

"Come with me."

"I can't. Trust me, I want to but I can't... not now. And he really might kill you this time if you try."

"I have to do it. I can't stay here."

"I know." Is all she says, "I better go. I know you're gonna find a way out. I'll miss you, but you're right... it's for the best. I just wish I wasn't going to be around to see the aftermath"

"I know." I say and with that she walks off and a whole new wave of panic sets in. I feel like a caged animal. I'm so close to crisp fresh air but I just can't get to it. I hear footsteps behind me and I turn around assuming it's Sherry but it's not.

"Please. I feel like I can't breathe. Can I please go out there. I feel like I'm fucking suffocating or having a panic attack or something I need air. Can I please go out please." I beg trying to negotiate with Negan who just stands in front of me watching me deteriorate right before his eyes.

"Five minutes. That's for asking nicely. And I hate to break it to you, but you're spending a night in the cell." He says and I'm too distracted to even care about the second half of that statement as I push the door open and I burst onto the rooftop nearly collapsing in panic and exhaustion. The chilled air burns my lungs in the best way possible as I gasp to take as much of it in. I wipe my tears on my pants as I curl up into a ball and just sob. I choke on my own tears as the door opens behind me. I don't even bother turning around already knowing who it is. I just keep my gaze forward and stare emotionless into the horizon. My air swirls in front of me telling me it's definitely close to or possibly is below freezing temperatures. I hear the door slam shut behind me as fabric covers my shoulders. I'm quick to fling it off.

"I don't want that" I say not wanting any part of him on or near me.

"I didn't ask if you want it." He says placing the jacket back on my shoulders. Not wanting to piss him off I hold it around me. I mean it is insanely warm. He takes a seat next to me as I try to steady my breathing and appear okay.

"Kendall... I just did you one of the biggest favors of your fucking life. That son of a bitch would've broken your heart more times than I have. More than he already did." He says trying to manipulate the situation as always. The good thing is I've grown pretty well at sniffing at his bullshit.

"Neither of you were in the right. Especially you. You think you're so fucking clever with your set ups and all of your fucked up plans. You think that you're this big swinging dick macho man with your bat and your leather coat. Why do you pretend like you're this unstoppable being. When the truth is, you're scared just like all the rest of us."

"See that's the thing about you Kendall. You think you can see right through me. You don't tolerate any fake behavior and I hate to admit it but I can't fucking break you, I can't bust your lady balls no matter how fucking hard I try. No amount of intimidation, no amount of physical pain or torture. It just doesn't affect you..." he pauses, "what can I do Kendall?"

"What do you mean?"

"What can I do to make you want to stay here. To want to be here. I hate that you're always trying to run now. Always trying to be somewhere else. Trying to tune me the fuck out. Fuck I'm not saying you have to enjoy it but what can I do to make you at least fucking tolerate it. I don't like to see you fucking cry, I don't like to see you in pain. You think I like doing this type of shit? No. I don't. I just do what needs to be done and keep moving."

"Sure seems like you enjoy it." I huff as fresh tears stream down my face. Negan takes notice and sighs out. He reaches for me but I stiffen up.

"Come on, enough of the waterworks. You're tugging at my damn heartstrings here. I've seen you cry more this past week than I have the entire time you've been here. I didn't mean to push you this far... look I didn't mean to-"

"Save it." I say attempting to turn away but he's quick. He gently grabs my chin and wipes my tears with his thumbs. "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole lately, and I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. And I do sincerely mean that shit. Like from the bottom of my cold ass fucking heart. We just have to get through this last shitty ass night and then tomorrow's a fresh start."

"Yeah... a fresh start." I repeat struggling to look into his eyes but find myself forced to make eye contact. He moves in slow kissing me gently, it's been awhile since we've had a tender moment like this. This is the side of him that always keeps me coming back. The sincere honest side, not that fake bullshit he presents to everyone. That side of him is what is pushing me far away. And unfortunately this time his apology isn't enough to make me want to stay. But of course I have to make him believe otherwise.