The Upside of Falling Back To You

chapter seven | boys will be boys

THERE'S A Ronan Easton song playing on the radio as I turn onto Alexandria Road.

Seven years should have been enough time to get into the habit of playing my own music when in the car alone, but since I'm always too lazy to actually connect my phone to the car bluetooth, I'm stuck with the radio playing in the background.

Break Into Pieces wasn't horrible, but there were definitely more than enough reasons for me to not want to hear the song. Not only was it from his first album, the one that was most definitely about me, but there was one line in particular that irked me every time I heard it.

And here it comes again.

"I told you you're the only one that can break my heart into pieces, but I hoped it never came to that."

The line that referred to the song title, the one that technically wasn't his to use. It's not like I remember every single line I write, but I remember how I ended that note to him: and I regretted writing it every moment since then.

I hope you know that you're the only one that can break my heart into a million pieces, but as cheesy as it sounds, I hope that never happens to us, was what I scribbled onto the piece of paper we were passing around in French at the end of ninth grade. I still remember my cheeks burning when the teacher asked me to read that aloud in class when he caught us.

So yeah, most of the time, listening to his songs weren't a great experience, but I manage to survive. At least I don't have to listen to the bridge of the song, since I pulled into the outdoor parking lot of Jesper's building. I cut the engine and grab my back pack from the back seat before heading upstairs.

In the elevator, I try Jesper's phone again. He wasn't picking up, so I didn't get to tell him I was coming over for a minute. If he did pick up, I would've just told him to drop it off at my parents', but clearly he was busy doing something else.

He's lying on the couch when I walk in, head pressed into the pillows, a blanket draped over his body. It didn't matter that it was -10° outside, he would always sleep shirtless. I guess the heating would make that more bearable.

But though my boyfriend looked absolutely adorable still asleep, the rest of the house was nothing short of disgusting. A pizza box laid open on the kitchen counter, pieces still in it. A bottle of wine wasn't screwed shut and a half empty glass was on the table. Our tiny Christmas tree was knocked over.

"Babe, what the hell happened here?" I said aloud, wondering if Jesper could hear me. "It's like a storm passed through. I know I wasn't here for a week, but I didn't expect you to turn this place into a pigsty."

Jesper still doesn't respond. I slowly walk across the room to him, shaking him gently. "Jesper? Earth to Jesper? Are you in there?" I notice he reeks of alcohol, as if he spent the night partying. That couldn't be right - he should've been with his family, at least for the evening.

I shake him again, just a little harder this time. This time he groans. "What the hell-" His eyes squint open. "Asteria? What are you doing here?" He rubs his eyes, surprised to see me.

I get a sniff of him as I lean in to kiss him on the lips. "Oh, God, you reek. It's like you haven't showered since the morning I left for work." My nose wrinkles. "Anyway, don't you hear your phone ring? I'm here to grab my Polaroid camera, I forgot it the other day."

"Okay, okay-" He buried his face into his pillow. "I'm tired, I'm going back to sleep."

My mouth twitched up, trying to smile, but something was off. "How much were you drinking last night?" I asked him bluntly. "I would've thought you'd go to your parents' too, and probably spend the night there."

"My siblings weren't over for Christmas this year so what's the point?" he said, shifting his eye back to me. One was looking up from the pillow, trying it's best to stay open.

I picked the tree back up, fixing a few of the plastic ornaments. "The point is to be with your family, at least your parents. That's not a horrible thing, you know?"

Jesper mumbled something I could barely hear.

I bit my lip. "Mom really liked the earrings you got me. She said you really know how to pick stuff that suits me."

"That's good," I managed to make out from his mumbles. "You're kind of hard to shop for, I'm glad I managed to hit the mark again."

He couldn't see the tint of disappointment in my eyes. Jesper knew I wasn't too fond of anything with fancy rocks, and he ends up going out of his way to get my diamond earrings this year. I'm grateful, honestly, but after the last few years of heartfelt, thoughtful gifts, something also felt off with this year's gift, too.

I get up and head towards out bedroom. "I'm going to grab my camera and head out again, okay? I'll see you in a few days for New Years?" It was more of a question. We didn't have any real plans for New Year's Eve yet, so if we didn't plan anything, I might as well spend it with my family, too.

He groans in response. I roll my eyes and walk into the bedroom.

The camera is right where I left it, on the top shelf of his desk. I pack it carefully into my bag, tucking in the strap of it's own case inside. A quick look around the room made me disgusted - it was as messy as the other rooms.

Boys will be boys, I guess.

Oh well, this wasn't my problem for now. If Jesper doesn't clean it up by the time I come home from the trip, I'll just make him do it then, or I'll deprive him of whatever else he wants from me.

I'm just about to leave, when I catch something in the corner of my eye. A strap of purple underneath the bed, almost looking like it was supposed to be hidden away. I grab it and rush back into the living room.