The Upside of Falling Back To You

chapter eight | my heart was glass, you dropped it

"WHAT THE HELL is this?" I probably looked insane holding up the purple bra in front of him.

Jesper really was getting on my nerves as he groaning again, looking up. He almost looked confused that I was holding it. "You're a girl, you know what that is."

"Okay, maybe I should be clearer." Jesper looks afraid by my tone, finally sitting upwards and actually looking at me. "Who's is this?"

"Isn't it yours?" He said, but there's something in the way he said it, like there was a moment of hesitation, or even panic, before he replied.

"Yeah, if my boobs were about two cup sizes bigger." I dropped the garment onto the floor. "So do you want to explain what it's doing in this apartment?"

Jesper stands up, tucking his hands into his pajama pant pockets. "Asteria, I think you're overreacting-"

"OVERREACTING?" I don't think my voice has ever grown this loud in a conversation with Jesper, but it was like a switch was flipped inside of me. "As long as you can tell me where this came from, I'll calm down."

And that's when the front door swung open again, making me jump, revealing another woman that was about our age - actually, someone that I knew from high school and university - Felicity Abbot. She held a brown paper bag in her hands, which I knew was from Jesper and my favourite bakery across the street.

So I guess I got my answer.

Her face grows small as she sees the two of us. "Asteria - you - he - I -" She's at a loss of words. It was nothing new, because so was I.

I knew Felicity was one of the several people from high school that still followed me on Instagram. I know she actively likes, even comments, on all my posts - which for a while have all included Jesper.

She puts the bag on the kitchen counter and walks back out.

I turn my attention back to Jesper. "What the fuck was that, Jesper? Why the fuck was there another girl in your apartment?"

He couldn't deny it anymore. The timing was just too perfect.

But Jesper still doesn't talk, instead tries to avoid any sort of eye contact with me. I don't know how that's helping his case, because I'm still here. I'm still standing in front of him, demanding answers, and he should know I'm not leaving without getting them.

There's a whirlwind of emotions inside of me, but there's one thought repeating in my head. Don't cry, don't cry. Jesper Larsen does not deserve to see you cry right now.

"JESPER!"

"Fine, you want to hear it?" I nodded. Of course I wanted to hear this. I needed to hear this, because in my eyes. Our relationship was perfect. Where did I mess up?

But he doesn't start. I rolled my eyes, annoyed. "Talk, asshole."

"There's no action in our relationship! I can barely get you into bed! And when I do manage to convince you, you never wanted to do more-"

"Hold up-" It took me a minute to wrap my head around his words, but when I let it settle in my brain, I looked at him dumbfounded. "This is about sex? This is about me wanting more from our relationship than fucking each other every other night? That's why you decided to cheat on me?"

"I wanted to feel something."

"You'd rather feel horny than have comfort in a relationship? Than the feeling of trust between you and your partner? I didn't realise that the only thing you wanted from me was the sex, oh my god." I look around the room, not wanting to look at him. "I feel so stupid. I really thought that you were the guy, but you're just like every other fucking guy in the universe, who's only need in life was to fuck as many girls as they can. So how long has it been since you started screwing Felicity?"

He gulped, growing small. "About a year."

And that hurt. That felt like a part of my heart was being ripped from my chest.

"Then what was the point of asking me to move in with you!" I shouted, my anger heightening? Did he really want to give me the false hope that we would be together. When I thought we were taking the next steps, he decides he wanted to be a teenager, trying to get everything he wanted.

How many outings with his friends were actually him sneaking into Felicity's apartment for the night? How many of my visits to my parents were a ploy to get Felicity into this apartment.

Don't cry. Jesper Larsen doesn't deserve to see you cry.

I walked back into the bedroom, grabbing the spare luggage in the closet. Screw being neat, I tossed the rest of my belongings in the suitcase, which wasn't a whole lot. My head told me to keep most of my stuff at home, and I hate that it made the right call.

"Oh, come on Asteria." Jesper, followed, running into the room. I tried to ignore him, grabbing my work stuff from the desk and packing it up. "We can forget any of this happened, I can end it with Fel and we can return to it being the two of us because I still want there to be an us-"

The last book I had, I dropped onto the table, a loud bang echoing through the apartment, making him shut up. "You still want us to be together? How arrogant are you? It doesn't matter if you end things with Felicity, the whole point is that you cheated on me. That's a violation of my trust."

"Just give me a second chance, Asteria!"

The audacity of this bitch. "No, absolutely not, Jesper. I don't give second chances." At least, not anymore.

I walk out of the room. I grabbed my backpack and swung it over my shoulder, pulling out my keys. I pull off Jesper's Christmas gift from last year - the key to his apartment, and throw it onto the floor.

I was done here. I grabbed the handle of the luggage and began to head towards the door, ready to leave this place - and Jesper - behind.

"Well, it's not like you were honest about everything to me!"

I stop, turned around slowly and crossed my arms. "And what exactly does that mean?"

Jesper took out his phone and began searching for something. When he has it, he shows me - it was a screenshot of a post on Ronan's Instagram, a picture of us at prom, before our world came crashing down. It's taken on the front steps of my house, both of us looking straight into each other's eyes, looking so in love.

"My past relationships are none of your business, and you know that." Why would I bother talking about my exes, when he was the one I wanted to be with. "It's not like I know your dating history."

"It matters if your ex is a global superstar-"

"No, it doesn't," I make it clear. "There's no difference between him and any other ex in the world, because there's a reason why we're not together anymore. There's a reason why I don't want to talk about him anymore. There's a reason why I thought you were a better guy to waste my time with, but I guess not. At least he never explicitly cheated on me."

Jesper Larsen doesn't deserve to see you cry.

"But still you decided to spend the holidays with him."

"I INVITED YOU TO SPEND IT WITH ME, TOO!" I practically screech. But when I say that, it hits me - how did he know we spent the holidays together? I'm not sure if Vi posted photos yet, but it's not like Jesper followed her...

I drew in a deep breath. My face burned with anger. I wanted to punch a wall. But I kept that part of me in.

"One more thing before I leave." I go over to the TV stand and grab his Christmas present from me.

"Hey, wait-"

I don't wait. I don't turn back as I pulled my luggage out the door and down the hall into the elevator. I hold back the whole ride down to the lobby and make my way to the car, throwing the luggage into the back seat.

When I'm back behind the wheel... that's when I break.

☙

a/n every week i almost forget it's friday

time does not exist anymore.

anyways, hope you're enjoying! :)