The Upside of Falling Back To You

chapter thirty three | martin family secrets

MY BRAIN WAS too foggy to do anything. I think I'm coming down with something.

Getting sick wasn't too common for me, but if I do get sick, it hits me like a truck. So the goal for the rest of today is to not do anything that was going to put me in a position where I'd have to call a sick day for tomorrow. It was a pitch meeting I desperately needed to attend, and missing it might lead to me getting fired.

Now if only I could finish my work before then, because the finally edits were going way too slowly for my liking. And it didn't help that I couldn't eat dinner up in my room, because Mom and Dad are insisting on some family dinner.

When I heard the knock on my door, it was the first time I looked up in at least half an hour. Griff leaned against the door, and something told me he was watching me curse to myself for much longer.

"Hey!" I got up from my chair and gave him a bear hug. "Is it just me or do you look more mature?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. That's what happens when you suddenly have to do at least half the chores in the house on a daily basis." He steps out of the hug. "Now, you on the other hand look like you haven't slept in a while."

"Well, you are actually right about that." I closed my laptop and leaned against the desk. "How are you? How's Adri?"

"Great, we're great. It's been great." Griff crossed his arms. "Except, do you have any idea what Mom and Dad wants to talk about? They seemed off when they called me to come over."

I shrugged. "No clue? Did they actually sound that concerned to you? It's probably something about Aunt Lucy's next potluck or something. I don't think there would be anything big about it, right?"

Before Griff could respond, Cas shows up at my door. "Hey Cas. Now you decide to see me. I was at your door, first." Griff wraps an arm around him. "You probably don't know what Mom and Dad are up to, do you?"

Cas shrugs. "I guess not."

Griff glances up to me. He's lying.

The pause in the conversation grows uncomfortable, and Cas adds to it. "I'm really sorry, guys. I'm sorry I ruined everything."

And then it's concern that fills me. "Castor Martin, what the hell are you talking about?"

I couldn't guilt it out of him. Mom calls the three of us downstairs. My mind is racing with all the possible things Cas would've known about that Griff and I didn't. We've been in and out of the house, yeah, but we didn't move out at the same time. We didn't go too far for university. What possible secret did Cas figure out and didn't tell us about.

We sit around the dining table, and again I could tell something was off. The table wasn't set, dinner was still in the oven. Mom and Dad sat across from me and Griff while Cas took the head.

"Oh, so we're having dinner without the dinner," Griff comments. "This is going to be a great meal."

Mom pursed her lips. "We told you kids we needed to discuss something and we didn't think it would be fair if we kept it until the end." She looks at each of us carefully. "Your father and I have to tell you kids something." She looked to him.

And that's where I notice that Dad can barely look her in the eye. "Asteria, Griff, Cas, you kids are old enough to know and notice that your mother and I haven't had the smoothest relationship for the last year."

I gulped. No, no no no this could not be happening.

"We've been fighting a lot more and I'm sure you kids have been tired of hearing it," he continues. "We've tried to make this work, really. We've tried counseling, tried to work out everything, but we can't keep doing this."

Griff's mouth hangs open. "No, you guys-"

"We are going to be legally separating," Mom said in a soft voice. "A divorce. I'm going to be going to your grandmother's by the end of the week."

I'm frozen. I couldn't... I wasn't even sure if I heard the words coming from my mother's mouth correctly. "Divorce? You're getting a divorce? Why?" I asked. "Why have you been fighting so much? Why did you suddenly decide to divorce now?"

My mom tries to calm me down. "Asteria, it's complicated-"

"Dad isn't my biological father."

My head snaps towards Cas. Same goes with Griffin. My youngest brother looks smaller than he's ever been. He sniffs, wiping the back of his sleeve against his nose.

I get out of my chair and slam my fists into the table as I turn to my parents. "WHAT? What the fuck?"

My mother hesitates. "It was a long time ago, Asteria. Your father and I had some issues when you and Griffin were just kids. I did some things that I definitely regret now."

"You had an affair!" I screamed. "You cheated on Dad. And you got pregnant?" And suddenly I'm remembering the conversation I had with Ronan. An affair. But I only considered my dad, because never would I have thought that my mom would think of cheating on someone.

I turned to Dad. "You only found out Cas wasn't your biological son last year, didn't you?" It started to click now. "That's what started this. The fighting."

"Asteria, calm down."

"No!" I stepped away from my mother. My heart was pounding, blood racing through my veins. "You do not get to try to calm me down. You cheated on Dad. You pretended he was the father when you got pregnant. You spent sixteen years lying to this family, Mom. You think you can get me to calm down? When Ronan supposedly cheated on me in high school, you were there for me. Gosh, my last relationship ended because Jesper cheated on me and eventually you were there for me, too. But all this time, you were a cheater yourself. I can barely even look at you."

I coughed, trying to stop the tears in the corner of my eye from flowing down my cheeks. I couldn't look at my siblings. I could barely look at my dad without picking out the hurt in his facial expression. I guess Mom and Dad didn't expect us to stay for dinner after this. That's why nothing is set.

I don't sit back down. I wait for someone else to say something.

It ends up being Dad. "We wanted to make this work until Cas turned eighteen, but things just started to fall apart. Cas, you're old enough to decide who you want to stay with and when. And, uh, I guess that's... that's all we had to say, yeah."

To see Dad so calm when I knew he was hurting was a hard sight to see. And I knew that if my parents wanted to have dinner as a family one last time before the divorce, it wasn't going to happen.

I run upstairs and get my stuff. I don't even look to the dining table as I walk out the door without saying a word. I couldn't stay in there, I couldn't look at my mother without wanting to throw up and I couldn't look at my father without thinking about how hard this year must've been for him.

And I barely noticed.

The glow of the sun was fading. I felt the wind on my skin, the utter silence of my neighbourhood compared to the arguments that filled my house for the last year. All those arguments my little brother had to hear, thinking that it was all his fault.

Everywhere I turn, I see heartbreak. I feel heartbreak.

And tonight, I wanted to feel something other than that.

☙

a/n hi. tell me your thoughts

um yeah. idk what else to put in this author's note. i have no life updates

see you friday <3