The Upside of Falling Back To You

chapter eighteen | midnight

HOW DO YOU FEEL lonely when you're surrounded by a crowd of people?

The clock continues to tick towards midnight. In the midst of a cold, Canadian winter, sweat sticks to my skin. The music is blaring, and if it's not the DJ, it's Ronan and his friends - from Berkeley and elsewhere - singing over the mic. Bodies are pressed together, whether its friends dancing or couples pressing lips against lips. Rounds of beer pong and strip poker went on and on. It was a great party, considering it was thrown together pretty last minute.

I bring the glass to my lips, feeling the liquid flow down my throat. I'm having a good time, at least, I was having a good time, until someone else caught my eye.

"Oh, come on-" The host of the party makes his way over to me, red solo cup in hand. He discards it somewhere behind the counter of the makeshift bar. The bartenders didn't mind him leaning against the table while taking a good look at me.

Ronan Easton was not drunk yet - perks to him and the guys winning two rounds of beer pong against us. He moves my glass away from me, actually handing it to the nearest bartender. Vicky, I think her name was.

"What, this party isn't shaping out to be the level-eleven party you imagined it to be? You were just with Jamie and Parv."

"No, no! It's great, the party's great. But..." My voice trailed off. Ronan was waiting for a response. Clearly my opinion on his party-throwing skills was important to him.

I sighed. "Who did you even invite to this?"

"Like, my team, a few friends from LA, probably our entire graduating class-"

"And our classmates, they were allowed to bring anyone with them?"

Ronan nodded slowly.

I looked behind me, trying to look unsuspicious. There had to be at least a hundred people in here, I shouldn't be worried if someone caught me staring at them, but I'm pretty sure this particular person was staring back at me.

"To my left, the girl in the silver dress, blonde hair in a bun and the hoop earrings. She's dancing with the blonde guy. You see her?"

He glances behind me. "Yeah."

"Do you remember who she is?"

I guess you don't end up thinking twice about who you invite to parties when you're famous, because Ronan couldn't put a finger on it.

"You dumbass, that's Felicity Abbot."

And it hits him. "The guy is your ex." I nodded. "Shit, Aster, that completely escaped my brain. If you want, I could get security to throw him out-"

"Oh, god no." I grab his hand to stop him from moving. Quickly, I move it away. "It'll make too big of a scene, I don't need that."

Now that I brought it up, he can't stop looking over my shoulder to get a glimpse of Jesper. "Man, you dated that guy? You're so out of his league. I mean, just look at - oh shit, he's looking this way."

His head jerks away and he faces me. My first instinct, for some reason, is to look back at Jesper, but Ronan stops me, bringing his hand to my face and making sure I was looking at him, not my ex.

"What are you-"

"Don't let him get to your head. Don't make him think you want him back, because that's what's written all over his face."

"He's with Felicity now-"

"You're still on his mind. He wants you back, Aster. Don't him try to convince you that you still want him."