Before Strawberry Candies - Ariana grande x You (girlxgirl)

Part 14

⚠️Trigger warning⚠️ the episode contains suicidal thoughts and actions⚠️

Later we sat down and had an amazing dinner with the fam. Frankie said sorry for his comments and I told him that I overreacted and said sorry. Even tho he's right, I like to keep these things for myself for a little while. "I'm so happy you guys came." Mom said as we started to get ready to leave. "Thanks for inviting us, mom. Food was delicious as always." "Yes, it was amazing. Thank you for having us." Y/N said politely which was very cute. "Oh, anytime honey. Will you spend Thanksgiving with your family?" My mom asked from out of nowhere. "I don't know, my family is all over the place these times." She took a glance at me and I just told her with my eyes that I don't know what's happening either. "If you want to you can spend it with us. A good friend is always welcome, right Ari?" I snapped my head at her and smiled. "Always." Suspicious people around here.

We were on our way home, well our apartments. The car ride was silent. No music, no talking. I was just looking out of the window and at times I looked at her. Her right hand was on the steering wheel, her left hand was resting on the edge of the door by her elbow and it was holding her head with it. The jewelry on her sometimes lit up when a street lamp light came in the windows. At times she would play with her hair if there was a red light. Her face was straight... couldn't read a thing out. She's either mad if not just tired... couldn't decide. Or sad. She always hides her emotions and that scares me. Scares me cause I can't help her if there's something on her mind that bothers her. She is full of joy all the time and she always has that beautiful smile of hers on.
When we go to work she's always the one who makes everyone think positively and cheers us up if there's a low point in there. And if I put these things next to what she said she feels in the very beginning then it just doesn't make sense.

"Stop thinking that hard." I heard her say so I just focused on her. "Was it obvious?" I asked. "Just a little." Her eyes glanced at me for a sec and then looked back on the road. "Do you want to stay at my place?" I asked, feeling like I already know the answer. "I think I'm just gonna head home. My head hurts like hell and I'm really tired." She said. "Okay." "I'm sorry." "No no, that's okay. Next time then." I grabbed her hand and gave a kiss to the back of it then kept our intertwined hands on my thigh. "About our date, how about next Saturday?" She asked as she turned into the street of my apartment. "Perfect." I smiled at the thought of our date. The car stopped. Looked out of the window and realized that we arrived at my place. "Text me when you get home, okay?" I told her. "Of course." She smiled and nodded. "Okay... see you tomorrow, right?" I opened the door. "As always." Her eyes were tired but could still see that she was smiling with them. I gave a kiss on her cheek and all over her face which made her chuckle. Finally kissed her normal and fell in love again. Again and again.
Pulled away and looked into her eyes, saying I love you with actually saying it. "Good night!" I whispered. "Sleep well!" Gave a kiss on my forehead, which I love very much, then I got out of the car. "Dream of me," I told her before closing the door. Heard her saying always then she drove away. I was standing in front of my apartment building, watching my life drive off to the dark night.

*Y/N's POV*

As I made my way home, alone, my tears just started running down my cheek. All the shit that I've been keeping on for so long just came into my mind and just made me think I'm the worst person ever. Why am I kidding? I could never have a good relationship with Ariana. She's been through so much shit and I'm not gonna be the one who breaks her for the last time. I just can't be in a relationship. No person deserves to be with my crazy ass.
All those people on the internet saying stuff about without ever actually meeting and shit like that. All of them make me feel useless and unworthy. Always struggled with other people's opinions. And now that I have so much attention on me, it makes it worse. All this fame just gives me anxiety and makes me depressed.