Before Strawberry Candies - Ariana grande x You (girlxgirl)

Part 24

These past few days were just like hell. I was alone. I felt miserable. Ariana and I didn't talk for a second or text. Slowly shifting away from each other. Since she had the breakdown and we had the moment on the plane, everything was different. I still feel like shit for being in love and it's just not good. It's not what we need.

I was thinking about this all day. Should I call her or not? But here I am, the words already typed in, ready to be sent.

Baby❤️: Hey, do you wanna maybe come over? Have dinner and talk? If you're not busy or something

I pressed send and closed the phone, not even wanting to know if she sees it. I was just sitting there, staring at the muted movie that was playing. Curled up in a blanket on the couch. That's what I've been doing for the past three days. I didn't have the energy to do anything else.

A couple of minutes later my phone binged and I grabbed it quickly. At least she texted me back.

Angel🤍: sure
Angel🤍: I'll be there soon

How did I get here? Everything was just fine last week.

I was watching the movie, still muted, not wanting the sound to disturb my thoughts. I ordered food that came not long ago. So I was just waiting for her. Seconds later soft knocking broke the silence. I wrapped the blanket around myself and walked to the door.

"Hi," I said quietly. I probably looked terrible, because she looked me up and down and gave me a concerned look. "Hi." She said on a sad note. She walked in slowly. Sat on the couch and looked like she was hit by a truck. Her hair was in those messy space buns, no makeup, and some big old sweatshirt and sweatpants. I grabbed our food and forks then sat next to her keeping our distance. She let out a quiet thanks after I gave her the usual Pad Thai she eats.

Sitting there in the silence was very... tense. We didn't talk and the only sound was when one of us's fork hit the side of the box. We both knew what's gonna happen, but neither of us talked.

Soon we finished our food and both of us were staring at the TV. "Why is it on mute?" She asked. "It was bothering me so I just muted it at the moment it started," I said, not even taking the energy to look at her.

The credits started showing and I've never found those more interesting than now. My eyes caught her moving around so I just thought that it's time.

I sat up straight, giving my full attention to her. How do I start this... "Not gonna lie, these past few days have probably been one of the worst that I ever had." I said, looking down at my hands. Tears were already forming in my eyes, but I blinked them away quickly. "Uhm..." I let out a shaky breath and looked up at her. She wasn't in a better state. Looked very sad, her hands were shaking. "I never in this world thought that I would have someone like you in my life. You walked in with that perfect smile of yours and I fell head over heels for you. Not gonna lie, scared the shit out of me..." I chuckled dryly. A small smile appeared on her face which gave a little comfort. "But that certain voice was there all along, that I'm not enough and that I don't deserve this. Even tho you tried so hard to make those fade away and uhm..." A tear slid down my cheek and I just suddenly found my hands very interesting. "I just... I can't let that take away the happiness of this relationship. We had such a good time these past few months and I'm just so mad that we ended up in this fucked up situation because I love you so much." Now the tears just run like there was no tomorrow. Heard her sniff and I slowly lifted my head to see her wiping her tears off of her cheeks. "I was so sure about us, you know. Like I didn't see us not working out because I've never loved anyone as I do you and I was so sure." She said. The pain in her voice just made me even sadder. "I have to deal with my past before I jump into this new... chapter. And I'm not emotionally stable enough to have the perfect relationship. I have too much baggage that I have to fix. I can't do that to you, because I love you too much to put you through that. And at this point, I don't know why... why it's not working. We love each other so fucking much and It just makes me mad that I can't have you." She said. Her voice was cracking now and then. Constantly wiping away her tears. From her words, I just cried even more. "I'm sorry," I said. Looked into those big brown eyes that I fall for and love so much. The usual happiness in them changed into pure pain. "Me too." She said quietly and stood up. Walked closer and gave me a long forehead kiss. One of her hands rested on my shoulder and I put mine on it, giving it a light squeeze. "I love you." She whispered. Never thought that those words would break my heart this much. "I love you," I said quietly, and then she stepped away. Then grabbed her jacket and walked to the door, opening it. We locked eyes one more time and she gave me a broken smile. Stepped out of my apartment and the door closed.