I take my cigarettes and the lighter that were in the pocket of my flannel, I sigh... Should I do this?
I'm feeling so stressed right now. I know that even though my life is not pretty and full with rainbows and butterflies, I don't have the worst life; right now kids are dying, women are being abused, boys are being bullied, people is being killed... someone is probably suffering even more than me.
I can have it so much worse but the fact that I've been through so much, makes me doubt if I have the strenght to face the future, to face what will come tomorrow.
Trying to stop myself from overthinking, I light up a cigarette and take one drag, shutting my eyes and sitting on the floor.
I know Harry's going to notice... I know he's going to hate me, I know how he's going to look at me.
But... I do not care.
Go ahead. Another one. That fucking annoying voice in the back of my mind says.
I throw the cigarette to the toilet when I've finished it, contemplating my situation.
I do what the negative side of my brain says and I light up another one, breathing the smoke and filling my lungs with pure cancer.
The worst part about this is that I know what they're doing to me, I know what I am doing to my own self but my brain is so fucked up.
Harry knocks on the door but I remain silence. Shit, what am I supposed to do?
"Cassie?" He says, I don't say a word."Cassie, open the door. Please." His voice is growing louder and nervous by the seconds and I can sense his worry.
I can't open the door. Dammit, I can't dissapoint him again. I don't want to see that sad look in his green eyes.
"You're not letting me another choice..." He mutters.
The next I hear is silence... And then, a horrible and loud sound fills the air: he's trying to nock the door down.
"Shit!" He yells before trying again, some minutes pass when everything's silent.
A couple of seconds later, I can tell he's back because I hear his steps.
"I'm opening the door!" He yells. Damn, he's got another key.
I'm only in my underwear! I fastly stand up, running to the bathtub but before I have the chance to hide, he carefully opens the door and Harry appears. His eyes look around the room until he sees me standing on the bathtub, his glance travels down to my body I'm suddenly aware that I'm almost naked so I cover myself with my arms.
His expression changes when a frown appears in his forehead and his eyes are focused in one thing: my hand.
"That's not going to fucking help you, Cassie!" That's what he thinks... He takes some steps closer to me, making me feel like a little ant that's about to be stepped in.
"Don't smoke in my house." He tells me, taking the cigarette away from my hand.
That sentence makes me feel like I'm out of place - which in fact, it's truth. He's the one who brought me here, he's the one that told me to stay and almost forced me to. I feel like I'm invadating something.
He keeps telling what I'm doing wrong and what I'm doing right and it's making me feel uncomfortable, angry and unwelcomed.
"Can you stop doing that?" I ask, feeling like a piece of shit. He looks at me in confussion. "Can you stop criticizing me?
He stares at me in surprise, he raises his eyebrows and ironically laughs, "I am criticizing you?"
"You're always telling me what I'm doing wrong! You are so dramatic, Harry." I sigh, "I'm not a baby anymore, let me do whatever the hell I want."
He shakes his head after listening to my begging.
"If you go around smoking, you're going to make me start again." I look at the ground feeling guilty. "Is that what you want?"
No. I obviously don't.
"No, I don't want that..."
"Then quit." His eyes are almost begging me.
But I can't quit that easy. It's a progress, it takes time, motivation and effort - qualities I clearly don't have.
"I- I won't... I can't." I take a deep breath. Here we go again.
Harry walks closer to me, takes my lighter and a cigarette.
I step out of the bathtub and I walk closer to him, "Harry, what are you doing?"
He lights up a cigarette and takes a long drag, filling his lungs; a simple action that shatters my heart.
"I am being you. Do you like to see me do this?" He comes closer to my body, stucking me between his torso and the wall, I feel like I'm in some typical movie but then I'm taken back to reality.
"No, I don't, you're harming yourself."
If I could hold to this feelings- hurt, dissapointment and worry- longer, maybe I could stop.
Harry begins to take more drags and I fear that he won't stop until he gets tired, the thought sends a horrible, ugly sensation to the pit of my stomach.
It's like a torture, I want him to stop but he also makes me want to smoke. I have to chose between hurting myself or stopping him.
"And don't you think you harm yourself, as well?" He asks suddenly.
We stare at each other for some seconds until I'm able to continue and respond his tricky question.
"I like it. I like to, to hurt myself..." The voice runs out of my tongue before I have the chance to stop them.
Harry looks at me from another perspective, "What did you just said?"
He releases the smoke and from a moment I'm confused - he wants me to stop but he's releasing the smoke in my direction?
I try to take the cigarette from his hand but Harry acts faster and brings it to his lips, inhaling.
"Don't do this." I whisper.
"If you stop, I'll stop." He puts the cigarette aside, staring deeply at me.
I can't. I don't want to.
He brings his face close to mine, our noses almost brushing against each other, "What do I have to do for you to stop smoking?"
"Nothing. I can't-" He interrupts me by bringing the cigarette to his mouth again and taking a drag.
"I'm going to take every single pack of cigarettes away from you." The smoke leaves his lips and I feel it against my nose, I take a deep breath.
"Don't do this to me."
"You know what you have to do, Cassie."
He's so close to my face that when he releases the smoke, I can't stop myself from shutting my eyes and inhaling, feeling the smoke running through my lungs.
"If you're going to smoke, you could at least, share it with me." I complain, opening my eyes and staring at his lovely green ones.
"Do you want me to share it?" He laughs ironically. "I've got a better idea..." He says smirking.
Harry takes a long drag as he contemplates my face. His eyes are bright and the green is mixed with blue, a completely work of art.
After he's done, his lips moves closer to mine. At first I frown, what the fuck is going on? I sigh when he licks his lips and I watch as he slowly closes his eyes. I instinctively close mine, forgetting about our conversation.
It's not hard to know what's about to happen.
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what do YOU think is going to happen????
i'm super late and this update is lame but i needed to update something
we're almost reaching 10k views. how insane is that?
thanks for the reads, votes and comments! it means so much to me.
oh and don't forget to vote & comment please!
YOU ARE READING
nobody's home; harry styles.
Fanfiction"It was time for her to open her eyes and get rid of her demons... But is it possible to escape from what lives inside of ourselves?" A story in which a girl is too afraid to be helped and a boy wants to save her at all costs.
