Dark.
It's all dark.
I don't even cry anymore and I feel I won't be able to cry for a very long time. I look down at the closed casket as everyone chats about her, the good memories. I pull out the picture of my father and I, staring down at it before I place it on top of the dark brown casket.
"Faye, dear." I turn to see my beloved aunt, tears staining her cheeks. She pulls me into her arms and kisses my cheek. "How are you feeling?" She asks, her frown never disappearing.
I shrug. My heart still aches but I'm not sure how I'm feeling. "I'm okay, I guess." I answer.
"Oh, honey." She pulls me into another hug and I smile softly, holding her in return.
"I have to get ready for my eulogy." I brush a strand of my hair behind my ear as I pull back.
"Of course." She kisses my cheek again and gives me a warm smile before turning back to where she came from.
I look over at where the piano sits. It's different from my mother's, larger and darker, like everything else in this place. I walk over to the piano and sit, trying to remember the bits and pieces my mother played from her favorite piece, Moonlight Sonata.
I hit several keys, trying to find the right one and finally find it. Hitting the next keys, I'm surprised to remember some of it. I play it over and over again, my long lost family members silencing as I start to play.
I let my fingers dance over the keys until I don't know where to go so I stop. As if I were in a trance, I pull my fingers away from the keys and look to everyone, they're all watching me. I never felt close to my family and it's because of the distance between all of us. Most of my mother side of the family lived in Florida whilst my father's small family lived up in Canada. A part of me feels as if they don't belong here, that they shouldn't be allowed to be here. They didn't see her, they didn't take care of her when she needed it the most. They didn't care, until now.
I stand to my feet and step up to the podium, forcing a smile at my family. The page of my thoughts and feelings lay on the podium, staring up at me. I grip the edge of the stand, my breaths shaky. When I look up again, my eyes find the green ones I have found comfort in in the past few days. He leans against the archway of the entrance of the church, his hands in the pocket of the black suit her wears. He nods to me and I smile lightly, inhaling deeply as I divert my attention back to my family.
"I'm happy everyone was able to make it today." I start. "I haven't seen most of you in years and I know Mom would be very happy that you're here with me today." I gulp and take another breath. "Before Dad passed, Mom used to always say that death was just a part of life. But when he did pass, she stopped saying it. I mean I knew it was and I knew she wanted to stop believing it was." I breathe a small laugh. "She would've laughed at herself now and we'd all look at her in the strangest way because thats the way she was. Always surprising." I manage to get them to laugh a bit. "She's in a better place now." I say, looking to Harry again. "A place where she can start to remember her life again."
~••~
Trish hands me another glass of wine, the loud chatter of the family making me feel annoyed. This day is supposed to be about my mother, not their everyday problems. The house feels crowed and I just want everyone to leave me here alone. Trish notices how uncomfortable I feel and forces a smile, wrapping an arm around me.
"I'm moving into this house." I tell her as we make our way into the kitchen where there's less people.
"Really?" She asks as I take a gulp of the wine, nodding after I swallow. It feels right to move in; it's been too long. A part of me feels I should've moved back in a long time ago, to be closer to her before her time in earth was over. "That's great, Faye." She says.
