Travis
I sit down on the porch swing in the dark. Everyone has gone home, who can. And now it's just me.
For now. Me and—
I swing quietly for a moment before the door wings open.
"Not answering any questions right now," I murmur.
"That's okay. I'll just sit beside you, if that's okay," she whispers.
"Miss. Thought you went home?"
She nodded. "I didn't."
I nod. "Thanks."
She smiled, and we swing did a bit. "You know I don't think anyone would blame you. If you didn't do all this."
I smile. "I would blame me. We all said Wes didn't have to step up. But she did. Same now. It's me now."
We sit in silence a few moments more. I chuckle. Then I laugh. I really laugh.
"Sorry, I know it seems weird but this is what I do," I laugh. "I laugh because I don't know what else to do. And it's a little funny right? The oldest dying first I guess it's chronological order? So...I'm next."
She takes my hand. "You're not next."
"Might be. What she's got—had is genetics. And our moms a whore but...well we're all hers. So we've all got it."
I smile and she does that thing where she doesn't know what to say, so she looks for alcohol and when there isn't any, she purses her lips.
It's cute.
"Is there a test you can take?"
"Yeah. So how is your day? You saw a lot of O'Haley's today."
"O'Haleys?"
"Yeah. My last name. Yeah Ma said she didn't wanna be trashy so we're just all O'Haleys. Not even her last name she just picked it. Made it up."
I shrug. "You were gonna abort my baby before knowing my last name. That's rude yknow. But now you know so...it's a stupid, made yo last name...maybe you shouldn't give it to anyone."
She smiles. "It's nice enough. Creative with a Scottish zing."
"We're not Scottish. She said she came up with it because she thought, with Wes' hair yknow, that we were. We're not. Just trailer trash. Inbred hicks her family. "
I shrug. "Guess it was good to dream. That we could be more."
Jasmine is silent comforter. You can tell she's very uncomfortable but she's giving it her best. I appreciate it. It's why I'm not going through the motions.
Grieving brother, cry, cry. She can't handle that. She freaks out when she cries let alone me.
"I know you're hurting," she stars slowly, looking at me. "And I know I'm not the best person to be here for you, especially sober. I'm worse sober. But...I am here. And I'm not leaving. So if you wanna, cry or scream or just...sit here with you. I'm here."
We sit there for a second, and she holds my hand, and for a moment I forget my sister just died in the house behind me. But then that moment is over, as quick as it came.
Because life without her is like a vacuum. The lack of her presence is so all consuming.
"Thanks," I say eventually.
She nods. "Course. I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else."
"Even for all the wine in the world?" I ask.
She laughs. "Even for all the best wine. Top shelf, aged nicely, smooth and fruity."
I laugh. "You could use a drink,"
"And you could use me. And you need me more than I need a drink."
I smile. I appreciate it. God knows she'll never know how much I appreciate her right now.
"Thank you,"
"That's what friends are for. We're best friends aren't we?" She says gently.
I nod.
"Even more than that," she says. "And I know you wanna cry. Today...today is for you. You don't have to spare my feelings."
I smile, and look at her. "I wanna cry. But I feel like I can't breathe."
She rubs my hand, and then my back. "You know doctors sometimes tell you how to breathes they go, inhale, exhale."
I laugh. "Yeah. Deep breaths. Deep breathes."
"Yeah. In and out. Deep breaths, Travis."
So I inhale and exhale. And sure enough it starts. For the first time since I heard it.
"I wish I'd been there," I choke out, "But I'm glad I wasn't."
She holds me close, and I bury my face in her shoulder.
"I didn't wanna tell you this," I sob. "I have it."
"What?"
"The gene. I have it too." I whisper.
So she starts crying, but I can't see her through my own tears
