Travis
We're back in therapy. I told her maybe she should try going alone. Maybe she could open more. She said I had to be with her had to.
So here we are. And this time she's talking about Lorenzo.
"He calls himself an old fashion lover boy," she snorted. "Anyway, I was 13, and he was a friend of my parents. I was young. And he instantly started talking to me."
She shrugs. "And I thought it was great. Because my dad ignored me and my mother was...so him paying attention to me felt good. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to run away with him. And then he told me...he'd talked my dad."
She cleared her throat. "And that threw me. Because I knew he was too old for me so I was wondering why he would tell my father about this. Right? So he pulls out this huge ring, and he tells me, he just say yes."
She sniffs, evenly shrugging. "So I did. And I found out my parents had already agreed to it. And that made me...hesitant. Because I never liked the decisions my mother made for me. And when I learned she said yes...god. But it was too late. That ring was a...it was bomb and if I had known it wouldn't have matter anyway."
"Anyway, so with my parents permission, I was married. At 13. To this 30 year old man. And my few possession were shipped to his house. And he told me I wasn't like my friends. That I was grown I was a woman. But I wasn't. And I realized it very quickly."
She sighed, "Anyway, I thought it was a love story. I thought we had this secret love affair that I had something, someone who was mine that wasn't controlled. And then he controlled me. Everything I did and said, where I went. When I slept."
"Then I got pregnant. And it all went to hell. Anyway, I should've known better. I mean I tried to call my mother. I begged her to let me come home. And I called the police. And I told them I needed help. I didn't want a baby, I tried to get birth control, and they told me I couldn't so...I should've done something but—"
"You did everything you could. That you know how to do, Jasmine."
She peeks at me, and I squeeze her hand. I wish I didn't know any of this. How does she live with this type of shit?
"Are you okay," she whispered.
I nod. There's so much I want to tell her. I wish she wouldn't ask if I'm okay. But I don't know exactly what to say so I just nod and kiss her head.
"Anyway, Travis is hot right?" She switches topics, "don't worry, you can admit it. He looks like he robs banks charismatically."
I snort. "What? What does that even mean?"
She shrugs. "He can't watch Netflix without subtitles. Even though it's in English."
"I can't understand what they're saying!" I defend.
She laughs, making me smile. "He swears he's deaf, but if I whisper fuck he's yelling across the house what are you saying fuck for!"
"You don't use that word! Why are we attacking me?"
"We're not. I just think you're cute and quirky," she pats my cheek, looking over my face with a small smile.
God I love her.
"Oh...well. I'm not mad at that," I clear my throat looking away.
"He's blushing. Isn't he adorable?"
I really love her.
"Travis? Is there something you feel you should talk about anything?"
I pause. "Oh me? No. I'm fine."
She frowns. "And I'm damaged?"
"No! No! Uh...well my sister died recently. She's kinda like my mom. She took care of us. All of us. There's six of us, and Roman is her son so, seven. And uh...yeah she passed suddenly. Which of course sucked."
I nod, planning to stop talking.
"How does that make you feel."
I narrow my eyes. "Um...bad. Did you hear me? My sister died? I'm not clacking my heels in joy I mean..."
"Okay, obviously you're not happy. But I mean, do you miss her? Are you feeling a little resentful she died? That's normal."
I scoff. "I don't resent my sister for dying. I just think it's kinda bitchy of her is all. But I get it, it's not her fault."
I look away. "It's just everyone keeps calling me like they would her. And it's...and my best friend jus theft me their kid and was like I'm off to kill my sled deal with that I guess, which is also bitchy but I guess that's why they got along."
Jasmine squeezes my hand. Oh is this? Is she supporting me now?
"Uh...but Miss—I mean, Jasmine has been here. The whole way and she helps me out a lot. I feel better being near her."
"Have you expressed your concerns with your siblings?"
I clench my jaw. "Yeah. Yeah. Heh. You can't expect much uh...especially from the younger ones. Coop was born on Oxy and Gina on meth and you...god it shows. They just don't get anything. I told Cooper I needed him to not call me about Taxes. I don't get taxes. Wes got taxes she was good at math."
"I'm only good at Tattoos. That's what I do, right? And he keeps calling me. About the same shit. And Gina is like this...she's a trash monster. And I get that sounds wrong but she just...she comes out and she slings trash everywhere. Not literal trash—well."
No. She has done that before.
"I just mean she'll walk in a room and says something like: all of you are garbage and I hate you and I wish you would burn you little shits. Unprovoked. Just—for what?"
I sighed. "And then you know we have Pete, who can't have his own opinion. He's gotta ask Gina. And Kyle is so sensitive if you curse in front of him he assumes you hate him. Just...that you wish death on him. I don't know why."
"Flynn is...Flynn would rather eat actual dirt than have a conversation with anyone about anything. So...I mean he just disappears. And then of course Wes. Basically our mom."
"Wes is...was, amazing," Jasmine says. "She was kind and funny. Sweet. I loved her. I think anyone who met her loved her."
I nod. "Yeah. She was a care giver. She took care of everyone and then let herself die. So...I guess she failed."
