Jasmine
It's the dream again. She's here again. I roll my eyes. Here we go.
"Why are you so mean to me?" She sobs in corner. "E-every time y-you see me you yell at me—
"Because I hate you!" I scream, "I hate you and wish you would die!"
She shivers, "W-What what did I ever do to you?"
"You exist!" I sneer, "And I hate that you exist just stop existing just stop it, you pathetic worthless—"
Oh. I'm not dreaming. I'm supposed to in the bath right now. Did I fall asleep in the bath?
I should get up.
"It's not my fault. It's not my fault I exist. I didn't...I didn't do anything."
I scoff. "Yeah. You never do anything. You never do anything but cry. That's all that you do."
She sniffled. "It's just scary. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. When I tell Mom that I wanna go home she tells me I can't."
I pause. "Well, then run away. Do something—"
"Run where? I don't have anything and no one will hire me and Lorenzo can find me and mom will find me. I don't have anyone."
I look away. "Well, if it's that bad you should just die. Do something,"
She holds herself. "I want to. But I'm scared. And I don't wanna die alone. I want my mom—"
"She doesn't love you. So it doesn't matter what you want. She's not gonna help you or save you. So die or shut up. This whining has got to stop."
Wasn't I in the bath? I need to move. This isn't a dream. Where's Lex he's always here when I have this dream.
"Do you think...one day, after my baby is born I can run away and get a job and be happy?"
I look back at her. "No. You don't have the baby. You kill the baby because Lorenzo told you to. Like an idiot."
She starts crying again and I roll my eyes. I know that I'm taking a bath and I can't breathe. Why am I dreaming if I'm supposed to be awake?
"Why? Why won't mom just come pick me up? I'm scared. I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm not...I'm not an adult and I can't do by myself—"
"Yeah? Who's gonna help you? Huh? Do you, do you think Lorenzo will? Or mom even though she sold us? Or dad who hasn't looked at us since we were 3? You mean those people?"
"Or maybe you should call police so they can tell you there's nothing that they can do? Or maybe you should call a doctor and ask for help. Tell them you don't want kids, so they can say that you can't tie your tubes without your husbands permission and 2 kids first. Just shut the fuck and either solve it yourself or die—"
I pause. Maybe I'm dying. Maybe that's why I'm dreaming while I'm awake.
Huh. That kinda sucks. Oh well it's honestly not bad, I just wish I wasn't stuck with her.
"Won't anybody help me? Can you help me?" She looks up at me and I want to throw up.
"No. No I can't. So stop coming to my dreams and stop crying and stop existing please. I know you want help but I can't give it to you. All you do is remind me of something that I wish never happened. So please...disappear."
She cries and rocks in the corner and I finally sit down with a sigh. Maybe I'm dying. Maybe I had an accident.
Or maybe this is just another dream.
"Why does everyone keep telling me to deal with it. I'm just kid. Isn't there any adults who can help? Why aren't any adults helping me? I need help. Someone help me," she sobs.
My eyes burn. "I don't know. I don't know why they don't help. I'm sorry. Nobody's going to help you. Nobody."
