Monasterio Series #5: Risks and Chances

Kabanata 42

Kabanata 42

Risks and Chances

"H-How did you find out?" I asked.

We're in his town house. We both decided to talk about our private matters in a place where we can understand each other properly. This is the best time to tell him everything... and to apologize for all of the bad things I have done to him.

I heard him sigh. He walked towards the bed and sat there. Itinaas niya ang isang paa habang ang isa ay nakalaylay. He tapped the white matress while staring at me.

"Dito ka..." sabi niya.

May ilang segundo pa akong nakatayo sa harapan niya bago bumuntong hininga. Umikot ako sa kabilang gilid at marahang umakyat ng kama.

All throughout my life, I've never felt shy facing other people. Ngayon lang sa harapan ni Alas dahil alam kong malaki ang naging kasalanan ko sa kaniya. Maging ako ay nahihiya sa mismong ginawa ko.

Hindi pa man tuluyang nakakaupo sa tabi niya ay hinawakan niya na ang kamay ko at buong ingat akong tinulungan makalapit sa kaniya. As soon as I'm done settling myself beside him, he placed his hand on my waist and pulled me closer.

"How are you feeling?" he asked instead of answering my question.

Ngumuso ako. "Answer me first. How did you find out? Sino sa pamilya ko ang nagsabi sa'yo?"

"Zadriel,"

Bumuntong hininga ako. "He can't really shut his mouth."

"If it's not your brother, I won't be able to know that you're pregnant with my child."

"Sasabihin ko naman sa'yo-"

"Kailan pa?" putol niya mismo sa akin.

"I was just thinking of the right way to tell you about this. Isa pa, nahihiya ako sa'yo matapos ng ginawa ko. I thought it's really unforgivable-"

"Nothing's unforgivable when it comes to you, Ania. Kahit gaano pa kabigat ang kasalanan mo sa akin. Magagawa pa rin kitang patawarin."

Tumungo ako, huminga ng malalim. Nakakaramdam ako ng pagkailang sa klase ng tema na meron kami pero alam kong kailangan ko 'to harapin.

"Hindi mo ba itatanong sa akin kung bakit ko nagawang magpanggap sa'yo?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. He's looking ahead of us, his hand was leaving my waist some gentle caress.

"I have so many reasons running in my head, Ania. Kung iisa-isahin ko ay baka maunahang lang ako ng katotohanang takot kang sumugal habang kasama mo ako at hindi talaga tayo para sa isa't-isa. Na hindi mo ako minahal," bumuntong hininga siya. "I don't want to put those kind of thoughts in my head."

Sunod-sunod ang naging pag-iling ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya. He glanced at me, drilling his perilous eyes on mine.

"Minahal kita, at mahal na mahal pa rin kita, Alas. Being too much in love with you has put me on the situation where I found myself getting afraid that we might face problems I couldn't handle. Na palagi na lang may hahadlang sa atin. Iniisip mong matapang ako pero kabaliktaran iyon. Duwag ako, Alas. Duwag ako pagdating sa'yo."

He didn't quit staring at me. Para bang sinasaulo niya ang bawat parte ng aking mukha sa paraan ng pagtitig niya sa skin.

"Whatever problem we'll be facing in the future, always remember that I'll hold your hand until we we get through it. I promise to be with you during our fights and that we'll stay strong and still in love with each other as we grow older..." Mas lalo niya akong inilapit sa kaniya bago maingat na ikinulong sa kaniyang bisig. "Hindi lang naman ikaw ang naduduwag sa ating dalawa. Maging ako rin. Naduduwag akong mawala ka."