Ronan (Taylor Swift and One Direction)

Memories

Today we had a day off. After all the concert's we had in a row we finally got a day off. I was thankful for all these concerts though. They kept me busy. Side tracked me from my one and only thought. The only thing I could think about. 

I used to love day's off. See I took Ronan with me on tour because there was no other way I could do the job and take care of him so I had taken me with him. While I was practising or at a concert the stylists used to love taking care of him and then Taylor and I would take care of him the rest of the time. 

Everytime we had an day off we would spend our whole day with him, go out to the zoo in that city and explore. Those days were the most fun. I loved Ronan with my whole heart. I had the best times with him. So did Taylor. But today was my first day off with out him. 

I don't even know what to do with myself. Taylor is still in bed asleep. As she should be at this time but I always used to get up at 6.30am because Ronan would. He would wake up and jump on my bed until I was awake and made him breakfast. Then we would play in the tour bus until Taylor woke up and then we would go out and do something. Tears welled up in y eyes as I remembered that but I made sure I didn't cry. 

I do enough crying. Everyday I cry. My heart brakes a little more everyday when I realize that he isn't here. Everyday I realize more and more that he isn't coming back. I know how stupid I am being for even thinking he might come back to me. But it is something I get to hold onto. 

I got up out of my bed and walked over to my closet. Grabbing some clothes. I didn't care what they were. I put them on after taking my pajama's off and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like crap. My stage make-up was all smudged and my hair was so messed up. 

I walked into my bathroom and wiped all the make-up off. I didn't bother to put any back on. I don't care if anyone see's me with out make-up. I don't care about anything anymore. 

I brushed through my hair until it was reasonably normal looking and then left it out to get messed up again. 

I dragged myself out to the kitchen and looked around. I had no idea what to make myself. I opened the pantry doors to see what we have and my eyes immediately looked at the thing I would usually get out to give Ronan. His favourite thing to eat for breakfast. Lucky Charms. He used to love them. 

*FlashBack*

Ronan jumped up and down in his seat at the kitchen bench while I got out the Lucky Charms from the pantry. I poured them into the bowl I had gotten out for him.

'LUCKY CHARMTH!' He squealed. He can't quite pronounce the letter S just yet but he is getting there.  I giggled but remembered Taylor was still asleep. 

'Ssshh, Ronan. Aunty Taylor is still sleeping' I shushed him. He quieted down but didn't stop bouncing in his seat. 

I pulled out a spoon for him from the draw and put it in the bowl before giving it to him. He hated milk with his Lucky Charms. He didn't like how they went all soggy.

I watched as the my blonde son scooped his lucky charms up happily and munched on them. 

'Mummy. What are we doing today?' He asked with his mouth full. 

'No speaking with your mouth full ronan!' I scolded him with a smile. 'I think we are going to the Zoo today. But only once Aunty Taylor wakes up'

'Why doeth Aunty Taylor thleep tho long?' He asked, this time without a mouth full of food. 

'Because she is a very busy lady and she needs her rest' I told him smiling. I went to get my own breakfast after I answered and Ronan just happily continued eating his Lucky Charms

*End of Flashback* 

I picked the Lucky Charms up and threw the box across the room in anger. The cereal pooring out everywhere as it flew across the room. 

'WHY!?' I screamed as I fell to the floor. The tears came down my face at a fast pace. 'WHY WHY WHY' Was all I could say, or scream. Why did he have to be taken away from me? Why? Why did God do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?

I was leaning against the cupboard door crying and screaming when Taylor came running out to the Kitchen in her pyjama's. 

'Abigail! Abigail! What's wrong?' She asked even though she was well aware of what was wrong. She ran over to me and sat down beside me. 

'He's gone Taylor. He's never coming back. He's never going to sit at that kitchen bench and talk to me while he has a mouth full of Lucky Charms again. He's never going to ask why you sleep so much. I am never going to see him ever again' I cried. Taylor wrapped her arms around me as I cried into hers shoulder.

No one knows what to say to me anymore. They can't tell me that everything is going to be alright because I know that nothing is ever going to be the same without my little boy. They can't tell me that I can find another little boy or anything like they would if it was a brake up between me and my boyfriend or something, not that I have one, because there will never be another Ronan. 

So all Taylor can do is hug me, comfort me with her prescence. 

There is absolutely nothing else she can do. Because anything she says I shoot down. 

I just don't understand why he was taken away from me. 

After about half an hour of just sitting her crying Taylor unwrapped her arms from around me and looked at me. She had been crying too but not as much as me. No one would ever hurt as much as I have. 

'Taylor?' I asked quietly, looking at her. 

'Yes Abbi?' She answered using my nickname. 

'Do you know that saying "You don't realise how much you love something until it's gone"' I asked. She nodded her head at me. 'Well I realize how much I loved him.'

She nodded her head again. 'I know. I loved him too' She told me and a few tears escaped my eyes but Taylor wiped them away. It's only been about a week since Ronan passed. I haven't been taking it well. 

'What are we doing today?' I asked after a while. We had just been sitting their on the floor of our kitchen staring at each other for a few minutes. 

'Well I have a meeting with management if you wanted to come?' She answered. 

'Yes, please take me with you. Don't leave me alone' I pleaded. 

'Okay. It's in...' She looked at her phone. 'An hour and a bit. Do you need me to help you with anything?' 

'No, I can get ready myself. Bt don't blame me if I don't look very presentable. Go get yourself ready' I told her. She left quickly to go have a shower and get herself ready. I looked at the Lucky Charms that were all over the room and decided to clean them up. 

Once I had cleaned up all the Lucky Charms and chucked them in the bin, crying silently the whole time, I went to get myself ready. I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked okay for what I was going through. 

I didn't feel like doing anything extra so I just put some flats on and went into the living room. 

I turned the tv on to pass the time while Taylor got herself ready. 

The TV show that was on was one of Ronan's favourite's. Kung Fu Panda. 

I immediately started crying at the memory of him watching it on this couch with such excitement. Him showing me how to do the moves. His laughter at the show. He was the cutest little boy. I cried silently as I watched the show. I couldn't bring myself to change it. 

He was my best four years.