Ronan (Taylor Swift and One Direction)

Depression and Denial

I woke up and went to my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the dried tears down my face. I had cried myself to sleep again. I don’t know how people are supposed to deal with this. 

Now that he is gone I have absolutely nothing to fill my time with. Other than dance but I can’t do that for 24 hours. 

Now that he is gone I feel empty. What am I supposed to do with my life?

I came up with an idea as I stared at myself in the mirror. I imagined that he was standing next to me. Chatting away about something. His smile playing. 

Call me crazy but I didn’t want him to be gone. In my head, he is still here with me. I looked down at the boy I had imagined was there and smiled at him.

‘Do you want some breakfast Ronan?’ I asked him. In my head he nodded his head. 

*************** A few Hours later *******************

Taylor’s POV

I walked out of my room after getting ready for the day to find Abigail sitting in the living room playing with Ronan’s toys. 

‘Which one is your favourite Ronan?’ She asked out loud. What was she doing? She used to ask him this every day when he was playing with his toys and everyday there would be a new toy that was his favourite. 

‘The dinosaur today? Do you know what type of dinosaur that is?’ She asked. I’m worried about her. I don’t know if this is normal or something after a mother looses there child but I am pretty sure she is pretending he is still here with her. 

‘Abigail? Are you alright?’ I asked her. 

‘Yeah. I’m just playing with Ronan.’ She said with a smile on her face. 

‘Honey, Ronan isn’t here’ I told her. I didn’t know what else to do. I figured she was in denial or something. 

Abigail’s POV

‘Honey, Ronan isn’t here’ Taylor said and before my eyes Ronan disappeared from me. I reached out to grab him, to stop him from leaving but all I caught was air. 

The time spent in the hospital with Ronan flashed threw my mind and I remembered how he was gone. How he was never going to be here. 

I started sobbing. I just sat there and cried. Taylor came over to me and hugged me. 

She whispered over and over the same words. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ She whispered to me. I cried into her shoulder. How could he not be here?

He was my baby. I would always be there for him and he would always be my baby boy. 

After a few hours Taylor got up leaving me to sit there staring at Ronan’s toys. 

I could hear Taylor talking, I think she was on a phone. I had nothing better to do than listen. 

‘Hey, I’m Taylor Swift and my friend Abigail recently lost her child. I am really worried about her and I was just wondering what people normally do in this situation?’ She said. Their was silence for a while before Taylor talked again.

‘Is it normal for them to pretend that the child is still alive?’ She asked. I knew she was talking about me. I didn’t know anyone else who had recently lost their child. 

‘Okay, I’ll bring her in now’ Was the final thing Taylor said before she came back into my view. 

‘Come on, Abigail. We’re going to the hospital’ She said giving me her hand to help me up. 

‘I don’t want to go to the hospital. I WANT TO BE WITH RONAN. RONAN DIED IN THAT HORRID PLACE! IT’S THEIR FAULT THEY DIDN’T FIX HIM’ I yelled and stubbornly stayed on the floor. Taylor bent down to forcefully pick me up. I obeyed this time. 

‘I know honey but I’m worried about you’ She said as she dragged me away. 

When we arrived at the hospital nurses rushed around me. 

‘Miss Swift can you bring her in now?’ Someone asked. I didn’t know who they were. 

Taylor grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the room. She pushed me in and shut the door behind herself. 

‘Hi Abigail. I am Doctor Levigne. Now I understand you recently lost your son. I am very sorry for your loss’ Doctor Levigne said shaking my hand. Taylor and I sat in seats on the opposite side of him. 

‘You should be’ I snapped. I didn’t like this place. Ronan had died here. Taylor gave me a look but I ignored her. 

‘Your friend taylor here has told me about some of your behaviors and what you do is a symptom of major depression. Have you had depression issues before?’ He asked. 

‘She has. When she first got pregnant with Ronan her parents diss-owned her and she had no one to go to. I helped her but she had major depression and um... She did try to kill herself. That was until Ronan was born and we got a therapist to help her out. She has been fine until now.’ Taylor answered for me. I looked away. I didn’t want to be here. Taylor had dragged me away from Ronan. 

‘Seeing people is often from major depression, lyme disease, schizophrenia, anorexia and many more. So I think we just need to give her medication. Keep her busy and she should be fine.’ The Doctor announced. 

‘No, she doesn’t just see people. She interacts with Ronan. She pretends he is there. She was playing with him this morning when I woke up. I had to tell her that he was gone. Then it took her a few minutes to register it before she started crying. That is not just seeing people.’ Taylor told him. 

‘True. That is denial. She pretends that he is there. She pretends that what happened didn’t. That’s why when you told her he was gone it took her a while because the memory of it came back to her. She is blocking the whole thing out in her mind and pretending he is still here. There is medication that can help with that to. I’ll go get the stuff.’ He said nodding his head. 

I gave Taylor dagger eyes. I didn’t want to have medication. I was perfectly healthy. 

About five minutes later Doctor Levigne came back with two bottles full of pills. 

He held one up to Taylor. ‘She needs to take this one twice a day. These are the depression ones. I wrote it on there so you don’t get mixed up. And these one’s are the denial one’s. These was are three times a day but you take two at a time. It will be better if I see her every week. When do you go back on tour?’ He said gesturing to the tablets as he told her about them. I wasn’t going to take any medication. 

‘Um, in a few months. We took a break because of Ronan’ She told him. 

‘Good. Every friday at 3.00 come with her to see me. I’ll keep a check up on her progress and so on. Thanks for coming in and make sure she takes the tablets. And keep her as busy as you can. Keep her mind off it’ He said as he waved us out the door. 

Thank god I get to leave. 

The trip home was silent. I didn’t want to talk to Taylor. I was mad at her for taking me to the hospital. I didn’t need to go to the hospital. I wasn’t sick. 

When we got home I jumped out of the car and ran into the house. I grabbed my phone off of my bed side table.

I wanted to talk to someone. Not Taylor. I am mad at her. I only had one other person I could talk to. I rang him. He seemed like the nicest boy. Hopefully he would listen.