Ronan (Taylor Swift and One Direction)

First Day

It feels so weird going back to school. I mean I haven't thought about school work since I graduated and then had Ronan. Ronan. I pictured him everywhere. Not at school. That was the one place he hadn't managed to imprint himself in my memories on. He hadn't been old enough to go to school yet.

Tears sprung into my eyes as I thought of how young he was. How he only got such a short life. I only got such a short time with him. 

'Abigail? Are you ready for your first day?' Taylor asked coming into my room. I had been standing in front of my mirror looking at myself but I wasn't really looking, I was thinking. 

I was wearing my dance gear. A leotard and a see-through skirt with tan tights and my jazz shoes on. I had my bag on my shoulder that held my water bottle, my point shoes, my ballet shoes and my contemporary high heel dance shoes.

Getting to go to a Dance school and actually get a degree in the thing I loved to do was my biggest dream and goal in life wen I graduated. Once I had Ronan my only dream was to see him grow up and be the amazing, handsome man I knew he would have been. Now I'll never get to do that. The tears came down my face, I was thankful I hadn't put any make-up on, I don't want to go on my first day and have mascara running down my face.

Taylor came and hugged me, I do this all the time now. I cry because I think of Ronan. Taylor, I guess, has gotten used to just not asking because everytime she asked I would just cry more as I tried to explain. I had a few more depression and denial "incedents" as Taylor calls them. I have been taking my medication though. I think I'm getting better. It's been 3 weeks since I found out that I was getting into the school. 3 weeks since Niall left. I think I'm doing pretty well with out him. I do miss his arms around me during the night. I felt safe in those arms. Nothing could hurt me.

'Yeah, let's go' I finally answered Taylor's question as I wiped away my tears.

Taylor had been very supportive about the school since our coffee trip the day that I had found out. We had talked about everything and anything. Harry had called her while we were out to and apologized to her and told her about what was happening. He said he had been talking to his girlfriend (the real one) Emily. They had agreed to meet each other and Taylor seemed a lot happier. Hopefully no more drama happens with the whole "Haylor" relationship. Though the threats and hate on twitter towards Taylor hasn't stopped or slowed in the slightest. She has stopped going on it all together. 

We were in the car now. I hadn’t been talking, just thinking. Maybe somehow I would be able to help stop the hate. I mean Taylor doesn’t deserve it. 

‘What are you thinking about?’ She asked raising an eyebrow at me. 

‘Nothing’ I said maybe a little to quickly. I didn’t want her to know I had been thinking about the haters. That would put her in a bad mood because she would start thinking about what they had been saying and that wouldn’t be good and ABIGAIL STOP IT. I need to stop over-thinking things. I need to stop thinking three steps ahead. I need to just live in the present. 

‘Are you thinking about Niall?’ She questioned with a smirk on her face. 

‘No.’ I stated. Well now I was. I wish he was here. I wish he would get to see me after my first day. And I could sit wrapped in his arms and tell him all about it for hours. I’ll just have to settle for talking to him on the phone. I had been talking to him everyday since he left. I told him the news about getting in as soon as he texted me that he had landed. I call him and then I was squealing into the phone about how I had got in. He had been pretty excited for me. 

‘You sure about that?’ She smirked. 

‘Well no because once you mentioned him I was thinking about him.’ I told her defeated.