Amy snuggled up to me, and I let out a weary sigh. Despite the guilt gnawing at me, I didn't regret what had transpired between Amy and me.
My mind was consumed by Amy, and I tried my best not to think about Naomi. It might seem heartless, but I couldn't bear to keep dragging her along, causing her pain repeatedly.
Arguments with Naomi were a painful reminder of my father, a person I wanted to escape from. I never wanted to emulate him in any way.
Suddenly, a noise from the front door interrupted our moment. "Who's that?" Amy inquired, breaking the silence.
"No one," I whispered, leaning in and kissing Amy, though I despised the taste of her lips at this moment.
Kissing her was merely a desperate act to provoke Naomi's reaction, hoping she would forget about me and move on. I needed her to hate me.
As I continued to kiss Amy, I sensed Naomi approaching. I admit, I derive some twisted pleasure from hurting people, and if hurting Amy would make Naomi let go, I would do it.
Childhood therapy was never an option for me, as I found solace in the pain that had plagued my life. It's as if pain gave my existence some fleeting purpose.
Naomi opened the door, and I glanced up at her while still kissing Amy, trying to evoke a reaction. My heart sank as I saw tears in her eyes, and she placed a box on the table.
When I finally broke the kiss and met Naomi's gaze, I saw the pain and betrayal in her eyes. "Can you leave?" I asked, my voice strained.
"You know what, have fun with her, you deserve him" Naomi spat angrily before slamming the door shut.
Looking back at Amy, I felt a sense of detachment. "You can go home," I told her coldly.
"But we just..." she started, her expression puzzled.
"Like i said before this means nothing to me," I interrupted, feeling hollow inside. "Good night, Amy."
As she left, I rolled over, feeling a heavy sense of regret and loneliness. Amy's presence was fleeting, and I couldn't shake the realization of how much I had hurt Naomi and myself. When I went downstairs, I noticed Amy had already left, leaving me to confront the mess I had made of my own emotions.
As I locked the front door and turned around, there was Naomi, sitting on the couch.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, startled by her presence as my parents arrived.
"Do you love her, huh? Is that why you slept with her?" Naomi's voice quivered with anger.
"Can we not do this right now?" I pleaded, trying to avoid the confrontation.
"No, Kaden, we can let your parents know exactly who you are," she retorted, her frustration evident.
"Naomi..." I began, searching for the right words.
"No, tell us all why you slept with your ex, Kaden. Tell me why you were... making out with her," she demanded, her emotions running high.
"Because you can't love me, Naomi. I'm a bad person who does bad things. I had sex with Amy because..." I struggled to explain my actions.
"Because what? You wanted to get back at me for telling you how I felt!" she shouted.
"Because I needed to break you. I need you to hate me. I'd rather have you hate me than want me. I bring bad things," I confessed, my anger matching hers.
"I want you, Kaden," she said softly, her tone shifting.
"You don't want me. You can have a better life, a better future. I just... I just fucking cheated on you, and you're trying to get me back," I said, frustration and self-loathing consuming me.
"I think we should calm this down," my mom intervened, trying to ease the tension.
"I'm fucking in love with you. If you push me away, it'll only make me want you more," Naomi persisted.
I looked at her with sadness, feeling torn. "I-I can't, Naomi. I'll break you, hurt you. Fuck, you used to be so innocent before," I ran my hands through my hair, feeling the weight of my mistakes.
"Why, because I was a virgin?" she asked, crossing her arms defensively.
"Yes, because you were a fucking virgin, Naomi, and I took every ounce of innocence from you. You're broken; just look at you," I lashed out, my emotions getting the better of me.
My parents listened to our conversation, sipping wine, but at that moment, I couldn't care less if they knew.
"You can't push me away this time," she whispered, her vulnerability showing.
"You deserve to be happy," I said, avoiding her gaze.
"I can't be fucking happy, Kaden. I just found out that I can't even have kids," she revealed, her voice trembling with pain.
The revelation hit me hard. I wanted to comfort her, but I feared causing more damage.
I looked at her tear-filled eyes, and then at my parents, who seemed shocked by the unfolding drama. I glanced back at her, my heart aching. "What?" I asked, my voice barely audible.
"You think you can't make me happy when it's really me who can't make you happy. I can't even produce a child; no wonder why our baby died," she confessed, a mixture of sorrow and acceptance in her smile.
"Don't say that," I whispered, feeling a surge of guilt and sorrow for my words and actions.
"Why not, Kaden? I'm broken; you said it yourself," she replied, her pain palpable.
I looked at my parents, then back at her one last time before making a difficult decision. I walked out the front door, not daring to look back.
I couldn't believe she couldn't have kids. It wasn't an issue for me, but I couldn't fathom why she hadn't shared it with me.
How long had she known? The weight of unanswered questions burdened my mind.
YOU ARE READING
I am his
ספרות נוערKaden falls for his childhood friend but has a hard time showing his feelings. He has a terrible relationship with his dad, he smokes, drinks, does impulsive things, the typical bad boy , right? They naturally stopped being friends when they reached...
