Door of Happiness (Agravante Series #1)

KABANATA 6

Kabanata 6

Fever

--

I gave my number to him.

I think there's nothing wrong with that because we're already friends. I just wasn't really comfortable with his stare at me. It's as if I can't stand his stare. Para bang naiilang ako o ano bang tawag roon? Hindi ko maipaliwanag. Basta hindi ako komportable. Lalo na kapag titig na titig siya sa akin.

Pero hindi ko nalang inisip iyon. I still have a lot of problems to think about besides that. This shouldn't be my priority.

I still can't forget what happened earlier. I was happy to see my grandfather, nakausap ko pa. I just couldn't get rid of that pain in my heart because he doesn't know me. Hindi niya alam na ako ang kanyang apo. It's sad that I feel like I'm lost.

Matagal naman na akong nawala. From the moment I found out the whole truth I suddenly got lost. I don't seem to know myself anymore. Nagsimula akong mag isip na ano ba talaga ang pangalan ko? Sino ba talaga ako? Sino ang mga magulang ko? Kaninong pamilya ako nabibilang kung hindi kay Mama? Saan ako nagmula?

I was lost. I can't find myself. And that was the most painful thing I've ever felt in my entire life bukod pa sa pagkawala ng Mama ko. Sobrang sakit ng lahat. It hurts so much that I feel like I don't deserve to be in this world anymore. Hindi ko naman na kilala ang sarili ko kaya saan pa ako lulugar sa mundong ito? I was very lost.

But I kept reading the letter that Mom left me. I tried to remind myself that I needed to be brave. I am an Agravante. That's my name. That's where I came from. I'm not lost. I must not give up.

I know everything will go back to normal. I know that one day I will find myself too. I will return to the family where I belong. I will bring them all back. At sisiguraduhin kong mapaparusahan lahat ng mga taong ipinagkait sa akin ang buong pagkatao ko.

I will not allow them to just take everything from me.

"Sobrang gabi mo nang umuuwi. Eleven ang out mo? Eh, ang dami pa nating homeworks," si Audrey.

Kagaya ng sinabi niya, binisita niya nga ako sa convenience store kung saan ako nagtatrabaho. Napakilala ko na rin siya kay Greta at mabilis naman silang nagkasundo. Masaya ako na nandito siya. Atleast I had someone to talk to while working.

"Ayos lang. Kaya ko namang gawan ng paraan iyon," sabi ko.

"Paano? Siguradong kahit anong gawin mo, mapupuyat at mapupuyat ka," umiling siya.

I know she's just worried. But what can I do? I have to work to support myself.

"You know, why don't you just live with us? Pakakainin kita tapos tabi pa tayong matutulog! Or if you want me to sleep in another room, we have many rooms with us. Doon ka na rin kakain at siguradong susuportahan ka nila Mommy at Daddy sa pag aaral mo. Hindi mo na dapat pinapahirapan ang sarili mo ng ganyan."

Bahagya akong natawa. "Ikaw talaga. Your offer is good but I don't want to rely on others. I had to stand on my own. And I'm fine. Kaya ko ang lahat ng ito."

"Tss," umirap at ngumuso siya.

Natawa si Greta na nasa malapit lang, nag aayos ng mga pagkain. I was at the counter while Audrey was at the table, eating a cup noodles.

"Hindi mo kami maiintindihan dahil hindi ka naman katulad namin. Mayaman ka habang hirap kami sa buhay," si Greta.

"Oo nga pero... masama bang umoo sa tulong ko? Don't you want that? Maaahon na kayo sa hirap?"

"Exactly. Maaahon kami sa hirap. Pero paano kung mawala na lahat ng inaasahan namin? Paano na kami mabubuhay? Kanino na kami aasa? Kaya ang dapat na asahan lang namin ngayon ay ang sarili namin."