The Fault in Our Kifflom

Chapter 4 - Do Trees Talk?

This support group featured a cast of characters that had discovered Epsilon in their own unusual way. Everyone met at the church in Strawberry as instructed by Isiah. Of course, the people who were already there, in their usual seats (according to someone I don't remember the name of), had been coming for years and I was an 'outsider'. We sat in the stone walled basement of the church in a circle. This circle was referred to as the 'Literal Heart of Cris'. Cris being the founder of Epsilon and an all-righteous, self-centered 'God'.

Dr Friedlander (obviously being the religious leader of this meeting) had made a giant rug of Cris' face and put it in the middle of the meeting room, probably to remind us why we were here, to worship Cris, Kifflom, Kraff and Krant. So many Gods.

"AND YOU MIGHT BE SO LUCKY..." Dr Friedlander said as he preached his Epsilon message about how we can learn to understand the truth, holding his hands up and looking to the broken ceiling. He made some weird speech about how Kraff created the world 157 years ago.

"You are all here to understand the truth! But if you are ready, then you are not ready." announced Friedlander as he continued to preach to the group.

"I AM READY!" said the group in sync.

Only a small number of the group didn't shout out, due to the fact they had no clue what was happening. One of those people was me.

"Okay now let's introduce our new members to the group. Michael? How about you?"

Wow, thanks, Doc.

I stood slowly, straightening out my leather jacket.

"Er.." the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. What? Was I supposed to say: 'Hello, I'm Michael De Santa but my real name is Michael Townley, I changed my name because I faked my own death and ran off to Los Santos. Also, my best friend, who coincidentally is a psychopath would brutally murder me if he ever found out... and my wife's a cheating whore, my daughters probably going to become a porn star, and my son is fat and addicted to pot and weird video games. Oh and don't get me started on my criminal lifestyle!' I'm sure that would go down a storm...

"Start with your name maybe?" Said Friedlander, snapping me out of my train of thought. I probably looked like a weirdo, just stood there staring at the posters on the wall.

"I'm Michael, Michael De Santa, I work as a... er... banker..."

Friedlander gave me a look as if to say 'nice save' then went on to say:

"Why have you discovered Epsilon, Michael?"

"I guess I've always been intrigued. I live near the Center in Rockford Hills and I hear the music every time I pass it."

"This is how Kraff has brought you here." said Friedlander.

"Yeah, I guess... So anyway my wife left me for her French yoga teacher a couple of days ago and my kids went with her too. I guess I'm feeling lonely. I mean I've always felt lonely but now I feel more lonely than ever, so maybe I need something... Or someone-..." I trailed off into some 80's movie speech.  Suddenly everyone in the circle leapt up out of the tacky plastic seats, held up their hands no higher than their face and all loudly spoke:

"KIFFLOM, MICHAEL"

"Err... Doc, w-"

"We are here for you, Michael" Reassured Isiah.

I'm still not sure what that was really supposed to mean.

So that was my minute of fame at the Epsilon support group. This situation happened to everyone else in the circle, new or otherwise. Everyone explained who they were, what they did and why they wanted the Epsilon program in their life. Some had gone to prison, some were completely off their face on any kind of drug they could find and others were just irrevocably in love with the idea of Epsilon. After everyone had done their introduction, Friedlander played the piano for us and talked about how he came to the Epsilon program, Cris, and his desires before finishing with the tenets. The tenets were intriguing. Do trees talk? Isiah finished with another song and then everyone slowly began to clear the basement. Before I could get to the stairs Friedlander pulled me to the side, out of listening distance of the rest of the stragglers who were clearly trying to be inconspicuous about the fact that they were trying ever so desperately to listen to what we were saying.

"So how was that, Michael?"

"It was good, but-..."

"But?" Inquired Friedlander.

"I wasn't satisfied with it, with the whole thing, everything we discussed in that group was what I already knew about the Epsilon program... I may need more than that to keep me interested."

"Okay Michael, I'll think about that and get back to you."

I turned away from him and walked up the stone stairs, hearing a faint "Kifflom, Michael" coming from Isiah as I left the church.