The Fault in Our Kifflom

Chapter 14 - Zolag

It had been five days since I last heard from Marnie. I walked her home after we kissed. It took a good half an hour to walk to Marnie's place; I was so out of breath. Maybe it was the un-calculable vast amounts of Redwoods and Cluckin' Bells that were in my bloodstream. 

 I spent that night wide awake, thinking about life with Marnie. Obviously, shitty little kids like Jimmy were not part of our paradise, and Marnie would be nothing like Amanda. Unfortunately, I spent next five days wondering why she hadn't messaged me back. I'd sent more than one message to Marnie that she had not replied to. Was she okay? Was she hurt? Or was she sick of me already? Compared to Marnie, I was just a drunken fat slob.

But something even more worrying came up: On Wednesday I attended another of Dr Friedlander's sessions in the Literal Heart of Cris to find Marnie's seat was empty. According to Dr Friedlander, she had 'important business' to attend to. As soon as I left the building (after Friedlander's fucking guitar solo that made me want to kill everyone in the room, imagine the therapy session) I immediately texted to see if she was okay. I was left with another unread message. 

***

I awoke in my room early Saturday morning to find the house a mess. The French windows that the early LS light would normally gently glow through were smashed to pieces. My bedroom door was a wooden broken mess. Oh and there was puke in the corner, a Cluckin' Bell with a side of fries, lovely. I climbed through the bedroom door to find the chandelier that used to hang up in the hall was now a pile of broken glass that reflected my horrendous face in every shard. In the kitchen I found my house maid Eva trying the clean the tornado of alcoholic beverages that were spattered around the surrounding area. 

"¿QUÉ COÑO ES ESTE ?!!" Eva shouted to herself. Just another night with Michael De Santa. I'd obviously decided to get drunk to try to drown out the pain of the possibility that I may never be seeing Marnie Allen again. At least that's how it felt. I spent about 10 minutes crying on the stairs until my phone buzzed: 1 new message, Marnie. My stomach swirled, I felt increasingly hot, and my eyes burst into colours, the message read:

'Meet me in an alley downtown, Michael De Santa.'

No kiss. No winky faces. No anything. I don't know what I did, but I fucked up.

I quickly changed into a suit, trying to make myself look somewhat presentable and made my way to the car I managed to get cheap from another shitty dealership. As I turned the key in the ignition, I could hear Eva shrieking "¡ESTOY VOLVIENDO A MEXICO!". 

My head pounded as I drove and I couldn't think straight. I tried to think of a normal conversation to have with her, but my thoughts turned to mush in my mind.

As I pulled up by the alleyway, I noticed her leaning against the wall. I approached her slowly, my head still pounding in pain. I leant up against the wall next to her, still feeling a little dizzy. 

"Hey." I said quietly, pulling a crushed cigarette packet from my pocket. I quickly put it back, remembering the promise I had made to Marnie. 

"You can smoke, you know." She didn't look up at me as she spoke. 

"I promised you I wouldn't." 

"Forget your promises to me, Michael." She said with a slightly venomous tone. Even if that woman hated me, I'd never break any of my promises to her. 

"You're probably wondering why I asked you to come here, right?" She finally looked upwards at me; her guard was up, and her eyes hit me with lightening.

"Uh, yeah, sorta..." I mumbled. 

"It was never going to be easy to tell you this but I should have known it was inevitable. This thing we have. You and me. Us. It's not going to work. It can't happen. I can't be with you, Michael." My heart felt like it was going to break and bleed through my pours. 

"W-what?" A pathetic response but it was the only thing I could think to say. 

"I'm sorry, Michael," She turned to face me now, her eyes glinting with tears. "Epsilon doesn't allow relationships between members and non-members and you aren't officially a member yet. As much as I care about you, I can't give up the program that saved my life for a man I barely know. Feelings or no feelings. Sorry..." Her voice trailed off. Her words cut through me like knives. I wanted to cry, but no tears would come. I felt so numb stood there in that alley. Marnie sniffed quietly, and I noticed tears rolling down her cheeks. I knew if I hugged her now, it would just make the situation worse, but to see her heart breaking in front of me like this was unbearable.

"I'm sorry." 

"Why?" She looked up at me; her cheeks flushed and her eyes red from crying. 

"I shouldn't have kissed you. This is all my fault. If I hadn't have kissed you this wouldn't be happening now, and you wouldn't be upset..." I said a little too quickly, the words spilling out of my mouth before I could stop them and my arms were flying about everywhere. 

"None of this is your fault, Michael. Please don't ever think that." I put my hand on the back her shoulder blades and pulled her into me. We stood in silence like this for a while, while the world passed us by. I never wanted to let go. After a while, she let go, gently pushed me from her, and started to walk away.

"Ah! There's something I forgot to tell you!" She suddenly turned and was back to her usual perky self which was nice to see, "If you want to 'pay your dues'," she put air quotes around the words which made me laugh a little, "wear pale blue attire for the next ten days! You should get the attire from the website; it's a very 'reasonable rate'." She looked a little concerned as she said that. 

"The same outfit? For ten days? I'm gonna stink..." 

"Very true. But we all had to do it. And it brings you one step closer to becoming an official Epsilon member... So one day we can be together... One day." a rupture of sadness came over her face like a shadow.

"I'll do it."

"Thank you, Michael." She smiled, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Everyone has a real name, decided by Cris, and yours is Zolag. Basically, you're a king who lived in a cloud city but evil forces cast you out, and now you're trapped here. I'm Shupar, queen of the winds. You kind of have to learn this stuff and address everyone by these names in formal situations. Good luck." We both laughed.She checked her watch.

"Sorry, I have to go if I don't want to be late. I'll email you about the robes. Thank you again, Michael. Kifflom!" And with that, she was gone.

"Kifflom, Marnie" I quietly said to myself.