Never Forget

21

Beam's P.O.V.

"No! Stop it! Stay where you are." I said not wanting to have him close to me. "Just exactly who where you to me?" I asked him.

"Beam." He started but I cut him off.

"Don't lie to me. I swear if I hear one more person lie to me I am going to lose it." I said. My hands were trembling. I was scared that he was going to lie or if he told me the truth then I wouldn't like it.

"This is not a good place to do it. Is a long story and I'm scared you will be too overwhelmed and something might happen to you." I was really scared now. "Lets just head back please and I will tell you everything you want to know." He said.

"You will tell me the truth right?" I asked already crying.

"Yes I will I promise." He said this time successfully getting closer to me and pulling me into a hug. I gripped his shirt tightly crying. I was finally going to get some answers. I calmed down as quickly as I could and we walked to his bike. When I got in behind him I noticed Forth was tense. I kept repeating his name in my head over and over trying to remember while he was driving. I felt like I almost had the answers but I could never fully grasp them. The drive seemed to fly by and before I knew what was happening Forth was parking his bike. We started walking to a familiar looking building and a headache was starting to form.

"Where are we? I feel like I've been here before." I said looking around and Forth who was quietly leading the way turned to look at me.

"Because you've been here. This is where I live. I figured Phana or Kit might interrupt us if we went to yours." He said and I nodded. We walked down the familiar hallway and stopped in front of his door. He unlocked the door and for some reason I was scared to walk in but I did anyway. I kinda recognized the place. It was like a distant memory. I sat down on the couch and Forth did the same avoiding my gaze.

"Guess there's no turning back now. I don't even know where to start." he said looking at his hands his voice shaking.

"First I want to know something." I said and he nodded.

"You can ask whatever you want I will answer." He said still looking anywhere except me.

"Why did you hide the fact that we knew each other? You didn't want me to remember you? Was I a bad person towards you? That was it wasn't it? That would explain why you are so guarded around me. Im sorry." I said and now Forth was the one crying.

"Don't say sorry. You did nothing wrong. I just wanted the best for you and in that moment I thought it wasn't me." He said looking at me. His eyes were red from crying and I looked down.

"So who were you to me then?" I asked. I already had a feeling but I wanted to hear it from him.

"I was your boyfriend." He said and my heart felt heavy.

"Why didn't you fight for me? Didn't you love me? In what circumstance leaving me would be the best option?" I said feeling hurt.

"It's hard to explain. We were together for six months and before that I courted you for a few months. We were in love I can assure you that. We went to visit your parents and they were against our relationship. They tried to keep us apart by making me break up with you. I didn't want to but they threatened to take everything from you. I was scared and stupid and didn't tell you. I tried to break up with you but you already knew the truth. The day of the accident you were confronting your parents about our relationship. I never got to know what happened since on the way back you had the accident. When you were on the hospital fighting for your life your father blamed me for everything because I turned their son gay. They didn't even let me see you I could only do it when Phana and Kit were there. When you woke up and didn't remember me I took that as a sign that maybe I should get out of your life. I thought that if what had happened between us was so bad that a part of you chose to forget then I should walk away. I thought you'd be happy with a girl not that you'd find you way back to me." Said Forth and a million questions were running on my mind but in spite of all that I felt deeply hurt.

"So you just walked out on me when I needed you the most?" I whispered.

"It wasn't like that, I didn't mean to. I just wanted you to be happy." He tried to explain.

"Wouldn't my happiness be you then? You should have stayed by my side and tried to make me remember you. All this time I've felt like a part of me is missing and I have been wary about everyone around me. Its been driving me crazy slowly getting to find out to all the people around me have been lying to you. You were the only good thing surrounding me and all this time you have been lying to me too just like them?" I said getting up and walking to the balcony. I needed fresh air I felt like I was suffocating in there.

"It's been hard for me too Beam. I have been feeling guilty all this time because if I did things differently back then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. You think is easy having you so close yet so damn far away? To look at the person you love in their eyes and them not recognizing you. Its been killing me! But I preferred that over seeing you sadly waiting for me at that stupid coffee shop. That's where it all started. That heart you trace over and over I did it! That was our table! You were sitting there when I first approached you. Countless times you rejected me while enjoying your chocolate cake and iced coffee. We shared our first kiss, I even asked you to be my boyfriend there! Every damn important moment in our relationship happened in that place. It's been months since you've started going there, half of the time I was with you sitting in the same spot and you didn't remember me. So tell me what hope do I have then? I never intended for things to go this way. I just wanted you happy. I returned to that coffee shop because it reminded me of you, then I saw you and I thought at least this way I would know if he's happy. I was never going to approach you. I thought if I took myself from the equation then you will find a nice girl, settle down, get married and have kids. I thought I was the problem! So I walked away but I did it for you." He let out feelings defeated. He was hurt too. I was feeling overwhelmed and my headache kept getting worst. This is too much.

"I can't do this. I don't even know what to feel anymore." I said walking inside. I wanted to leave.

"Don't leave like that! I'm afraid something might happen to you." He said stopping me from opening the door." I leaned against is sliding down until I was sitting on the floor my back against it. I felt defeated. I had the answer all this time he was the one I forgot. But having him here close to me telling me everything and I still couldn't remember anything. Why? I thought I will remember. I looked at Forth who had just crouched down in front of me. I reached out my hand to wipe his tears.

"Forth, why is this happening to us?" I asked pulling him into a tight hug. Even if I was mad and hurt he was the only person who could come close to understand what I was feeling.

"I don't know Beam. I'm really sorry for everything. I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you so don't ever think that." He said and I nodded. There was a moment of silence between us we were both just silently crying while hugging each other.

"I still can't remember anything. I want to remember. I know my memories are still there. Thats why I was attracted to you since the first time I saw you again. But I can't! I've tried but I just can't." I said starting to cry harder and holding on to Forth tightly. I felt like if I let him go he might disappear just like my memories.

"Calm down Beam is not your fault." He said rubbing his arm up and down my back. We stayed like that just quietly hugging each other sitting on the floor. Every time he tried to stand up I didn't let him. There were still a million problems but right now I just needed him. Everything else could wait until later.

A.N.

Damn this was a hard chapter to write. Beam got some answers but we still have a long way to go. See you on the next chapter.