Euphoria | Sapnap

eighteen

Ashlyn POV.

"I want to show you something."

I look to the direction of the hoarse voice, locking eyes with his beaten up ones. There was a small smile on his face, he looked thankful.

Sitting here on his messy sofa, I couldn't escape the memory of his pained grunts as I was walking away from him yesterday. Every time I looked over at his torn up face and bruised body, I remembered the feeling of walking away knowing damn well a fight would break out.

I was mad at him, mad that he brought me to that place to begin with, but most importantly I was mad that he would let that psycho hurt him like this. I haven't known him long but it sometimes feels as though he'd do anything in the world just to feel something and it always seems to be pain.

I couldn't leave him lying there on the floor, coughing up blood, curled up with his legs pressed to his body. I couldn't accept the fact the whole situation was bad and I should've run a million miles from him and his friends the minute Harper introduced me to them. So I went back for him.

"Really?" I smile back, I couldn't help it.

He nods and tries to lift himself in a sitting position, earning a few pained noises. Despite the bruises and cuts he didn't look as bad as I know he was feeling, I tried to convince him to go to get checked up but he wouldn't listen. I'm adamant they've fractured a rib from the way they were kicking into his torso. 

"Help me up?" He motions to his struggling arms trying to lift his weakened body.

I stand up from my seat and reach out my hands.He grabs ahold of my forearms and I pull back my weight, lifting him up off of the seat. I don't receive any thanks but instead he starts to walk off towards his cluttered staircase.

"You know you should probably clean this up, I can imagine you falling to your death."

"Ashlyn I didn't invite you into my home so that you can tell me what I need to do."

I stay quiet.

"Sorry... Just follow me please?" He corrects himself.

I hated when he'd lash out at the smallest inconvenience to him, but from his apology I could only hope that he was starting to realise how shitty it was.

I follow him up the staircase, stopping multiple times so that he could regain his balance or I had to move something that was sitting in the middle of the step. When we finally reach the top of the staircase and onto the second floor, I'm met with a short hallway with three doors, one at the very end and two nearer to the staircase on opposite sides.

Like I had imagined the upstairs wasn't much cleaner than the first floor, there were large cardboard boxes scattered everywhere. They looked like parcels that he'd left untouched, which confused me because there were so many of them.

"Do you get a kick out of ordering parcels and never opening them?" I speak my thoughts, knowing that he'd be annoyed.

"Keep following me." I can see only the back of his head as he talks but I can picture the eye roll.

He walks ahead once again and instead of entering either of the doors nearest to the stairs he carries on walking to the last door. I guess one of these rooms would be a bedroom and the other a bathroom but I wasn't sure what the third would be. I had a feeling I was about to find out.

I hear him unlock the door and take a short breath, I couldn't really tell but it felt like he was hesitant in opening the door. Selfishly I wanted to know what was in this room that made him so worried.

After a silent minute he pushes open the now unlocked door, revealing a large room with nothing but a desk against the far wall. On the desk is three monitors, with a glowing keyboard and mouse in front of them and on the right of the desk was a large black rectangle. A computer set up.

I was confused.

"Before you say anything, just know it's the only thing I'm good at."

Still confused I look over at Sapnap, his eyes were flicking from my face to his desk repeatedly. He was trying to gauge what reaction I would have to this room, but honestly I still wasn't sure what I'm meant to be seeing. It's a computer set up, so he plays games.

"So you enjoy playing games?" I ask.

"It's my job." He responds, I could still see panic in him.

"Okay?... I might be being stupid, but I don't understand why you look so worried."

"I'm a streamer." He gives me another short answer.

"And that's awesome, but it still doesn't explain why you look worried."

"I thought... I thought you'd think it's dumb." He admits, avoiding eye contact now.

"Why would I think that's dumb?"

"I'm this angry man, who treats his friends like shit, gets drunk at shit parties and takes drugs. Not exactly a good role model."

"Okay-" He cuts me off.

"- I've never had a proper job, but this has stuck with me. I'm quite popular on here and people enjoy my videos, but it's rooted into my mind that it's embarrassing. I'm embarrassing for having this as my job."

"Why would I ever think that's embarrassing? The fact that you've created an audience and job out of something you like doing is amazing."

I felt a pang of sadness looking at him, he was standing in the centre of the room seemingly lost. I had a feeling not a lot of people new about this side to him, he was hesitant enough to show me.

"Show me?" I take a step closer to his desk, taking in all of the cables and wires. I notice things I didn't notice on the first glance, there was a mic wired up to the PC and a camera.

"You don't have to act interested, we can just go back downstairs."

"Sapnap, I care about you. I want you to show me, I want to see you enjoying yourself."