Euphoria | Sapnap

twenty-seven

Sapnap's POV.

What the fuck had I just done.

I was nervous and it all happened so quickly, watching her cry made me sad. It made me want to beat the fuck out of whoever made her that upset, when in reality I've hurt her so much in the past that I have no right to get this mad.

I didn't mean to say I love her, I had never said that to anyone before. I can't love people when I do nothing but hurt them, as much as I try not to in the end I always do something to fuck it up. That's exactly what will happen with Ashlyn, I needed her to promise me that she would leave me because I knew that when it comes to it I'm too selfish to leave her myself.

She was staring at me, mouth open, her eyes once again glossed over with tears. I wasn't even sure what she was crying about anymore, surely it can't be the words I just spoke.

"Sorry, ignore me." I can't help but disregard the situation. I was embarrassed that she wasn't saying anything, just looking at me like I had said something wrong.

I push myself away from her small body, turning my back to her and walking back towards the messy bed.

"Sap- fuck- Nick." I hear her choke out, she stopped herself from calling me by my nickname. My body stiffens slightly from the name change, it had been a long time since someone I liked had called me by my real name.

"You can't just turn your back on me." She sounded like she was crying again.

Sure enough, when I turn back to face her there were tears soaking her cheeks, but surprisingly I saw a smile across her face.

"Did you really mean it?" She walks towards me, her hands reaching out for my clammy ones. I pull them from my hoodie pocket and let her hands fall into them, relieved when I can feel her skin on mine again.

"I don't know." I tell her truthfully. I think I meant it but I didn't want her to hold out too much hope only for me to hurt her again.

"Well, I think I love you." She holds a relieved smile, like she'd lifted a weight off her chest.

As much as I hated it, there was a flutter in my heart hearing her say that she loved me. I'm one lucky man to have her still want to be around me when I'm not exactly nice to be around.

"I don't deserve it."

"That's for me to decide." She squeezes my hands.

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There was a lot of chaos in the BnB this morning, the police arrived not too long ago and told Ashlyn someone had broken into her flat in Texas.

She was acting calm, her family were here and they were comforting her. However, I could see the tremor in her hands and the way she was biting at her lip to stop the tears from falling. She was scared.

When they explained it was a male with what they believed to be a knife I couldn't help the redness filling my face. I was angry, angry that if the circumstances were changed and Ashlyn was at home that night it could've ended very differently.

My gut was telling me Ace was involved, he couldn't get to me so he targeted her. The thought terrified me, he was ruthless anyway and even more so now I haven't given him what I owe him. I know he won't stop here but I can't tell authorities about him when I'm no saint myself.

"I'm just so glad you're here with us." Brayden tells Ashlyn.

I liked him. He seemed to look out for her, he was so quick to get here straight after Ashlyn rang him and comfort her the way I couldn't. God help me when I eventually break her.

"Are you sure you have no idea who could've done it?" Harper speaks, she is sat next to Ashlyn rubbing her back in small circles.

Ashlyn stays silent and gently shakes her head. Thankfully she had calmed herself a lot since she first found out, I think she was just glad she wasn't around when it happened. I know this will affect her more than she will let on to her family, but she has Harper and me to support her.

"Ash, I'm sorry to leave you like this but I've gotta get to work." Brayden's voice saddens knowing he has to leave her.

She stands from her seat and gives him a long silent hug, he pulls away and nods, leaving the quiet BnB.

"I think we should wake the boys and have a cozy film day." Harper suggests, directing her statement only at Ashlyn.

"Thank you." Ashlyn smiles.

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HI!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS LOVLEY'S🖤