Heroes - todoroki shoto x reader

19 | regrets

Shouto's POV:

I woke up with a jolt, my arms trembling slightly, a dull headache lurking behind my eyes. I'd seen him again. He was alive. Or was he? My heart started to accelerate as if I were running, only I hadn't moved an inch. I glanced over to see (Y/N) sleeping soundly beside me. That night had been rough, the same dream playing over and over again.

I had my hand on Touya's back, he was hurt, he needed help. Then I heard (Y/N) shout my name. I was stuck in that moment of decision, feeling paralysed. I'd abandoned him. I'd left him. Again.

Tears started to from in my eyes as I stared at the ceiling. Did I regret getting out of there? Absolutely not. Did I regret leaving him behind? More than anything. But what would have happened to him if the Pros caught him? Perhaps he would've gotten the help he needs, maybe he could've healed. Maybe he could've become much worse. Up until then I'd never understood the point of regret. I knew I'd told several people in my life that it was pointless; with every decision made, something is given up. And frankly, you'd never know if what you gave up would've ended up being better.

I rubbed my face firmly.

How naive and ignorant had I been? This feeling was numbing. I saw the look in his eyes when I left him. The resignation, the understanding, but the grief.

I pulled myself up and got out of bed without waking (Y/N). It was still pretty dark outside, so I doubted anyone would be up as I wandered through the corridors of the house I called home. I walked passed what once had been his room, now converted to extra training space, just down the corridor was the small memorial we'd set up for him. Far enough away to stay out of sight of any guests, far enough away to say out of the sight of us. I fell to my knees in front of it.

In truth, it was only Fuyumi who came back here. I couldn't even really remember the last time I'd sat here and looked at his picture. His face was clean and devoid of scars, but the empty look in his eyes was something I'd never noticed before. He wasn't looking at the camera, he was looking through it.

I sank my head and stared at my hands leaning on the floor. He should've died. It would be easier if he'd died. Tears started to fall onto the back of my hands. It would be easier for me if he'd died. What kind of brother was I? Thinking something like that? In the end, wasn't it my fault Father tossed him to a side anyways? If I wasn't here, maybe they would've figured out how to control his power. He'd have gone to UA, graduated and become a fledgling Pro. I had lowered my head to my hands as I cried.

 "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," I whispered.

I'd mourned him already. His loss was something I'd learned to live with. But now it felt like that wound had been ripped open again, only now I had no idea how to close it again.

My heart suddenly fell into the pit of my stomach.

I was the only one who knew the truth. Mother, Father, Natsuo and Fyumi had no idea. I was holding my breath without even realising it.

 "What do I do?" I gripped my hair firmly, my heart felt like it was about to rip though my chest, my face was cold, "What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?"

(Y/N)'s POV:

I rolled over, reaching over to where he was lying still half asleep, expecting to reach him at some point. It was when I felt my hand reach the end of the cold mattress did a sudden surge of adrenaline pulse through my body and I was wide awake. He was gone. My heart in my throat I jumped up and despite being fast asleep only seconds before I started to rush around his room, fearing I'd find another note. But there was nothing. I then noticed the sliding door was slightly ajar and there was a light on in the corridor. I pulled it open, barely able to clasp the door my hand was shaking so violently. The house was silent. Come to think of it, I'd never actually been here. As I stared down the corridor, I felt cold sweat break out on my back. How would I find him in here? It was like a maze of doors and corridors.