off the table, jung sungchan ✓

(5) don't hold back

第一年

Growing up, I carved an unhealthy mindset in my brain that confidence is one value I wouldn't ever grasp. It's quite a complicated mixed feeling to put it in words and I noticed not everyone is lucky enough to own it. 

For instance, me.

I often found myself taking a step back, feeling cowered in things I was passionate about.

Other than studying, I never discovered anything that I was good at because of the fear that discouraged me each time I found my cup of tea. Not that I was born a genius in studying either; I worked extremely hard for my grades to stabilize outstanding performance in academic-wise. Most kids experienced scrapes on their knees, goofing around in the playground with their neighbourhood friends but I found joy in reading books and watching National Geographic documentaries since my diaper days. My parents never forbid me to play, I was the one who didn't fancy playing, even with Sunwoo around.

Therefore, when Madam Hong called me to the staff room during lunchtime and slid a brassband form to me, I momentarily lost a grip of myself. The colours on my face drained and beads of sweats began forming on my forehead.

"Lee Aera, I think you have great potential in brassband. So why not you join our evening practice today?"

I timidly gulped as I shook my head frantically, "Madam, I'm so sorry but I genuinely think you get the wrong person, I have no experience in playing music instruments."

She placed a hand on my shoulder while giving me a motherly smile. Her voice was soothing and her gaze was everything that made me feel good about myself. "You can always learn, right"

"You only experience high school once in your lifetime, sweetheart. Why not give a try on it?" The smile curling up on her lips gave me a wave of reassurance.

Despite my own hesitance and uncertainty, I slowly nodded. It doesn't hurt to give it a shot right?

"Sure, I'll give it a try."

I walked out of the room with a conflicted mind, my train thoughts began overthinking the possibility of me screwing up my only chance to be talented in something. Staring at the empty form, I felt rather uneasy to take a step out of my own little bubble.

"Boo!"

"GAH! NA JAEMIN!"

I flinched in pure fright, holding onto the paper in my hand. I was walking in an empty hallway and this dude had the nerve to scare me. He let out a boisterous laugh as he clutched his tummy, probably overwhelmed with euphoria due to his little prank. Throwing a dead glare, I bitterly spat to the annoying guy. "Not funny, Jaemin."

Taking back from what I told Sungchan, Jaemin actually stranded far from the perfect-mannered persona. Sure, he's a pretty boy and undeniably smart, the kind of student every teacher bragged from time to time for his perfection.

However, now that we were truly comfortable with each other's presence, he didn't bother to hide his true colour. The goofy and playful side of that jerk was finally unveiled and it was ten times worse than Sungchan or Jeno. He caught me staring at him during lunchtime two weeks ago and he had been too confident that I had fallen in love with him. We had been constantly bickering ever since, mainly cause he had been teasing me about liking him. I, for sure, did all I can offer to fight for my justice.

Coming back to the boy who was clutching his stomach, still laughing hysterically. "What makes you so scared, Aera?"

I scowled at him, which gained a boxy grin and a small, timid "Fine, I'm sorry." before he nosily peeked at the paper on my hand, cooing in excitement. "Ooh, what's that?"