off the table, jung sungchan ✓

(29) - bicycle ride

第三年

I couldn't debunk the fact Sungchan's words had been affecting me badly. Come to think about it, I distanced myself away from him, entangled myself in a fake relationship with Changmin— these impulsive decisions were all for his own good. 

I remember when I got off from the bus station after the encounter with Jung Jaehyun and stumbled upon Changmin who was on his way to my house. "Aera, what are—"

"Changmin, can you be my fake boyfriend?" My tears were threatening to fall by the time I tugged his hoodie sleeves. Barely could speak, I bit my lips and lowered my gaze to the ground, my shoulders began to shake when I forced myself to continue. "Sungchan's brother came and meet me today, he asked me to stop liking Sungchan and stop giving him chances to be emotionally dependent on him and—"

My words get caught in my throat before I could even carry on and I broke into a small sob. Covering my face with my palms, I shamelessly cry in front of a clearly stunned Ji Changmin. I never know liking someone who's way out of my league could hurt this bad. Knowing I get in the way made me feel horrible about myself. Yes, I do like him but I'm not selfish enough to potentially contribute to his problems.

Changmin tenderly removed my hands off my face and pulled my smaller frame into his warm hug, his chin resting on top of my head as he caressed my back gingerly. "It's okay, it's okay I can do that for you. Don't cry, you'll get prettier and this boyfriend of yours gonna have a hard time to prevent his heart from beating faster."

His little chuckle at the end became a reason why I ran after him. Changmin didn't have really have to say comforting words to make me feel better, he just had to be here, next to me, and the weight of troubles resting on my shoulders will always feel lighter by then.

"Aera."

Sungchan abruptly showed up in the library, dumping his stack of books in front of me before occupying the chair situated in front of me in rush. He had been bombarding me with messages since four days ago and I have taken the initiative to block him.

I was hurt. I had a reason to refrain him from communicating with me.

"I'm not in the mood to talk, Sungchan."

He placed his hand on top of mine, to which I quickly retreat my hand away. We locked our gaze on each other for a moment and I knew my feelings toward him were reacting way before my rational when he pleaded. "Please, Aera, let's talk."

I lazily nods my head off, motioning him to continue. It's still Jung Sungchan sitting in front of me but it seems like four months could turn him into a distant stranger. For an unknown reason, his gaze wasn't as welcoming and warm as it did before. Something was bothering him, and I wanted to comfort him for whatever it is.

"Aera, I know what I said was hurtful and it made you feel awful. By no means everything I said was intentional, I blamed myself for being a complete asshole. I don't mean to call yourself a bitch and I don't think you deserved to be called one. I'm so sorry, Aera." He certainly looked guilty and I hated myself for wanting to forgive him.

"Have you apologized to Changmin?"

"Huh?"

"I said, have you said sorry to Changmin?"

He reluctantly shakes his head. My father always told me don't make decisions based on temporary anger because the permanent regrets that follow after will destroy me. Three years of friendship shouldn't crumble overnight, it's a castle I could and should protect with my all might. "Look, I appreciate the fact you approach me and said sorry to me personally. I don't want to make a drama out of a small argument so please, the next time you're about to speak when you're angry, just don't, this isn't the first time you acted this way to me. I really valued our friendship more than my temporary anger so I'll forgive you."