Planning Your Future

What Is This Feeling? (Part 2)

December 2, 1991

Veronica's POV

I get back to the dorms. I have to tell him. For him and me, but a little for Dr. Akopian. I knock on his door. Kyle is the one to answer. "Hey! What's up?" He smiles. "Hey Kyle, I just need to talk to JD." He lets me in but starts to close the door. "Alone." I add. He takes the hint and leaves.

JD is at his desk, doing homework. He turns around in his chair. "Hey! How did therapy go?" He asks. "It was okay. It's therapy." I sit beside him. "What's wrong?" Oh god, here we go. "Um... I lied to you last night. About the sorority girls." This is gonna suck. "Okay... then what were you doing?" I take a breath. "I was talking and drinking with this girl and we got drunk... and kissed." He shifts in his chair, "Oh..." I expected this response. "I know. It was stupid and I've felt bad ever since. Then Erika called me out and told me I might be bisexual which I didn't really understand before. Then my therapist agreed with her and told me to tell you what happened. But I'm just really scared you'll be mad and think I don't love you. Even though I really do love you. I'd never-" He stops my rambling by kissing me. "You're not mad?" I'm confused. "Well... I'm not happy about the kiss or you lying, but I'm not upset if you like women. I told you the other night I was okay with that. I know you love me and as long as you say you do, I believe it." I kiss him again.

"You are way more supportive than I thought you'd be." I put my forehead against his. "I've kind of thought you were for a while." He admits. "Huh?" I back up. "When the stuff happened with Henry and the news, I felt like you were taking it a little personal. That might be me but that's what I thought." He shrugs. I'm a little shocked because I didn't realize that's how that came off to him. I saw it as support for Heather but maybe it was something else. "But it's okay. It's not a bad thing." He kisses my forehead. "I'll let you get your work done." I try to smile. I leave and go back to my dorm.

Erika is reading in bed. "Hey Erika." She puts her book down, "I'm guessing you talked to JD." Is it that obvious? "Yeah. He took it well." I say. "That's good. Why don't you look happy?" She asks. "Apparently he already knew." I still don't get how. "Well he knows you better than anyone. I'm not surprised that he knew. Sometimes I think he knows you better than you know yourself." She's honestly right. He does know me best. I let it go.

I go to class the next morning, passing Aaron's seat. Every time I pass it, I feel like someone's reaching into my chest and giving my heart a hard squeeze. Other people in the class will sometimes do the same but it's always accompanied with a look of sympathy for me. I sit in my chair, ready to get this class over with. I enjoyed the short break away from it.

After class, I try to leave but Ms. Butler stops me. "Veronica, I just wanted to check in with you. How are you?" It must be weird having one of your students attempt to kill another. "I'm okay. I'm just trying to get through the rest of the semester." I can't wait for Christmas break. I'll never have to be in this classroom again. "I get that. Well I'll see you next week." I smile at her before leaving, bumping into someone at the door.

I look at who I bumped into and it's Amber, the girl from the other night. "Hey! You're Veronica, right?" I nod, not wanting to continue this conversation. "I'm sorry about that..." She brings her voice down, "kiss." Trust me: so am I. "It's okay. I was a part of it too." I really have to get out of this. "Well it was nice talking to you." I give her a friendly smile. "Oh, yeah it was. I'll see you around I guess." She walks away. That was easy.

I do homework for the rest of the day. Erika comes back with takeout for the both of us. We eat while I get my work done. "JD didn't mean it the way you heard it, you know." She says suddenly. "I know. I'm not mad at him, I'm confused about myself." I'm also terrified of anyone in Sherwood finding out. If they found out, they'd crucify me. "I know you come from somewhere that isn't super accepting, but for right now, you're somewhere where people don't care who you find attractive." She pats my knee.