Planning Your Future

This Is Me

February 21, 1991

Veronica's POV

I sit down in my Creative Writing class. Aaron walks in and stops when he sees me. He passes me and keeps going towards the back. Ms Butler comes in. Good morning, everyone." She greets us. She looks down at her desk. I feel something hit the back of my head. I find a folded piece of paper on the floor. I unfold it and read it.

"How's the boyfriend?"

I turn around to look at Aaron. He has a pissed off look on his face. I give him one in return. I turn back to the front. I get that he's mad but he was kind of an asshole and he needs to recognize that. And he needs to stop acting like a teenage boy about the breakup.

Class ends so we all pack up. Aaron walks past me and knocks my stuff onto the floor. I scoff and pick it up. "Dick." I mutter. I wait a minute before leaving so we're not near each other. Ms Butler gives me a parting smile and I give her one as well.

I lay on my bed. "How was class with Aaron?" Erika asks. "He sucks." I groan. "I never saw it until we broke up." He was a nice guy but that was probably a facade. "I saw it." She says. JD knocks and opens the door. "Knock knock." I laugh, "You know, if you just come in before we invite you, it defeats the point of knocking." He kisses me.

"So my dad's birthday is Saturday and I'm leaving tomorrow to visit him. Do you want to come?" I ask. "Sure." JD says. "Great." I smile. "Too bad I have rehearsals all weekend." Erika sighs. "Yeah, I wish you could come." I frown.

I sleep on JD's shoulder for most of the flight. We had to leave way too early so I was exhausted. JD wakes me up when we land. "Hey. We're here." He shakes me.

My dad picks us up. I sit in the back with JD. "So how is school?" My dad asks. "Good." We both answer. We don't want to tell him that we had fought, broke up, I dated someone else who's acting like a child, then we got back together. "That is great." He smiles at us through the rear view mirror.

We get to the house and unload our stuff. We go to my room which looks the same as last time I was here. "I haven't been here in almost a year." He laughs. It's true, the last time he came was my birthday last year. That was when we had moved all my stuff to his place. He sits on the bed.

I look at the clock. "Oh, I better go soon. I need to get to the prison." I grab my bag. "You're visiting Heather?" He seems disappointed. "Can I tell you something?" I sit next to him. "What?" He curiously looks at me. "Remember when we went to Alex because Heather was haunting my dreams?" I didn't tell him before because I thought I was crazy. "Yeah...?" I take a deep breath, "Heather told me something in the dream. She told me that Heather Duke had a different reason for killing her." He takes a second to think about what I was telling him. "Are you sure she wasn't just saying that?" He asks. "No. I know she wanted me to figure it out. I have to know. And... I'm here so why not?" I stand up, "I need to go now." He nods, letting me go.

I pick up the phone. "Hey Heather." I greet her. "Hey! I didn't know you were going to be in town." She says. "My dad's birthday's tomorrow so I came to visit. But... I had a reason for visiting..." I don't even know how to start this. "And that is...?" She tries to lead me into saying it. "I had a dream that Heather told me you had an alternate reason for killing her. I don't know if that was just me or... I don't know. But I had to ask." I pause, waiting for an answer.

"I did." She mumbles. "What was it?" I ask. "Um... I... loved her." She gets out. "What?" I don't understand. "I loved Heather. Like... as more than a friend. That's why I did everything she wanted. I know it doesn't excuse how I treated people but..." She sighs. "It's okay. I forgive you." I assure her. "But keep going." I assume there's more to the story. She looks at her free hand. "Well I told her a few weeks before Prom and she just laughed at me and called me a dyke. Then every time we were alone she called me 'Duke the Dyke.' Then we got in a fight the night she died. She screamed at me that my crush on her was stupid and then she just started drinking. Eventually, she thought of you and went to find you." She looks at me. "I followed her to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. Then once you left, she continued calling me names and I hit her. Then she started taunting me so I kept hitting her." At this point she's starting to cry. "I didn't mean to kill her. But she just... she made me feel so stupid for my feelings. I think I took out the hate I had for myself for loving her... on her." She's now crying. "Heather, I didn't know. But you shouldn't feel bad for how you feel. But what are you more upset about, liking Heather or liking a girl?" I don't care if she's gay but I need to know. "I think both." Her voice is shaky. "Heather, if this is who you are, then this is who you are. I'll be your friend whether you like girls, guys, or even if you don't like either." I wish I could hug her but unfortunately I can't. "This is me, but I don't know how to deal with that. Imagine if everyone found out that the former popular girl was a lesbian. They'd crucify me even further." Tears are streaming down her face. "Heather, who cares what other people think of you? There are so many people that will support you for who you are." I tell her. "Really?" She asks. "Yes. Listen, I have to go but I'll come back before I go back to Massachusetts." I say. "Okay, bye." She wipes her face. "Bye."

I never knew she felt that way. I only wish it didn't turn out the way it did. If only she had stood up to Heather. If she had, maybe I could have helped her. Maybe she wouldn't be in jail. But I can't blame her. I know it must have been so hard to admit that to me. I hope when she gets out she can make a life for herself and be happy without having secrets. I really want that for her.