Planning Your Future

Unruly Heart

August 7, 1992

Veronica's POV

We wrap up for the day. We've finally worked out the kinks and I'm no longer nervous about Saturday. "So tomorrow is the big day, do we want to rehearse one more time before going on?" I ask. "I think we could use all the practice we can get." Dennis says. JD and Ethan nod in agreement. "Okay. We'll meet at three and then I'll see you guys at the theater." Ethan takes his guitar and leaves.

JD is packing up his guitar. "Hey, are you doing okay today?" He's seemed a little down since Wednesday. "I'm doing better. These rehearsals have helped me to get my mind off of it." He shrugs, picking up his guitar case. "I'm glad to hear it." I give him a friendly smile. "Hey, what are you doing right now?" I bet he wants to hang out. Unfortunately, I can't. "Alyssa is coming over. My dad has to a conference today so he won't be home tonight." But he promised he'd come back in time for the show. "Okay, have fun." He sighs and goes upstairs. I grab my sheet music. Then I fold up my keyboard. When I get home, I put it back in the attic. I know I should put it somewhere that's a little easier to move, but I like to practice in the attic at the end of the day. It may be harder, but my piano isn't that heavy. I run through the song, even trying to go higher than we'd rehearsed. It works out well so I'll try it out at our final rehearsal. They'll most likely encourage me to do it as they've been doing since we started rehearsing. JD especially has been trying to get me to experiment with my voice. I've been told I have a pretty wide range.

Alyssa knocks on the door. I don't hear it at first but once she knocks again, I leave the attic. "Come in." I say when I open the door. "Hey. Tomorrow's the big day! I just bought my ticket." She shows off the little piece of paper. "Good. I hope you like it. We've been working our asses off. Ethan told me earlier today that he was thinking of starting his own band at his college in New York. So this has been positive for the others as well." Dennis goes to school for journalism so he won't be doing anything with music. But he did say this has been a good stress reliever. "That's good. What about you and JD? Are you gonna find people in Boston?" She asks. "Yeah. We'll have auditions when we get back." We'll probably choose a name once we find our other members.

"So I started writing a brand new song. Do you want to hear it?" She gasps, "I'd love to." I take her to the attic and sit at my piano. "This is all I have so far. It's called Unruly Heart." I take a deep breath.
"Some hearts can conform
Fitting the norm
Flaunting their love for all to see
I tried to change
Thinking how easy life could be
I just kept on failing
I guess that was a sign
That there wasn't much hope
For this unruly heart of mine"

I look at Alyssa. "What do you think? It's obviously not even close to done." I started working on it last night. "It's beautiful. I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of it." She comes over to me and kisses my cheek. "I'm glad you like it." I was really proud of it when I first wrote it. "Now, what do you want to do?" I ask her. "I don't know. There's so much we could do. Especially since your dad won't be back tonight." She smirks as we head back downstairs. "Well you know what a good place to start is?" I put my arms around her neck. I kiss her. We go over to the couch and I lean against the back of it as we kiss.

I sit on the back of the couch and put my legs around Alyssa. I start to undo her shirt. I stop when I hear a clicking sound from outside. "What the hell is that?" I pull away. I look out the window. Shit. It's Henry holding a fucking camera. Alyssa sees him as well and quickly backs away.

I run outside. "What the fuck, Henry!" I try to grab the camera. "I fucking knew it. Veronica Sawyer is nothing but a disgusting dyke. This proves it." He hold the camera above my head. "Seriously? You can do what you want to me, but don't involve her. She hadn't done anything to deserve this." He can hurt me all he wants. But Alyssa's done nothing to Henry. "Her very existence is cause enough." He goes to leave. "Why are you so disgusted by gay people? Why are you so offended at us just being with the person we love?" I'm fighting tears. "That isn't love. You're probably just trying to piss off your mom. Or maybe you and JD got in a fight so you got with her to make him mad." I'm going to kill him. "My breakup with JD is completely unrelated to my relationship with Alyssa. And I never even told my mom because she's not in my life anymore. I haven't talked to her in a year." I wouldn't tell her even if she was still in my life. I was considering telling my dad but I figured it would be better to wait. "Whatever you have to tell yourself. But this is going everywhere." He smirks.

He gets in his car and drives off, me trying to chase after him. "Get back here you fucking asshole!" I yell. What the fuck am I going to do? I stand in the street, mind racing. I'm totally fucked.

I go back inside where Alyssa is panicking. "What am I going to do? If he puts that photo out there, I'm done for. I'll never be allowed back at the camp, no one will hire me, my mom and grandparents will disown me, and my life will be over." She starts to hyperventilate. "Alyssa, calm down please." I don't blame her but seeing her freaking out like this is not pleasant. "No. I can't, Veronica. This can't continue. We have to-" She breaks down crying. "What are you saying?" I know what she's saying. "I think we need to break up." She say with tears pouring down her face. She walks out of the house. I don't stop her.

I sit on the couch, in shock. I've just ruined two lives. Mine and Alyssa. Everyone will know by tomorrow. There's a knock at the door. "Come in." I weakly call out. "Hey, I was just wanted to talk to you about the show tomorrow and-" JD comes in and stops when I turn around. "Oh God. What happened?" He rushes to sit beside me. "Henry got a picture of me kissing Alyssa. He's going to show everyone. And to make it worse, Alyssa panicked and broke up with me. So he ruined my relationship and both of our lives." I try to stifle my tears. JD stands up. "What?" He just shakes his head and storms out.

JD's POV

After Veronica tells me about Henry, I drive myself to the bastard's house. I don't even knock. I throw the door open. "What the-" His mom screams and stays against the wall. "Henry! I'm going to kill you." I shout. Henry comes out of his kitchen. "What are you doing here?" He rolls his eyes. I grab him by the collar of his shirt. I bring him outside and push him to the ground. "Are you fucking kidding me? You are so homophobic that you'll drive to Veronica's house and take a picture of a private moment? Who she's with is none of your concern! Maybe you should get a life instead of ruining hers and Alyssa's. If you put that picture out there, she will lose her job at the camp she is a counselor at." I shout. "She shouldn't work at one. She shouldn't be allowed to be around kids." Henry stays on the ground, but is still as smug as ever. "Because she's gay? Just because she likes women doesn't mean she likes children. That's not how that fucking works!" The idea that gay people like kids is the stupidest shit I've ever heard.

"You should gain some empathy, you psychopath! I don't expect your small brain to comprehend that some people are different. Some people love people of the same gender. Some people love the opposite gender. It doesn't matter either way. But you... you probably aren't capable of loving anyone!" Henry jumps up and punches me in the face. Luckily I'm pretty sure he didn't break my nose. I punch him back, and I punch him back hard. If I didn't break his nose, then I broke something else. When he gets back up, his nose is gushing blood. Yep, his nose is definitely broken. He goes to hit me again, but he just falls over. I look over my shoulder, "I'd call an ambulance!" I yell to his mother.

I show up at the McNamara house for dinner. Hank and my mom are laughing about something in the dining room. Heather walks down the stairs, smiling when she sees me. "Hey! How-" She stops when she sees my face andhand. "What did you do? Don't you have a show tomorrow?" She pulls me by my arm into the bathroom. "While I do this, you are going to tell me what the hell happened." She sits me on the toilet, pulling the rubbing alcohol from under the sink. "I may have punched Henry so hard that he passed out from blood loss." She almost drops the bottle. "You what?" She tries to keep her voice down. "Jason... I-don't-know-your-middle-name Dean!" And she will never find out. Unless my mom says it. "He stalked Veronica and took a picture of her and Alyssa. He's threatening to show it to people. I told him off, he punched me, so I punched him back. At least he didn't do much damage." Some basic stage makeup could cover it. "Dammit. I want to be mad. But he deserved it. But you're so lucky he's a weak little bitch. Your face is fine and you punched him with your left hand. Which makes me question what would've happened had you used your right hand." She pours the alcohol on my hand. I wince. I didn't even think about which hand I was using when I did it. It works out perfectly since I have to use this hand to play tomorrow.

Veronica's POV

I sit at my desk, writing. I finish the song I showed to  Alyssa. Then I go to the piano, putting the music on the stand. I sniffle as I start to play. I sing, holding back tears the entire time. As I play the final note, I finally let it all out. Because of Henry, I just lost the only person who truly made me feel okay. I'm not even mad at her. I understand why Alyssa broke up with me. She was scared for what would happen to her. I don't even see it as selfish. Self-preservation is not always selfish. She had much more to lose. She was just protecting herself. I can't blame her for that.

I hope you enjoyed! I attached the song she sings for those of you who haven't heard it before. Bye!