Mᴜsᴋ

"You think you do?"

ᴛғ ᴛʜɪs ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɢᴏᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ

I took Ashtons advice.

It led me to Lydias door.

We sat and talked about everything and she forgives me, she really shouldn't but I'm so grateful she did.

I then left her house and made my way over to Kaykays, surprisingly Ashton wasn't there which meant the two of us could really talk about things.

She also accepted my apology and then laughed at me for being all cheesy and soppy which made me laugh too. She was proud of me for being vulnerable.

I was now in the car driving to Calums. I knew I needed to talk to him. It was so important that I did.

He is so important to me.

I got out the car and I walked up to his front door. I cringed as I realised that I was wearing the same outfit from yesterday, as soon as I left Ashtons this morning I went to Lydias so I never got to change. This is more important. But now I realise how cringe this is and how bad it looks that I'm wearing his hoodie as I'm apologising to him.

I could've went back to the car and drove home and got a shower and made an effort but he'd already answered the door and seeing him made me stomach flip.

He never said anything, he just stepped back and let me in. I turned around to watch him close the door, once it was locked he turned to face me. He looked rough too. His eyes were puffy and had dark circles under them. He was only in sweatpants. I tried to not look at his bare chest because I knew I'd get too distracted.

"Hi" I smiled weakly.

He shook his head and walked right past me and into the living room.

I froze, do I follow him? Or was that an indication to leave?

"Well are you gonna just stand there?" He called from the couch.

I walked into living room that I'd missed, I sat at the other end so there was a massive gap between us.

"So"

"So" he replied flatly.

"Okay I'm just gonna say everything" I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself to fully open up to the boy I've been so scared to open up to.

"Calum, I just want to apologise, not just for the other night- well yes the other night- but for everything. I put you through so much shit and I treat you horribly, I always have a bad attitude and I expect you to just keep up with me. And that's not fair on you, I know it's exhausting spending more than half an hour with me, I know. I completely understand if you never want to see me again because you deserve someone who will not be an absolute bitch to you for no reason. I just wanted to let you know throughout the past 5 months we've spent together, you've changed me. And yes of course it won't look like it to you or anyone. But my god, you've made me a much better person, and you've helped me. This is so fucking cheesy but you broke so many walls I built to keep everyone out but for some reason I want you in, I want to let you in so badly and I'm trying. I'm trying to be better for you. Because that's what you deserve, and I know a few weeks ago you said you didn't need me to change to be your girlfriend but I understand I need to tone things down a little- a lot. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really like you, I've never had this with anyone before. You're the first person I've ever cared about and that I've wanted to let into my life. Apart from Kay and Lydia of course, but I don't know, you make me feel safe. I, I don't know. I'm sorry"

I dropped my head not wanting to look at him, a shiver went up my spine at the thought of what I just done. But I knew it was the right thing to do, I just need to wait for what he has to say.

What if he doesn't say anything?

"Dani" he spoke softly making me feel more comfortable. My head stayed low.

"Danielle" he whispered.

"Please look at me" I couldn't.

I felt him move closer on the couch to me till he was sitting right against me, his body head making me feel warmer and safe. An effect Calum always had on me.

He reached down and lifted my chin with his middle and index finger, I didn't stop him. I looked up into his eyes, his eyes that were filled with tears. Shit. Did I make Calum cry? This is why I have opening up.

"I understand if you want me to leave" I mumbled.

He sighed and dropped his head, his hands falling to my side.

"I know you don't do relationships, but just because we've had one argu- heated conversation, it doesn't mean we need to break up and I never see you again, it doesn't mean I hate you, it doesn't mean"- he cut himself off and his hands gripped my hips. He pulled me so I was sitting in between his legs facing him.

I feel so weak, so weak. I feel like I'm in a complete puddle of mush. I've gone all soft since I've been with Calum. It's like he has this power over me in all kinds of ways, not just a sexual one but in a really intimate way. It's like he's the only person I could spend days with without getting bored of them or start hating them. He's the only person I feel I can really open up to and they won't judge me or talk shit behind my back.

When I'm around him I'm always trying to impress him and I get all sweaty and hot. I don't know why or what that feeling is but it's never happened to me with someone before.

I couldn't think.

I just placed my hands on the side of Calum's face and kissed him.

The kiss was slow, but oh my god it was everything.

I felt this tingle in my stomach as he licked my lips and his tongue slipped into my mouth deepening it. As our tongues danced with each other he pulled me further up into has lap, his hands tracing small circles on my lower back.

This was so passionate I felt like I had to do something to make it more rough, or say something snarky to kill the vibe- but I didn't. I just leaned in more, wanting to kiss him forever.

"I think I love you"

I brought my hand up to my mouth quicker than I could blink making a slapping sound.

I surprised myself with that.

What the fuck.

Is that what the feeling was?

Love?

But love freaks and grosses me out.

"You think you do?" He laughed. 

"No" I smiled widely. "I know I do,
I've never loved anyone before and I don't know what it feels like but this, this feels right. I love you Calum" I couldn't stop smiling.

He smiled back and laughed a little, he flipped us over on the couch so he was now on top of me and my legs were around his waist. He leaned into my neck and kissed my ear before whispering into it.

"I love you too Danielle, I love you"

He pushed himself up so he was looking down on me, his eyes scanned down my chest and he laughed.

"Nice hoodie by the way"

I laughed and sat up grabbed his neck pulling him back down on me, wanting to kiss him for the rest of the night.

I

Am

In

Love