You're such a weirdo

Chapter Twenty

This isn't Love

We stood in the same position after the kiss. His eyes were looking directly at mine like he was begging for more. But I held him back. Why I'm feeling so hypnotized? After I came back to my senses I pushed him away. "I-I should go." I mumbled and tried to get up. "Ren." He stopped me, as he held my wrist. "L-let g-go." I stuttered, while I was trying to free me but he didn't let go. "Look at me." He commanded but I didn't listen to him. I just wanted to run away from here. "Look at me!" He said again louder. I sighed and looked at him. "I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault and I don't want this to affect our friendship..."
"Zuko. Are you out of your mind?!" I shouted. He widened his eyes and looked confused because of my reaction. " I know it was wrong but-"
"Wrong?! WRONG?! You are in a relationship, Zuko! How could you betray your girlfriend like this and also play with other's feelings?!" I cut him off angrily. "Mai broke up with me." He answered calmly. They broke up? That was all I wanted this whole time, wasn't it? But why am I not feeling satisfied? "Why?"
"What?" He asked back. "why did you kiss me?" I stopped trying to free me and looked at him. "I have feelings for you." He confessed. Finally. The sentence I wanted to hear all this time! I should be happy. I should be jumping around and hold him tightly. I should be telling everyone he's mine and only mine. But I knew he was still not mine and all I could do was to tear up because this wasn't what I dreamed of. "Ren? Why are you crying?" He asked worried and caressed my cheek. A weak smile appeared on my face. "You know... I always dreamed of this situation.."
He began to smile. "Really? That means you have feelings for me too?"
"I wish I wouldn't..." I whispered before I continued.
"You don't really have feelings for me. And that's making everything painfuller for me..."
"What do you mean?" He asked confused, as his smile dropped. "You don't love me, Zuko. You think you love me...but you don't." I laughed weakly. "Of course I do!"
"You're thinking like that because you're lonely." I answered, while I stepped back. "You don't love me, Zuko. And I will tell you this every time you insist that you do. Because if you really loved me.. I wouldn't be your second option..." I stopped and took a deep breath. "If you really loved me it would be you who would break up first, not Mai. You are just lonely and you want to fill up that hole that she left behind." I wiped my tears away. "That's not true!" He said and stepped torwards me, but I stopped him. "What would you do if she would come back right now and say that she wants you back?" I asked him. He couldn't answer. "See. You love her, not me. But I'm happy that you know how I feel now." I smiled. I felt relieved. "If you have a correct answer for the question next time, you can try to confess again and I will try to believe you." I told him, before I left quickly. I ran to my room and threw myself down on the bed, just to start crying hysterically into my pillow.

~

"Welcome back, Fire Lord Zuko! Welcome back lady Ursa!" The crowd shouted. "Why so Sullen, general Iroh?" The soldier asked, who was sitting with us in the caravan. "I find that method acting works the best for me. How can I wave with angst if I don't feel the angst? Right, Ren?"
"Mhm.." I mumbled. Iroh and I were decoys, while Zuko and his family travelled along a hidden route with Suki. I volunteered, so I wouldn't have to see him after what happened yesterday. "What's wrong?" He asked me worried. I sighed. "Nothing.."
"Ren."
I looked at him then to the soldier, who looked embarrassed. "It's not the right place."
"Then tell me how is Rui doing? Did she still not regret it?"
First I didn't understand what he meant but then I realized that 'Rui' should be me. "She confessed already and she doesn't regret it but it wasn't like what she dreamed of. She's still trapped."
"Tell her that patience will lead her to her answers."
"I will." I sighed and looked outside at the crowd. We drew awhile when suddenly the caravan stopped. "What's happening?" I asked curiously, as I heard fighting sounds. "We're under attack." Iroh answered. "Iroh! You okay in there?" I heard Mai. "Oh! Yes! The dragon of the west is ready for-" he shouted and opened to door but stopped."-action?" He looked perplexed around. I followed him and saw all the men down, who were attacking us. "Good work, everyone!And so quick!" Iroh complimented. "Too quick. My dad's gathered an army, yet he sends these six buffoons to take out Zuko? Doesn't add up." She said and went to an one of the assassins. She pulled him up by his hair. "What's your game, nutjob?"
"Ngh! You won't get anything out of me! Power to the fire nation! Free fire lord Ozai!" He shouted. I can't believe there are crazy people like this existing. The new Ozai society? More like clowns society. Even that would be an insult for clowns. And I thought that Zuko was making all this crap up. "Suki's distress flare!" Ty lee pointed at the flare in the sky that was far away. Something also happened to them!

————————-
[!! English is not my first language so there will be some mistakes]

Hope you liked it!