fall back ... sapnap

sixteen.

maybe it was because christmas was in two days, or maybe it was other, definitely more exciting, things, but nick was happy. really happy.

and his friends could tell.

everyone could tell really- not just his family, even his fans could tell there was something going on with the boy behind the sapnap username.

after a really fun stream, his name even started trending. usually, he didn't pay attention to the tweets underneath the trending pages, but the one he couldn't miss was a certain girls,

anna two | annalovespandas
HAPPY SAPNAP (thats it. that's the tweet)

↳ user1 | user1
u get so much hate but
i can gen tell u care about
sapnap

↳ user2 | user2
HAPPY SAPNAP HAPPY SAPNAP

↳ sapnap | sapnapalt
okay

seconds after reading nick's reply to her tweet, she heard a knock on her bedroom door. it was weird being back in her old room, it was so plain. her parents had made it into a make-shift storage closet, so her bed was surrounded by boxes filled with anything and everything.

"yes?" anna responded to the knock from her door, moving her laptop off her lap,

her mother opened the door slowly, "hey, do you want to talk?"

"about what?" anna laughed at her mother's serious tone, she wasn't used to it, especially not during the christmas season.

audra frowned at her daughters words, shutting the door behind as she walked further into the room, sitting next to anna on her bed.

"you're dad hasn't been home since yesterday." her mother spoke, making anna confused, her eyes brows raising. her dad was almost never home, why, out of all times, was her mother telling her now?

"yeah, i know."

her mom sighed, frustrated at her daughter not getting the point, "i don't think you understand, my love, i don't think he's going to come to the christmas party this year."

anna laughed, shaking her head, "of course he isn't."

"you're not upset?"

"i'm upset, but- i just should've expected it." she shrugged, "it's like every time something good happens, another thing comes and fucks it up."

"anna!" her mother yelled, disapprovingly,

"what?" the 19-year-old yelled back, standing up from the bed, "am i not allowed to be a little bit mad at the fact dad is never here?"

"you're allowed to be upset, anna, but this is not a way to express that." audra talked to her daughter,

anna sighed, "i'm sorry, okay? i didn't mean to get mad at you, it's not your fault. i'm just- this is so stupid."

anna fell back onto the bed, her tears falling simultaneously, "i just don't understand why he doesn't want to be here. i just got back."

her mom's mouth opened slightly, before closing seconds later. for once, she didn't know the answer to the question.

"can i just, can i just be alone for a little bit?" she asked, rubbing the last of the tears off her eyes with the sleeve of her- well, nick's, sweatshirt.

her mother nodded, leaning to give her daughter a kiss on her forehead, before silently walking out the door of her room.

anna fell onto her back on the small bed, staring at the ceiling. it didn't make sense to her why her father never showed up.

it didn't make sense that it finally was starting to effect her now.

all of these years, her father was never there. he never cared enough too be, but she never truly cared that much. people had it worse, and she had such a good mother that she didn't care. sometimes it made her upset, but very few times did it make her cry.

so why now? why now did she freak out?

just like she'd told her mother, every time she saw the light, she'd fall back down to the dirt. she could never fully reach the top. any source of happiness anna was gifted, she felt as if it could only last a short amount of time. never did it fully last.

she didn't like to cry. she felt as if it made her weak, though she knew it didn't, but it was something that always rested in her brain the second a tear threatened to fall. anna was strong. she didn't need to cry to get her emotions out, no. she needed to yell.

but she couldn't do that either.

so when anna heard the small creak of her door opening, she went with the second option, and her tears began to fall again.

nick quickly walked over to the girl, letting her fall into him as he sat next to her on the bed. her arms immediately wrapped around the boy, trying to seek comfort in the one thing she could find it from, him.

"he never cares." anna spoke into his shirt as she sobbed, all the emotions from the past months without him falling out in seconds,

sapnap bit the inside of his cheek, holding onto the girl he loved tightly, rubbing her back, mimicking the way she always hugged him. the upset look stuck onto his face as he spoke, "i know."

there was no use denying it, anna and him had this conversation all the time. their dads didn't care. it was the one thing that they felt no one else understood, except them.

it was just them in that moment. the locked door behind him, and the broken girl he held next to him, but the difference was her emotions weren't locked up like they usually were. anna was unlocked, she wanted to tell him everything.

she was going to tell him everything.