Vicious Romance

Chapter 19

I stare out the cab window, aimlessly, dreading the upcoming 'date' with Noah. It was 7:13, yet it was still hard for me to breathe properly, focus decently.

I spent the entire day balling my eyes out, yet it wasn't enough. There weren't enough tears in this world to cope with Anita's death. There was too much good in her. She didn't deserve this, any of this.

I drive anger towards myself, for not focusing on her case the past week, and again, I can't help but feel that this, is my fault.

That's why I shouldn't be going out tonight... but I am.

I should be burdening myself, burying myself in the guilt that my best friend is dead, because of me.

I say the phrase again.

My best friend is dead because of me.

No matter how many times I say it, my chest remains heavy, my breathing stays shaky, and I feel as if someone's put a thousand pounds on me. It's suffocating.

I don't even realize when the cab stops in front of an old, brown, apartment building in Greenwich Village. It's not until he asks for a tip, that I look up, and step out of the cab, staring at the building once more.

When I hear the cab drive off, I slowly make my way to the entrance, confirming that this is the address that Noah gave me.

I walk in, and the musty air hits my face, my eyes grazing upon the chipped paint on the walls.

I sigh, ignoring the stale smell that intoxicates my nose, and find the elevator.

Once I do, I step inside the glass box, press the button for the top floor, as Noah said to do.

As the small box moves up, I take a good look at myself in the mirrors embedded on the walls. My grey jeans look rusted and worn out. On the other hand, the black, lace crop top I'm wearing, is ironed, neat, and fabulous. I chuckle to myself... What a pair, I think.

I take a closer look at myself. There's mascara smudged underneath my eyes, and I silently curse at myself for crying too much.

I get closer to the mirror and try to clean the smudges, making it look like they were never there.

Once I'm done, I look at myself again, trying to put on this mask of happiness, but my red, swollen eyes give me away.

I try to plaster a bright smile on my face, but it doesn't change anything. Before I can do anything else, the elevator lets out a large dinging noise, just as its doors open. I'm introduced to a small, grey hallway, where nothing lies but a door standing across from me.

I sigh and decide to walk through the door. I am met with the harsh, chilly air, and within seconds, I am shivering from top to bottom.

But as my eyes meet the scenery ahead of me, all is forgotten.

There's a large picnic blanket, laying in the middle of the rooftop. Around it is strings of globe lights, illuminating the area, and ahead of it all: is a large projector screen. Despite the cold, this is the cutest setup ever, and I unwillingly let out a small smile.

While I'm admiring the lights, Noah walks up to me and lets out a smile in my direction. I turn to him and try to uphold my smile, but my emotions fail me.

I smile, but I can tell that it doesn't reach my eyes.

"Hey, you came," he says cheerfully, looking at me, and then frowning. "You good, love?" he asks softly, tracing his eyes along my face.

I have the temptation to collapse in his arms, to repeat this morning's episode- but I don't. I can't. I must be strong.

Put up a strong front, put up a strong front, I scold myself. Don't give in, don't give in.