shades of you. (gxg)

chapter 2 - Elina Rose

I looked out my window, watching the stars and the moon shine above me. The birds flew by chirping as I could hear the crickets chirp as well.

I watched down of the streets of the busy city of New York.. So many people there. I wondered if one of them could be my mate.. I searched all around the world for her yet i'm still here, sitting on my sofa, staring into the moon and the people down below.

Person after person, i've never been able to find the one. The one person i'm supposed to truly connect with. No matter with who I was with, it always ended up terribly. I broke their hearts or ended up shredding them out of anger. It never felt right, but I didn't stop myself. So for several years, I decided to stay alone. Well of course, I was surrounded by my family and friends but I don't really bother contacting them as much as I used to. Maybe this whole mate thing is getting to me.

I have a bit of trouble telling the truth and being honest with others. I don't understand how to in some situations. But there I go.. Most of the time and days, there's nothing for me to feel. There's no thrill, happiness, or anything to feel which is boring at times. Sometimes, when I wake up.. It's an ongoing cycle. The same thing everyday and it's impossible to change. I have to do the same and same, and I wonder sometimes.. what if I stopped.. What if I gave everything up and just laid on my bed, doing nothing for as long as time keeps ongoing.

So many decades have passed with the same feeling. With the same cycle. I've traveled all around, but there is nothing. No one for me, and I am for no one. Theres this void i've tried to fill in many distinctive ways.. but there's nothing.

I've come across women who've looked like models, who are absolutely beautiful and have sweet souls. Yet, there's no connection with them.. I don't feel any attraction no matter how much I force myself to. There's nothing for me.. I don't even try to indulge myself.

The hate, the sadness, the emptiness.

Its always the same cycle.

Sometimes, I envy the people who surround me. They've found everything they needed, they have it all. Their puzzle is complete, there's no missing parts. However, i'm still in the same spot! Nothing has changed, and i'm beginning to think that things won't change.

I prayed to the goddess above to help me find my mate.. To help me feel complete.

New york is one of the few states I haven't came to yet to find my mate but I hope I do in this big city. There's so many people here and one of them could be my mate.. Only the goddess knows.. And I hope that I find her somewhere in this big world.

Some supernaturals are even lucky to find their mates.. It's rare to find mates. It isn't easy, I'll have to say but I really hope and I really do hope I find her. I don't want to die alone in sadness or in emptiness. I want to feel euphoric and so many things.. I want to to travel with my mate and I want to take her places she's never been. I want to do so many things with my mate but I don't even know if I have one..

I snapped out of my thoughts and sighed as I stood up to put my coffee mug in the sink. After I did that, I put on a tank top and some jeans, also putting of my brown leather jacket. I just want to take a walk around and feel the fresh air.. I need fresh air anyways.

I grabbed my keys and went down the elevator. I speeded threw the big gates and started to walk slowly again. I finally felt the wind all around.. I could breath better instead of being inside and feeling suffocated.

In all the two-thousand years I have lived.. I never thought I'd feel like this. Back then I would tell myself everything is going to be alright and that everything is going to come my way I just need patience.. But it's running out. Everything isn't alright.

God i'm so lonely.. I need to get a bigger place and call my family and a few friends to come. I'm tired of all of this, of being lonely.. I really need someone.

But I don't want anyone or the world to see how i'm doing.. It makes me feel like i'm annoying them in a way.

This really isn't healthy..