shades of you. (gxg)

Chapter 25 - Scarlet

I roamed around my home, passing every framed photo that hung from the walls. Almost every photo demonstrates our whole family.. All of then from both sides. But then, there were pictures of only Jodie or all of us alone. As I kept on walking, I came across one photo of when Jods started school. It was her first year and I could still feel the radiation of her joy through the photo. I remeber her jumping around like a child opening presents on christmas day. She was absolutely excited to meet new people!

I supposed mostly I remebered that day.. Since Leon had to work. He wasn't home that whole day and I tried my best to keep her happy. She's the best of me and i'd do anything for that girl. However, I haven't been in the office much.. and when I was I always dreaded it. It was absolutely boring! It was the same cycle over and over, it became predictable over time. However.. It did keep my mind occupied for many hours so i've been debating whether I should go back or stay. There's been so much happening and everythings been so messy.

Thinking about it, it reminded me of my parents. They would always argue about the smallest things and then ignore each other for hours. The things they argued about.. I wasn't even old to comprehend them. And for several days, not a single word would be spoken. They'd wait until one of them said something to each other because they saw everything as a competition and didn't want to seem weak. I never understood that wnd it was useless trying to.

As I kept on strolling, I came across another image of Leon and I. We were so young when we had met. I still remember it and hold it close to my heart. It was a sunny and humid day.. meeting him felt like such a dream. At the time, he seemed like the man i'd spend the rest of my life with but now that's all torn apart. It's useless trying to build our relationship once again.. As much as i'd want to that's out of my power.

Our whole marriage had to be a mistake.. Even if we truly loved each other. I should've known that it wouldn't have worked out from the very beginning.

The whole marriage was a mistake.. even if we loved eachother, it wouldn't have worked and I should've seen that from the start.

Mamá and Pa were right. I guess they've always been right. They never approved of him nor liked him from the start. I remembered when my mother bought in handsome men my age to woo me and so I left Leon. However, I couldn't just leave him..There was more to him than what they saw and after several years they dealt with it and accepted it even if they unliked him.

I shivered, feeling cool air from behind me. "Don't you think it would be better to cut the string already and let go darling?" A familiar voice whispered. I looked down, feeling intimate wave of sadness come across me. She came even closer with her fingertips caressing the side of my arm. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy.. I'm sorry." She apologized "Are you alright." She quietly asked.

I closed my eyes, responding to her. "I'm alright.. Everything's okay now." I said with a droopy smile.

Now, there was this silence that filled the house. The silence felt so strange to me.. Every morning I would hear the laughter of Jodie echoing throughout  and the panicked voice of Leon going to work, desperately trying to not be late. And in the afternoons, it would be the same. Jodie's yells and laughter filled our home. However, now.. it's so silent. There's not even a whisper from her nor him..

"It's okay to not be okay." She told me ad I turned to look at her. I observed her features for a moment, noticing the small moles scattered across her face and neck. I whispered at her with annoyance in shown in my tone. "I'm alright, i've told you already."

Elina looked at me with an unsure expression. She slowly grabbed my hands, intertwining our fingers together. Her face was only a few inches away from mine and it was to the point her I could feel her cold breath on my face. Her emerald eues stared deeply into my brown ones.

She repeated herself. "It's okay to not be okay." shs took in a deep breath. "You can't let this wall build up all around you. You'll eventually end up breaking it down.. it'll go down on you and choke you. You'll feel as if.. you can't breathe anymore." She whispered. I laughed a bit at that since her last sentences.. sounded a bit wrong.

She furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Doll, i'm serious about this." She said, looking at me. "Yeah well those last sentences didn't sound serious.. Were you trying to make a dirty joke or something?" I laughed my head off, thinking about what she said. I just couldn't take that serious! She rolled her eyes at me, "You've just got a naughty mind.. don't you darling." She mumbled, smirking a bit. "What's wrong with that?" I said, pushing her back a bit. "Nothing" She smiled. However she dropped her smile and became serious again.

She sighed. "Look, I want you to understand that it's okay to feel things.. You don't have to hold back." Elina stated, leaning against the wall.

I mumbled "Well.. I won't explode or break down. I'm okay and there's.. nothing wrong." I firmly told her. I refused to break down especially in front of anyone.

I shook my head again, feeling my eyes start ti water a bit. "Look, i'm okay! Everything's great and.. I'm finally free. This house belongs to my daughter and I now.." I mumbled, glancing around before looking back into her green eyes. "I'm free." I whispered, feeling this pit grow in my chest. She tilted her head, her lips slightly parted. "You don't feel free don't you.. You're stil trapped." She said, looking at the floor.

I stood there in complete silence, feeling my tears begin to descend.  "You're only trying to convince yourself that everythings okay even if it's not." She sighed, "Look around at everything around Scarlet. Your husband cheated about a thousand times with that same woman.. and you must feel stabbed in the back."

I felt more tears fall down my cheeks. "I did something horrible too.. it wasn't only him. And we both weren't right at all.. we were both wrong." I spoke, feeling like I was out of breath already.

Elina looked away from me, not saying a word. She backed a way a bit. Tears began to fall down onto the ground, "I regret it so much.. you can't even imagen." I whispered, staring at her as she kept her eyes on the floor. She hesitated before speaking up again, "We all make mistakes.. some are just worse than others, but that's just what happens on this earth.. We're not perfect, and we always commit some sort of crime whether it's big or small."

Her eyes looked at me again, but this time with sadness. "I've done things in the past that I regret.." She whispered, "But I grew from them, and I try to not repeat them again."

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling this horrendous feeling begin to take over me. She began "You'll feel like that for a while but with time, everything will start to blossom."

After she said that, we both stayed silent only staring into each others eyes with such intensity. I slolwy made my way closer to her. I grabbed hee hands and interwinwe our fingers. There was nothing else to be said so we stood there, so close to eachother under the distance between us was non-existent.

I kept on staring into her, my eyes only fixated on her. However as more time passed, I ended up doing something unexpected..

I smashed my lips into her soft ones, my fingers slowly starting to wrap themselves behind her neck.