collateral damage 🔞 - COMPLETE

•fifty•

~~~~~Haerin

I can't stop my hands from shaking... I'm trying not to cut my own fingers off while chopping vegetables for the dinner I'm cooking. I have spent very little time with the members of BTS, except Jimin and Jeongguk. Jin comes often, but he and Naeun do their own thing. He's a nice man, and I am so happy for Unnie. As soon as I think of her, she appears next to me, checking on my progress.

"It's smelling tasty Haerin-ah... How can I help?"

"I don't know... I want it to be perfect, but my skills are not good."

"You're doing great! Don't say negative things."

I smile lightly, and ask her to cut the vegetables for the japchae. We work side by side in a companionable silence, until I ask her what's been on my mind.

"Unnie? Are you nervous for them to leave? Do you worry that Jin will find someone else?"

"Hmmm... I don't... I feel secure in what we've been building... I only worry about their health and safety being so far from home... Are you worrying about something specific Hae?"

"I guess... Jeongguk and I... We have been alright... There are some arguments though, and I think he'll get tired of me soon."

"Oh Haerin... That boy is so in love with you... You're worrying about things that won't happen."

I take what she says, and think about our last few days. He was angry at my need to keep our relationship a secret for now, and I walked away. I want so badly to make him understand my fears, but I can't. He won't want to hear about it, and I know it will hurt him. I'm mad at myself for not fighting harder 6 years ago... It's one of the many, many reasons I don't deserve to have him now.

"Haerin... Whatever you're thinking... Stop it..."

"I don't deserve him Unnie... I've ruined my own life at this point... How can I ruin his now?"

"He won't think you're ruining anything if you just talk with him. He knows you've struggled Haerin... He wants to move forward, so why are you looking back?"

"I don't know... I am scared Unnie..."

"I know Haerin... But don't let it rule you. Let your fear motivate you instead. I will be here with you while they're on tour, and we'll be alright... I promise."

Falling into silence, we continue cooking the meal. I try to figure out how to talk with Jeongguk. I don't want to fight with him, and it seems like I should at least try. I'm deep in my thoughts, when the arms wrapping around my waist startle me. His lips graze the side of my neck, and all I feel is heat consuming my face.

"Hey baby... This looks delicious..."

The way his chest is flush against my back brings a warmth that I adore. The vibration of his satoori when he speaks, affects me as I take in how good he is at distracting me. I nod shyly, and peak at his profile. How is he so perfect?

"thanks... unnie did alot of it though."

My voice is a whisper, and he just hums knowing that I'm not feeling confident.

"Don't let her lie to you Jeongguk-ah... She had most of it done, I'm just the assistant here."

Naeun Unnie praises me, and I feel my blush deepen. Jeongguk giggles a little and reaches around to steal a bite of the pork galbi. While he chews it I watch his jaw, and find a heat building in my belly... Damn it... I need to focus on the meal of food, not the man...

"That's incredible Haerin-ah... I can't wait for dinner now."

"Then you should leave the poor woman alone, Maknae."