collateral damage 🔞 - COMPLETE

•seventy•

One month

~~~~~Jeongguk

Crumpling yet another notebook page, I groan in frustration. I'm trying to write a song for the next album, but I keep coming up empty. It's been 4 weeks, as of today, that Haerin has been at the clinic... 28 days... 40,320 minutes... 2,419,200 seconds... I miss her so much that my whole body aches. I feel like a complete failure as a father also, because our children always ask when she's coming back, and I can't answer them.

Hobi Hyung has taken the role of babysitter, helping Noona to keep them busy, and make sure they're fed. I have actually gone days without seeing them because I don't want to scare them with my crying. I'm broken, and I don't know how to fix it... I don't know how to fix myself, without her. Noona yelled at me the other day, but I couldn't make myself care. I know that my kids miss me, and I love them more than anything, but I failed them... I'm not good enough, and without her here to guide me, I am too scared.

The phone calls I was promised, have never come. I hope she's doing fine, and that the goal of integrating Raven is working.

"Jungkook-ah? Can I come in?"

I hear Namjoon Hyung's voice call out, and my instinct is to deny, but I can't. I stand from my chair and go to unlock the door. When he enters, I watch him take in the mess that is my room, and then the mess that is myself.

"Kookie... You have to stop this... She wouldn't want you to be like this."

"How do you know? Maybe she thinks I'm getting exactly what I deserve Hyung..."

"That's bullshit and you know it! She loves you, and would want you to be happy! She told you herself before she left... She told you to be happy..."

"I wish I never told you that Hyung..."

"Well you did, so it's too late. Now, let's get you out of the room. You need to be with your friends! We're all worrying so much for you."

"Not today Hyung..."

"Jungkook! Stop this! I'm not leaving without you. If you won't come, I'm going to call the guys here to see your pathetic mess..."

I look around, realizing for the first time just how disgusting my room is right now. Sighing in frustration, I follow Hyung out, and we walk to the member's dorm. As we walk in, everyone becomes quiet seeing me. Had it really been that long?

"Yah! Jungkook-ah!! Where have you been, huh? Making me worry so much is not respectful!!"

"Sorry Jin Hyung..."

Yoongi walks to me, and before I can stop him, he pulls me into a hug. Someone must be dying... He never shows physical affection...

"Jungkook-ah... You are scaring me... Please don't shut yourself away from us..."

Tears prick at my eyes, and I pat his back, but look to the side to hide my face. I can see Taehyung Hyung wants to run and hug me like he normally would, but Jimin is holding him back. Jimin might be the only one I've allowed to really see me this past month. He understands my heartbreak like none of the others can, and he is also dealing with his own guilt.

Last week he came to my room, and I told him my fear is that Haerin will not want me once she's back. The fact that she hasn't called, makes me think she doesn't want to speak to me. He didn't try to tell me I was wrong... he just listened. He and I both feel responsible for the broken girl we left behind. If we had not waited so long, she would never have to deal with all the things that she is now... It's our fault...

When Yoongi Hyung finally let's me go, I force a smile, and make my way to an almost bursting Taehyung Hyung. When I'm in front of him he launches himself at me, knocking me back a few steps. A new guilt spreads through me when it's clear my absence has caused my Hyungs to be worried. I never want to be the cause of more work, or more worry for them, and I'm failing at that too.