collateral damage 🔞 - COMPLETE

•seventy-five•

"Jeongguk-ah... Can I ask you something?"

"Mmhmm..."

"What do you think of BDSM?"

~~~~~Jeongguk

She's cuddling into my chest so I can't see her face, and I'm afraid to give the wrong answer. My heartbeats are increasing, and I try to regulate my breathing while finding the right thing to say.

"I'm sorry... Nevermind... Forget I asked."

There's a disappointment in her tone, and I pull her chin up so I can look in her eyes. I see that her cheeks are pink, and she looks shy.

"You have nothing to apologize for... I was thinking, and if I'm being honest... I couldn't decide how to answer."

"Oh... Do you not like it?"

"Hmmm... I guess there are parts of it that I find intriguing... But I could never degrade anyone during sex... Are you asking me... What are you asking me for?"

"i want to submit to you... i want you to dominate me."

She whispers it, but is looking directly into my eyes with confidence. I feel myself get hard, and I continue to stare at her. Is this what she was thinking about when we were in the hotel?

"Why?"

I caress her reddened cheeks, while she chews her bottom lip. I hold a serious face, although I feel a grin dying to burst out at her adorableness.

"i... do you not want to?"

"I want to know why you want me to."

"i don't know... i like to not have to make decisions sometimes... i think it is nice to surrender to someone..."

"Do I not satisfy you?"

My insecurity rears up, and I wonder if I'm even able to be dominant. I've always tried to make sure not to hurt her, and let her be in charge more... especially after all she's been through... Now I'm doubting that she even enjoys sex with me.

"of course you do... i just thought maybe sometimes we could try it... i love you, and feel so special when you make love to me... i'm sorry... you must think i'm strange... let's forget it."

She turns her face away and begins to move to lay with her back to me. My heart aches, and I want to give her the answer she wants... But I'm afraid... What if I screw up and hurt her? What if she flashes back to the abuses she's suffered, and it's because of me? I don't realize the heavy sigh that leaves my mouth until I hear Haerin's words.

"Don't stress about it... I just wanted to know your thoughts. Now I do, and it's fine Jeongguk... I love you."

She's turned back to me, and snuggles into my side. The trouble is, I haven't told her my thoughts... She's assumed what I feel, and now I don't know if I should drop it. Pulling her closer to me, I lay with her against me, but can't find my calm. She's laying there, breathing easy, while my heart is pounding and my thoughts are rushing in all directions.

"i'm afraid baby..."

I whisper it, thinking she's sleeping, but wanting to say something...

"why?"

Her tiny voice startles me, and I look down to see her big eyes looking at me.

"why are you afraid? please tell me."