•sixty-two•

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~~~~~Jeongguk

3 days have gone by... 3 days where Haerin is crying almost non-stop and seems more confused then ever. I don't know what to say most of the time, which makes her think I'm upset with her. When Jimin came to visit, she began sobbing because his hair is blonde, and he didn't tell her he was going to color it. He left feeling so bad, he dyed it brown again so she won't freak out. Naeun Noona is the only respite I have at this point. When she comes to visit, I escape for some fresh air, and peace of mind.

I'm watching her sleep, and wishing, in vain, that I could reverse time... Even if it was only as far back as the day of the concert... I would have brought them with me early. When the door opens, I look up, from my depressed hunch, to see both my parents walking into the room. Standing immediately, I block their progression into the room. Glaring at my mother, I point at the door behind her.

"Leave! You don't belong here."

"Jeongguk... Son... I know that you're upset with your mother, but we're here to support you."

"Dad... You can stay... But I'm sorry, she can't!"

"Jeongguk-ah... I'm sorry."

"It's too late Mom... Take a good look... See her? She could have died!"

I turn away from my mother's teary face because it is just making me angry. She has the nerve to cry about this situation, when she could have stopped it...

"Jeongguk. Listen to me. You're Mom is sorry... She thought she was making a good decision back then, because you were chasing your dream. She understands now that she shouldn't have turned her away... Or at least she should have told you... Can't you try to understand?"

"Like she tried?"

My father's shoulders fall, and I see the understanding in his eyes. He gets me, and he turns to my mother, and kissing her on the cheek, tells her to wait for him in the lobby. I hear my own mother talk about the news stories in a hushed tone, and the word "whore" leaves her mouth. Turning quickly, I grab her arm in a tight, painful hold, and bring her to the door. Shoving her into the hall, my father following right behind, I glare at the woman that gave birth to me.

"I don't want you to show your face here again... You know NOTHING, because you were too busy looking down your nose. Go away! Leave us alone!"

"Jeongguk... She killed someone!!! She's a murderer!!"

It's like my own mother stabbed me. I stumble back from her, trying to see the woman who raised me... My father puts a hand on my shoulder, and I shrink away.

"Fuck you!"

It's all I can say after what she just said to me... Her shocked expression, has no affect, and I turn away. I hear my father's quiet, but angry voice telling my mother to leave. I just stand, watching Haerin through the small window in the door.

"Son... I'm sorry... I thought she was ready to accept her responsibility."

"I know what the news is telling the world... And I'm in no position to say what actually happened... But Dad... If that tiny, fragile girl, actually killed someone... He deserved it..."

"Jeongguk? Is there something you need to tell me?"

"I love you Dad... I even love Mom... But I don't for a second think you'll be able to understand."

"You're right Jeongguk... I won't understand if you don't tell me. I will keep your mother away, but please... Don't shut us out. I love you son."

"I love you too Dad."

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