collateral damage 🔞 - COMPLETE

•fifty-four• (M)

~~~~~Jeongguk

"No... Please... I'm sorry..."

The bed is shaking, and I hear her quiet pleas. Opening my eyes slowly, I take in the scene in front of me, and sit up quickly. Haerin is thrashing back and forth in the bed... She's crying and begging for mercy from whatever is in her nightmare.

"I didn't mean it... I'm sorry... Oppa please don't.... Aaaaaahhhhh!"

When she lets out a blood curdling scream, I reach for her shaking figure. My hands take ahold of her arms, and she panics, completely losing it. She's yelling apologies, and begging not to be hurt anymore. My heart feels like it will beat out of my chest, but I pull her into my arms, and hold on tight. Her little fists keep striking my chest and arms, but I just continue, and speak quietly to her. Calling her name and telling her to wake up, she starts to settle. Dissolving into quiet sobs, I feel her tense in my arms.

"It's ok baby... I'm here... You don't need to be afraid anymore Haerin..."

"what if he finds me? he'll kill me... i'm so scared... please don't leave me again... i'm so sorry i met him... i'm so sorry jeongguk..."

I pull her to straddle my lap, and bury my face in her neck. I just whisper that he won't find her, and I'll never leave again. Guilt at knowing I'm actually going to have to leave in a few weeks, eats at my gut. A piece of me knows that if she needs me to stay, I will, with no hesitation. The tour is important, but she is more so. Her quiet cries become whimpers, and she is clenching her fists on the pillow behind me.

A light knock is heard, and then footsteps on the stairs. I look to see Naeun Noona carrying a tray with some food, and Ye-Jun following behind. Our son climbs into the bed, and I hear Haerin whimper again.

"Mama? What's wrong?"

Ye-Jun reaches and touches his mother's hand, making her flinch. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, and she's still lost in a place of misery. I smile to Ye-Jun, and put my arm around him, pulling him into a side hug.

"Don't worry Ye-Jun-ah... Your Mama isn't feeling well, and had a nightmare."

"Another one? I'm sorry Mama... I should have protected you... Please don't be sad anymore..."

I grind my teeth to not let the heart wrenching sob escape after hearing his words. Naeun is now on the other side of the bed, climbing in to check Haerin. I watch her while she takes her temperature with a touchless thermometer, and frowns. She stands and goes to the bathroom, bringing out a bottle of fever reducers.

"Is the fever high Noona?"

"Mhmm... I'll make some soup. Give her the tablets with some water."

I nod, and she calls to Ye-Jun to come help her. He kisses the shoulder of his mother, then clambers off the bed to follow his Aunty. Haerin begins shivering, so I pull the duvet tight around her body. I realize how high her fever must be, when I feel myself begin to sweat being against her. I kiss her forehead, and move her hair. The back of her hair is soaked from sweat, and my lips feel like they touched a hot iron. My poor baby...

"promise me..."

"What baby?"

"you won't leave me... promise me jeongguk..."

I continue to rub her back gently, and kiss her temple with a small smile on my face. I want to promise her... I would mean every word... But, what if my job makes me a liar?

"Haerin-ah... I love you so much... I won't ever leave you... But I might have to go away for work sometimes... You understand, right?"

She just whimpers and burrows into my chest. I feel the tears falling, and I can only hold her tighter. I don't know what to do, or say in this moment. She's not the only one who is scared right now, and I blame myself for all of it.