Sway Along The Waves (Bellariva Series #1)

Chapter 20

I thought that life is only cruel to those who have done many bad things in life. I was wrong. Life is also cruel to people who do good.

I don't know which one should I refer myself as. In my 18 years of existence, how many good and bad things have I ever done without me noticing it?

It's 8:52 in the evening and I want to forget about life. My unfair and cruel life. My heart is aching as my tears still keeps on falling. My eyes were in tears for more than an hour now. Hindi na ako napapagod sa pag-iyak kahit gusto ko nang tumigil. Mahapdi na ang mga mata ko, pero ayaw pa ring paawat sa pagluha. All I could think is my mother. I want her here. I want her beside me.

I miss her so much.

The word painful couldn't described how I feel right now. It's extreme that even me, myself, is unable to determine what kind of feeling is this. It just hurts, hurts like longing for something that is too impossible for me to have.

Si mama.

"Everything will be okay in time," Chiyo tries to console me with those words.

Hindi man lang iyon umabot sa puso ko. Hindi ganoong klaseng salita ang kailangan ko. I need words from my mama. I want her voice. I want her to soothes me.

"This is all my fault! Hindi na sana naging matigas ang ulo ko," panibagong buhos ng luha ang sumama sa paghagulgol ko.

Despite knowing that she's not breathing anymore, Kier still insists to take her to the hospital. It must be so hard for him as it is for me. They never even talk. For sure he still has a lot to say to her. Kasalanan ko. I want them to be mad at me at least, pero ni isang salita wala man lang akong narinig sa kanila. They're just watching me cry. It pains me more dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip nila sa akin.

"Stop touching my sister!" dumagundong ang galit na boses ni Kenjie sa hallway ng hospital.

Ang nurse na sanang dadaan ay biglang umatras. Humiwalay mula sa pagkakayakap sa akin si Chiyo. Ang kamay niyang tumatapik sa likod ko ay nanatili. Sumandal ako mula sa inuupuan para tignan ng masama si Kenjie. He's standing just right in front of us. Silang anim actually. Isa-isa silang umayos ng tayo dahil sa tingin ko. Nang saglit akong mahimasmasan ay muli akong nagpatuloy sa pag-iyak.

Chino beside me has the loudest cry. Kung malala na ang pag-iyak ko, mas malala ang sa kanya dahil may kasama pang pag-singhot at kung ano-ano. Nandito kami sa labas ng isang presidential room na kinuha ni Kier para sana kay mama. Hindi na umabot dahil dineklara siyang dead on arrival. Kanina pa nasa morge ng hospital si mama. Hindi lang ako makaalis dito sa sobrang panghihina. May mga bodyguard na nagbabantay sa kanya roon sabi ni Kenjie. Silang anim ay kanina pa nakabuntot sa akin, takot na mawala ako sa paningin nila kahit na sandamakmak na bodyguards na ang nakapalibot sa amin kahit saan ako tumingin.

"Namimiss ko na si tita, Vienna..."

Mapait akong ngumiti kay Chino. I leaned closer to hugged him tight. Umakma si Kenjie na magre-react na naman kung hindi lang pinigilan ni Devin.

"Namimiss ko rin siya, Chino," bulong ko sa kanya habang tinatapik ang balikat niya.

I know we're sharing the same pain. I've witnessed his closeness to mama. He'll surely miss the way she cooks food for him.

Nasa ganoon kaming posisyon nang ilang sandali. Hindi ko alam kung paano natatagalan ng mga tao sa paligid naming dalawa ang ingay ng pag-iyak namin. Nakakarindi iyon kung tutuusin.

Dumating ang pamilya ni Hailee pagkaraan nang ilan pang minuto. Hailee was also crying the same way Chino and I cried. She's saying things like blaming herself for something and saying apologies to my mother. Pinalaki siya ni mama kaya alam kong mahal niya rin ang mama ko. We may not be in good terms a lot of times, but I know, there's a room in her heart that warms her love for mama.