Sway Along The Waves (Bellariva Series #1)

Chapter 26

"Siguruhin mong makaka-uwi ka bago dumating si Kier, Senyorita."
 
I smiled at Nanay Isidora to reassure her. Halata ang kaba sa kanyang mukha, pero mas nangingibabaw pa rin ang tuwa. 
 
"Hindi po ako magtatagal. Makakauwi po ako agad," sabi ko.
 
Pinagbuksan ako ng pintuan ng sasakyan ng bodyguard kong sasama sa akin kina Chino. Dala ko ang paper bag na laman ang regalo ko sa kanya pagpasok ko. Two bodyguards were assigned to accompany me. Hindi pa pamilyar ang mga pangalan nila sa akin dahil bago pa lang ata sila rito.
 
Nag-text ako kay Chino na papunta na ako. Kanina pa siya nangungulit sa akin. Ako na lang daw ang kanina pa nila hinihintay doon. Dapat sana ay gabi pa gaganapin ang birthday niya. It was supposed to be a simple family dinner, to be exact, but since I'm not allowed to stay for that long, he decided to adjust it in the afternoon. Wala naman siyang ibang bisitang inimbitahan sa pagkakaalam ko bukod sa ilang kaklase at kaibigan niya. 
 
"Ang tagal mo. Kanina ka pa hinihintay ni mama sa loob." Sinalubong ako ni Chino sa labas ng gate nila. 
 
He has his arms in front of his chest. His brows are furrowed, giving me the idea that he's been waiting for me here since earlier. I made a quick scan of his entire view before I managed to walk closer towards him.
 
"Birthday mo. 'Wag kang mag-sungit. Happy birthday, men!" I greeted him with a hug.
 
Imbes na yakapin ako pabalik, mas inuna niya pang hablutin ang paper bag na hawak ko. He looks so excited to see what it is. Hinayaan ko lang siya sa ginagawa. 
 
"Wow! Ano kaya regalo mo sa'kin?" Ngumisi siya. 
 
Napatagal ang pagbubukas niya sa paper bag dahil sa dami ng stapler na nilagay ko roon. When he finally opened it and saw what it was, the wide smile on his face faded. Inilabas niya ang maliit na kahon ng panlalaking pabango mula sa bag. Mas lalong sumimangot ang mukha niya habang tinitignan 'yon.
 
"Ang yaman mo na, pero ang kuripot mo pa rin! Ang ine-expect ko, sapatos ang bibigay mo o kaya iyong latest model ng DSLR," nakangusong sabi niya.
 
"Aba! Maging grateful ka na lang. Last year nga wala kang regalo sakin. Atska, mahal 'yang pabangong 'yan," pampalubag loob ko sa kanya. "Ano bang handa mo? Nagugutom na ako. Na-miss ko luto ni tita Cheska."
 
Nilampasan ko siya para magtuloy na sa pagpasok sa loob. Chino followed me. He's still frowning. When I entered their living room, I saw her friends and some of our schoolmates there. Nakipagbatian ako sa ilang mga ka-close ko. It surprised me that everyone was trying to entertain me. Muntik pa akong hindi makaalis doon kung hindi lang ako tinawag ni Tita Cheska. She was so happy to see me. Mahigpit ang naging yakap niya sa akin, pa ulit-ulit akong kinukumusta.
 
Last kong kita sa kanya ay noon pang party sa mansion. Pinakilala niya ako sa mga amiga niyang naroon na para bang ako ang anak niya. Nakasunod lang sa akin si Chino. He keeps mumbling words and acting so jealous because Tita Cheska has already forgotten about his son. 
 
I felt glad to see her right now, smiling genuinely. Naaalala ko kung paano ang hinagpis niya noon nang umalis dito si tito Jericho. They seem to have been adjusted over time. I know that Tita Cheska deserves a man more than her husband. No woman deserves to be cheated on. Seeing that she had managed to continue living her life now with her sons made me feel proud because of how strong she is. 
 
"Ma, 'wag mong pakainin nang madami si Vienna. Pabango lang ang regalo niya sa akin," inis na sabi ni Chino. 
 
I was sitting on the high stool at their island counter. Katabi ko si Chino. I'm watching as Tita prepares another batch of food for me. May mga itinabi na siyang i-uuwi ko. Kanina pa siya binabawal ni Chino. Ako na lang kasi ang kanina niya pang inaasikaso. Chino's friends were in their living room. Ilang beses pa lang siyang pumunta roon para i-check sila.
 
"Ano ka ba, Chino. Ngayon na lang ulit nandito si Vienna," si tita. 
 
"Tita, lalo talagang gumo-glow ang skin niyo. Ano po bang skin care ang ginagamit niyo? Gusto ko pong i-try."
 
Tumigil si tita sa ginagawa. Kinuha niya ang babasaging platong puno ng pagkain bago ako nilapitan. She looked like a shy teenager when she giggled in front of me. Indeed, Tita Cheska is still looking so pretty and young, even at her age. She has that slim body like those from young models in magazines and a skin so clear and soft as if she's some sort of model for a beauty soap brand.
 
She somehow reminds me of my mother's lovely features.
 
"Talaga bang mas gumaganda pa ang balat ko? Wala na nga akong ginagamit na cream ngayon. Natural ko na ito," Tita Cheska made a quick trail of her finger on her cheeks.
 
I immediately nodded to agree with her. "Inuuto niyo ata ako, tita. Ayaw niyo atang i-share ang beauty secret niyo, " I didn't hide the amazement on my face when I said that. 
 
Tita's cheeks keep blushing. Napahawak pa siya roon na para bang kilig na kilig.
 
"Maganda ka na talaga, Mama. 'Wag ka nang magpa-bola pa rito kay Vienna," singit ni Chino.
 
Kung wala lang pumutol sa pag-uusap namin, baka nabatukan ko na siya sa harap ni Tita Cheska. Nalipat ang atensyon ko sa dalawang taong kapapasok lang sa kusina. Chiyo's dawn gray pair of soft almond eyes met halfway with mine. Halos isang segundo lang ang naging pagdapo ng tingin niya sa akin. Bumaling siya agad sa ina. I watched him kiss Tita Cheska's cheeks before he turned to the girl beside her.
 
Jhenia. He's with Jhenia.
 
As when he turned again to look at me, things started to recall inside my head.  I almost forgot that... it was his birthday too.
 
"Happy birthday," the first two words that came out of my mouth.
 
He nodded at me and mouthed, "Thank you," as if it were so hard for him to voice it out.
 
He still has time to visit me in the hospital like he did last time. Even though we didn't even talk, I knew he was concerned about me; that's why he was there. I just couldn't understand the need for us to act this way toward each other. I can't stand his coldness, but I knew I had to endure. This is the only way to fix things between us. 
 
"Ma, si Jhenia, girlfriend ko po," he introduced her.
 
Tita Cheska's sweet smile quickly changed into shock after hearing that. Namilog ang kanyang bibig. Pabalik-balik ang tingin niya kay Chiyo at Jhenia matapos ay sa akin. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I put my focus on the food in front of me. I still remained distracted, though. Sa gilid ng mata ko, nagmamasid ako sa kanila.
 
"Anong ginagawa niyan dito?" bulong-bulong ni Chino sa tabi ko.
 
"Hi, tita! Masaya po akong na-meet ko na kayo sa personal. May dala po ako para sa inyo."
 
Nakita kong may ini-abot na maliit na paper bag si Jhenia kay tita Cheska. Tipid ang naging ngiti sa kanya ni Tita. The shock is still written all over her face. Halatang 'di pa nakaka-recover sa gulat.
 
"'Di naman si Mama ang may birthday, a?" singit ni Chino, 'di na napigilan.
 
Sinaway siya agad ng ina. "Salamat dito, hija. Nag-abala ka pa. Kumain na ba kayo? Magp-prepare ako ng pagkain niyo sa living room."
 
"Dito na lang po, tita. Marami na pong tao ro'n, e," kontra ni Jhenia.
 
Nilingon niya ang gawi namin. Isang stool na lang ang bakante sa tabi ni Chino. Tumikhim ako. I no longer took my time to eat. Kahit hindi pa tapos, tumayo na ako. 
 
"Saan ka pupunta, men?" tanong ni Chino Sabay pa sila ni Tita.
 
"Tita, busog na po ako. Babalikan ko po itong pagkain ko mamaya. Maglalakad-lakad lang po ako sa labas," paalam ko.
 
Tita looks confused, but then eventually agreed when I mentioned that I want to visit our old house just in front of theirs. Tahimik akong lumabas ng kusina. I couldn't believe I still had the courage to say goodbye to Chiyo and Jhenia. Chiyo only gave me a short nod, while Jhenia has her sweet smile on. Sumunod sa akin si Chino palabas. I told him he should stay inside and entertain his visitors, but he doesn't want to listen. Mas gusto niya raw akong samahan.
 
I just let him follow me as I went inside our abandoned house. Wala nang nakatira ngayon dito, pero malinis pa rin. 
 
"May mga taong pumupunta rito tuwing weekends. Naglilinis ata," pagku-kwento ni Chino.
 
That explains why each and every corner of the house was clean like how it did before when I'm still living here with her.  Bawat sulok ng bahay, may memorya ako kay mama. It feels strange to be back here. Nananariwa sa isip ko ang lahat. Bumabalik sa akin ang mga ala-ala na parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat.
 
Ilang buwan na ba akong hindi nakababalik dito? Hindi ko na mabilang. Sobrang tagal na pala.
 
Binuksan ko ang mga ilaw para mas makita pa ang kabuuan ng bahay. I went to our kitchen. The image of my mother preparing my breakfast before I go to school came flashing in my mind. 
 
"Miss ka na rin niya. Mahal na mahal ka ng mama mo."
 
Tears have begun forming at the corners of my eyes. Hearing such comforting words from a friend made me so emotional real quick. Masarap sa tainga kung papakinggan ang bawat salita, pero grabe naman ang sakit no'n sa dibdib. 
 
Nag-umpisa akong libutin ang bawat sulok ng bahay. Mula sa kwarto ko at sa kwarto ni mama, kumpleto pa rin ang mga gamit. Walang naalis.  Malinis ang bawat parte ng bahay. I think Kier made sure that it will remain as it was before. 
 
Nang mapagod, nag-stay muna ako sa sala. Nagpaalam sa akin si Chino na babalikan lang saglit ang mga kaibigan sa bahay. Naiwan ako roong mag-isa. Natakot ako noong una dahil pakiramdam ko'y nasa paligid ko lang si mama. Kalauna'y nawala rin iyon. I keep swallowing just to stop myself from tearing up. Kailangan ko pang bumalik kila Chino. Kung iiyak ako, agad itong mahahalata sa mata ko lalo pa't mabilis itong mamula.
 
Nang bumukas ang pinto ng bahay, akala ko bumalik na si Chino. I stood up from where I was sitting just to unknowingly greet Chiyo. He doesn't look surprised to see me at all. As if he really meant to follow me here.
 
"What are you doing here?" I already have a hint as to what he's up to, but I still want to ask that. "Iniwan mo si Jhenia sa inyo?" dagdag ko pa.
 
Hindi niya pinansin ang tanong ko na iyon. "I wanted to talk to you," he says in a tone so low it almost failed to reach my ears.
 
He looked down at our feet. Dalawang hakbang palapit sa akin ang ginawa niya. Huminto siya nang tingin ko'y maisip na sapat na ang distansya sa pagitan namin.
 
"Akala ko binibiro ako ni Jhenia noong sabihin niya sa aking bumalik ka na sa kanya. It turns out to be true," I remarked. "I have no hard feelings. Kaibigan ko kayong pareho. It was good to know that things are going better between the two of you. I just couldn't help but feel amused by how you ate those words you said to me back then."
 
A peculiar feeling of pain twisted through my chest. Hindi natinag ang titig niya sa akin. Pinanghihina ako no'n. I made a firm hold on the strap of my sling bag. Doon ako humuhugot ng lakas ng loob para maharap ko pa siya nang diretso ngayon.
 
"I wish you a healthy relationship with her. I will be happy for you," I said. "Tell me what you needed to say. Makikinig ako."
 
He took a deep breath and then took another one after a minute. I saw how fast his chest rose and fell at each moment. He may look calm on the outside, yet I know deep down that he's just controlling himself not to panic.
 
"I have thought about it carefully. And I think this needs to be said. I'm sorry, Vienna. Nagkamali ako. I thought my feelings for you before were love, but..." Umiling siya.  Isang lunok ang ginawa bago muling nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "It's just lust disguised as love. Si Jhenia, puro ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya."
 
Sunod-sunod akong napakurap; pinipigil ang mga nagbabadya ko na namang luha. Nakakatuwang hirap pa akong pigilin 'to kanina. Now that Chiyo's in front of me, everything just makes no sense.
 
"I guess we have completely finished our part. You were a good friend to me. I was otherwise to you. Just like what you said, I'm eating all my words. Sorry."
 
"Kailangan ko ba talagang marinig 'yan?" Kunot-noong tanong ko. A tear fell from my cheeks. It went down smoothly to my chin. Nasundan iyon ng ilan pa. "Hindi ka satisfied sa huli nating usap? Maayos naman 'yon. We were good when we made our decision. Bakit kailangan mo pang dagdagan?"
 
"Are you hurt? Do you ever feel like wanting me back?" he asked instead, ignoring all my questions.
 
The pain in my chest spread all over my body, dominating my entire system. It stops me from functioning. 
 
I released a disbelieving sigh. "Is that what you want me to feel? Is that what you're trying to make me feel?" 
 
"No," paos na ang boses ni Chiyo sa pagsagot. "Gusto ko lang malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman mo."
 
"Ano bang sagot ang gusto mong marinig?"
 
"If you'll answer no, I won't feel guilty for everything I've said. If it's a yes—"
 
"It's a no," pinutol ko ang sasabihin niya.
 
Natigilan siya ng ilang saglit; pino-proseso pa ang agaran kong sagot. Gusto kong magalit sa kanya. He's lying. I'm sure he's lying because he never made me feel that it was lust. 
 
"Is this your revenge? Chiyo?" My follow-up questions didn't stop there. "Because if you're trying to inflict pain on me, you're doing good. It works. It's... Painful."
 
"Vienna..." he called.
 
Kitang-kita ko ang kagustuhan niyang lapitan ako. 'Di ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi niya magawang ituloy. Something was stopping him. I couldn't understand. Umangat ang isang kamay niya para sana hawakan ako, pero huminto lang iyon sa ere. 
 
"I wish there was a better way to do this. I'm sorry. This is... the end of it."
 
Pagak akong natawa. Ilang pagtatapos pa ba ang kailangan naming dalawa?Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang hindi ko na makayanan pang labanan ang titig niya. "There are a lot of ways to do anything. You just need to be careful what road you decide to follow." 
 
"I'm aware; I'm going the wrong way," he said.
 
I can't count how many minutes he spent just staring at me. He watched me cry, and that made me feel worse. Nang magsawa sa paninitig sa akin, iniwan niya ako roong mag-isa nang wala ng sinabing kahit ano pa man. Bumagsak ako sa upuan naming kahoy sa sobrang panghihina. My legs are shaking. It's still absorbing all my weaknesses, which fell all at once.
 
Sinundan ko ng tingin ang daang tinahak ni Chiyo palabas. His words registered again and again in my head.
 
That's it. That was his way of setting me free. Hurting me was what we needed to fully move on from each other.