A short, bittersweet story of friends turned lovers, turned strangers who find their way back together and attempt to get it right. AU: Jax, Tig, Juice, Kozik and Kip are still alive, otherwise basically follows the rest of the show.
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Twenty-Six:
"I hear congratulations is in order."
I squealed when I threw myself into Jax's arms, still giddy over Happy's shitty proposal and smiling that the man who'd become my best friend had come to visit me even though it was my day off and I looked like a mess.
Jax laughed when he hugged me back awkwardly, a six pack and a box of cigarettes in his hand. "Happy said he was taking Harry to the shop today, thought you'd like some adult time."
"You've got no idea how good that sounds." I grabbed the beer from his hands and set the alarm after he'd walked inside.
He'd already walked out onto the back deck by the time that I'd set the deadbolts in place and had two cigarettes lit, offering me one when I dropped into the chair across from him. "I can't believe you got the Killa to ask you to marry him."
"He didn't ask." I snorted after I'd popped the cap off two beers. "He practically threw the box at me and told me to put it on. He said that he wasn't asking because he wasn't taking no for an answer."
Jax laughed around the rim. "Yeah, that sounds more like it."
Even though he had a smile on his face, the pain and sadness that always seemed to swim in his eyes had become more prominent, and I felt my stomach sink.
I hated that he was always sad and always grieving the loss of basically everybody he'd ever cared about in the world. After a few drunken nights, he'd told me the story of Tara. Of how they'd fallen in love when they were kids and she'd left to go and follow her dreams, but she'd come back to him. The story of her death by the hands of his own mother, which ultimately head to her untimely passing.
Jax had suffered too much for someone his age, and he'd struggled to get the club back to what it had supposed to be when it had been started. He had too much weight on his shoulders.
We'd settled into a silence as we finished the beers, happy to just enjoy each other's company. That was what I appreciated about Jax - he could have a conversation under water, but he could also sit in silence for almost an hour and just watch the scenery.
I didn't know how to start the conversation or how to have it, but I knew that he needed to hear it. I knew that nobody was game to bring up what I wanted to talk about because nobody wanted to poke a tender wound that had never properly healed. "Jax."
He looked away from the flowers that I'd planted and were finally starting to bloom, jumping at my voice when I waved the bottle of whiskey I'd retrieved from inside in his face. "You feel like something harder?"
"Always, darlin'." He took the bottle from me and chugged it before he slid it across the table and I did the same.
"You're allowed to be happy, you know?" I asked quietly, lighting up two cigarettes and passing him one. "You're allowed to love Tara and still move on from her."
His jaw clenched and he avoided my eyes. "I feel like I'd be betraying her."
"That's normal." I stretched so that I could grab his hand. "It's normal to feel like that, but you're not. If she loved you half as much as you love her, she would want you to be happy. She wouldn't want you to be miserable and alone for the rest of your life just because you feel guilty that you want someone to share it with."
Jax still hadn't looked back at me and his tone was harsh at being told the things that he didn't want to hear, but the things he needed to. "You didn't know her."
"No, I didn't." I confirmed, keeping my voice soft. "But I know that you love her so much that it's insane and that means that she was a wonderful woman. I also know that sometimes you've got to leave the past behind you, and that my best friend deserves some happiness in his life."
A single tear slid from his eye as his shoulders hunched in on himself to make him look so small compared to the strong President I'd grown to know and love. He chugged a generous amount of the golden liquid. "I still love her."
I got up from my seat and crouched down next to him so I could turn his face towards me. I stroked his hair like I would do for Harry when he had a nightmare. "It's natural to still love her and you always will, baby. But just because you still love her it doesn't mean that you can't fall in love again."
When his tears started falling freely I stood awkwardly so I could pull his face into my neck and ran my hands up and down his back soothingly. "When you're ready for it, you're going to meet someone who will make you feel better and mend all that broken back together. The clubs gone legit now, you don't have to worry about the past repeating itself, you can keep them safe when it happens."
Jax clenched me tightly for comfort for minutes before he pulled himself together enough to look away from me, eyes rimmed red and nose trickling. "You fit into this family, Jas. You were always meant to be here, always meant to be an Old lady."
"I know." I squeezed his hand. "And I know that you're going to be fine."
