Broken, a Destiel Story

Part 1

"Cas? Cas?" Dean waved his hand in front of the angels face, trying to get his attention.  It had been almost  a month now since his friend had returned from the Empty, and although he was physically there, he had been doing a lot of spacing out lately, and it was starting to worry Dean.  What had happened to him during the time he'd been gone . . . dead? 

I know what you hate

I know who you love . . . what you fear

There is nothing for you back there.

"Cas!"

Cas jerked at the sound of Dean's voice and looked up to meet his friend's eyes, but quickly looked away again. 

"Hey, man, you okay?" Dean asked, concern in his deep voice.  "Look, I know angels don't sleep but if I didn't know better I'd say you were exhausted.  Maybe that stint you did in the Empty affected you more than you thought."

"I'm fine, Dean," Cas spoke, looking down, rubbing his hand across his forehead. Ever since he'd returned from the Empty he hadn't been able to get that voice, those words out of his head.  They scared him, worried him. And yes, Dean was right, they did exhaust him.  But he couldn't tell his friend that.  He couldn't tell Dean what the Empty had said to him, so he did what the humans do when they are scared.  He lied. 

"Whatever you say," Dean said gruffly, closing the book he'd been leafing through and leaning back in his chair, sighing, frustrated. "You got anything?" he turned to Sam who was sitting with them at the table in their Men of Letters bunker.  They'd been trying for what seemed like weeks now to find a way to get Jack and Mary out of Apocalypse World with no luck and Dean was pissed and restless.  At this point he didn't even know if they were still alive.  

"Nothing that will help us find Mom and Jack," Sam stated, sighing.  "But," he turned his laptop around to show Dean, "I think I did find us a case."  

Dean glanced over the news article as Sam started to talk.  "Five kids have gone missing in the last two weeks from the same town.  Police have no leads.  There have been no bodies.  Whoever is doing this is stashing these kids somewhere for God knows what reason."

"Sam, these could just be some normal, average Joe kidnappings.  What makes you think this is in our wheel house?" Dean said skeptically. 

"It might not be anything but it doesn't hurt to check it out," Sam stated.  It's only a two hour drive, Dean, and we could use something to do right now.  We're nowhere closer to getting Mom and Jack and we're all going to go crazy just sitting here." He gave his brother the you know I'm right look. 

"All right, we get some shut eye and head over first thing in the morning," Dean said, standing up and scooting his chair in.  "Cas, that means you too," he pointed a finger at the angel and then walked away leaving Sam and Cas at the table.

**********

Castiel lay in bed in one of the spare rooms of the bunker, glancing at the alarm clock.  3:45am.  He sighed and rolled over.  He tried to rest but the words from the Empty were haunting him again.  As an angel of the Lord he'd never expected to "hate" or "fear" or "love" anything because those were all human emotions.  That had changed once he'd met Sam and Dean.  Two brothers who showed him what it meant to love, live, fight, feel, care, for each other, and for the world, and even for him.  

He'd spent time as a human a few years back, which had opened his eyes and heart even more to the struggles and hardships of humanity.  From the mundane irritations like going to the bathroom, passing gas, washing clothes or brushing your teeth, to the larger, more complicated aspects like love, hate, fear, hope, joy, sorrow, perseverance, and courage.  There was nothing so complicated as humanity, nor anything quite as beautiful.  And he was honored to be among them.  To share their world.  To have Sam and Dean for his friends.