Broken, a Destiel Story

Part 11

"Cas is awake?!" Sam exclaimed.  "That's great!"  He gave his brother a hug but noticed that Dean was not hugging him back, so he pulled away, worried.

"Dean?" he said "What's wrong?"

"I . . . uh," Dean said slowly, looking down, trying to collect his thoughts.  He met Sam's gaze.  "I think something's wrong with him, Sammy," he said, tears filling his eyes.  "Whatever they did to him . . . he's not . . " Dean trailed off as more tears fell and he wiped them away.  

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.  

"The way he looked at me, Sam. He wouldn't let me touch him. I mean, it wasn't like I was trying to make out with the guy or something. I just wanted to help him sit up. But he would rather cause himself pain than let me help him. He . . . he was afraid of me."

Sam's eyes filled with compassion.  "Dean, look," he said, hands on his brother's shoulders, "Cas has been through a lot.  I mean, what he went through, most people, most angels wouldn't have survived that.  And he's still dealing with the aftermath of that experience.  He's trying to cope.  His body and mind are protecting themselves the only way he knows how.  Now, you are not a threat.  But with the beating he took from Uriah, Cas can't tell that right now.  The last time he was touched it caused him indescribable pain, remember?  And I'm guessing it's not just you.  He's probably not going to want anyone to touch him right now.  He needs time, Okay?  Just be patient with him.  And find ways to love him that don't require touch.  Find out what he needs, and be there for him in that way.  That will show him that you care for him, and that he can trust you.  I know this isn't what you expected, and I know it hurts.  But you and Cas, you are stronger than this struggle, okay?  You can beat this, together."  

"Yeah," Dean said, looking down and wiping his tears away. He patted his brother's shoulder gently.  "Better go in and say hi to him.  I told him I was coming to get you."

*********

"Hey, Cas," Sam said with a small smile, knocking on the open door to Cas's room.  "How are you?"  He walked a little closer but was careful not to get close enough to trigger any anxiety in the angel after what Dean had said. 

"I've been better," Castiel said, trying to manage a smile.  "But it's good to see you, Sam."

"It's good to see you, too, Cas," Sam smiled again.  "We were worried about you."

Castiel glanced down.  "Yes, that's what Dean said."  He felt nervous even mentioning the hunter's name.  Not out of fear, but out of guilt.  

"Cas, listen," Sam said, moving a little bit closer.  He gestured to the chair.  "May I?" he asked.  He pulled it a little farther away on purpose just to make Cas more comfortable.  The angel looked at him and nodded and Sam sat.  "Dean kind of shared with me about what happened just now." He looked into Castiel's blue eyes.  They looked sorrowful.

Cas looked down again, wringing his hands together.  He felt himself starting to tremble again and his breathing became more shallow.  He wanted to run, to hide.  He was so embarrassed, so ashamed.  And the fact that his wings were exposed just made him feel even more nervous and vulnerable.  Especially in their broken state.  No human had seen them until Dean, and now Sam.  Not in their true form anyway.  His anxiety was causing his wings to flutter slightly which only caused more pain and he winced and started to recoil again.

"Cas," Sam said gently, putting his hand up, but not bringing it near the angel. "It's okay.  I want you to know that it's okay."

Cas relaxed a little, bringing his knees back down, his wings stopped fluttering.  He sat up a little straighter.  "Sam, your brother . . ." Cas said.  "I hurt him."  His voice was full of empathy and sorrow, and Sam couldn't believe how much Cas was thinking about Dean. Worrying about him, with everything he'd just been through and was still going through himself.