Broken, a Destiel Story

Part 6

"Wooh!" Dean shouted as they drove back to the hotel. "I would definitely put this case in the win category, Sammy." He tapped his hand on the steering wheel to the music as he drove. "Ganked a goddess, got those kids back to their families. Got Mr. Richards safely back to his family. It feels good. I gotta tell ya, with everything going on, I needed a win like this, man. Now we get Cas, head back to the bunker, and find a way to get Mom and Jack out of the Apocalypse World."

"Yeah, we did good," Sam replied, solemnly.

"What's up with you, man?" Dean asked, looking over at his brother. "This case couldn't have gone better and you can't even crack a smile?"

"Dean," Sam started, concern in his voice. "Are we gonna talk about what happened back there?"

"What?" Dean asked. "What happened back where?"

"Dean," Sam sighed, looking at his brother, "you know what I mean."

"No, I don't," Dean said tersely. He reached over to turn the music up. He was hoping it would be enough to make Sam shut up. But Sam just reached over and turned the music off instead, and Dean glared at him.

"Dean, I saw what happened with you and Cas," Sam said gently. "I saw everything going on in that Ball room, remember?"

"So?" Dean said, but his heart was pounding and his palms were starting to sweat. He didn't even look at Sam. He tapped the steering wheel nervously.

"So?" Sam repeated, getting irritated. "Dean, you almost kissed him. Like, really, almost."

Dean laughed. "Sammy, we were just playing our parts like you told us to, okay? That's it."

"That's it?" Sam said, skeptically. "Really? Cuz I saw the way you were holding him, too, Dean, and the way you were looking at him. That wasn't fake. I know he was a girl, and a beautiful one at that, but Dean, I got the impression that none of that mattered."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean growled.

There was a slight pause on Sam's part and then he spoke slowly and carefully. "It means, that I think you might have feelings for Cas." He looked at his brother, waiting for a response. Or maybe a punch in the face.

Dean just stared ahead at the road, hands on the steering wheel. A minute later he bit his lip as a single tear fell down his cheek.

"Dean," Sam said, noticing the tear, "you know it's okay, right? If you do?"

"No, it's not Sam," Dean said, a few more tears falling now. He knew he wasn't safe to drive, so he pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned it off. He wiped his tears away, still avoiding Sam's gaze. He felt so embarrassed, so ashamed.

"Why?" Sam asked.

Dean finally turned to look at Sam, but there was more anger in his voice than Sam expected. "Because he's a dude, Sam! I don't do dudes!"

"Okay, but he's also an angel," Sam pointed out, "so he's technically gender-less, right? I mean the only thing that makes him a "dude" is his vessel."

"Yeah, but I mean, that's Cas," Dean said. "I wouldn't want him any other way." Dean seemed kind of taken aback by his own words. Did I just say that out loud?  he thought.

Sam gave his brother a small smile. "Exactly," he said. "Look, Dean, maybe you should . . . talk with Cas?" he suggested, hesitantly.

Dean's eyes grew wide. "No way," he said, pointing a finger at Sam.

"But, Dean . . ." Sam started.

"No," Dean said more sternly. "Look, these feelings, or whatever they are, I'll deal with them, okay? But I am not saying anything to Cas, and neither are you. Got it?"

"Dean, if you don't say anything how will you ever know if he feels the same way?"

"I can't, Sam, okay? If I say something to him, and he doesn't feel the same way, I could freak him out, and he could disappear to God knows where, and I'd never see him again. He's my best friend, and I can't lose him. Not again. I'm not going to risk our friendship on a maybe. I have no idea what could happen if I say something to him."

Sam sighed. "And you have no idea what could happen if you do," he said.

**********

A few minutes later they reached their hotel.  But when they pulled into the parking lot they exchanged concerned glances. The door to their room had been broken down, and there was no sign of Cas.

Dean parked the car quickly and they both jumped out, guns in hand, slowly making their way to the door. "Cas?" Dean asked looking inside. He didn't hear or see anything so he flipped on the light. There was still no sign of the angel.

"Cas!" Dean called again, more panicked this time. He looked around the room. When he made his way over to the side of the bed closest to the bathroom he saw the dress, shoes, and jewelry that Cas had worn that evening, lying on the floor. "Cas!" he called again, his heart pounding.

He made his way into the bathroom and his heart stopped. The sink, the floor, and the toilet were covered in blood, and on the floor were Castiel's blood soaked angel blade and trench coat.

"Oh, God," Sam said, appearing next to his brother, his heart sinking.

Dean fell to his knees and scooped the angel's belongings into his arms. He looked at his brother, tears forming in his eyes, and then back at the blood soaked blade and coat in his hands.   And he started to tremble. "Cas," he sobbed. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to the angel.

"Cas!"