Broken, a Destiel Story

Part 21

Sam couldn't sleep that night. He sobbed, thinking about his Mom, and Jack, and Cas, and feeling so very alone.  He just wished he could get through to Dean.  His brother had always felt things so deeply, but he was also incredibly stubborn.  Usually they had each other to lean on but Sam wasn't sure what to do with Dean behaving the way he was.  

He slid out of bed, wiping his tears away, and decided to take a shower and shave since he couldn't sleep anyway.  Then as he sat on the edge of the bed, staring into the abyss, he heard his phone buzzing.  Who on earth would be calling him at 2am?  He picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID.  It was Cas.  He swiped to answer and put the phone to his ear.  

"Cas?" he said, "is everything okay?"

"Sam," Cas's gruff voice came over the phone,  "you sound terrible."

Sam chuckled ever so slightly, rubbing his forehead.  "Yeah, I feel pretty terrible, too," he said. But a warmth spread over him at hearing the angel's voice.  It was a small comfort in the midst of all of his turmoil. "What's up, Cas?  Are you and Jack okay?"

"We're fine, physically," Castiel said.  He paused and then talked more softly and Sam could tell he was trying to keep Jack from hearing.  "Emotionally, Jack's not doing so well, Sam.  He keeps saying he's fine, but I've been around humans long enough to know when they are lying."

"I'm sorry, Cas," Sam said.  "Look, I know what Dean did, it wasn't fair.  It wasn't right.  Please, tell Jack that I forgive him.  I know it's going to take a while longer for Dean to come around, but, he should at least know that he and I are good.  Will you tell him that?"

"Of course," Castiel said.  "How are you, Sam?  You sound exhausted.  I hope I didn't wake you.  I guess I forgot that you would probably be asleep at this hour."

"It's okay, Cas, I was awake anyway.  Haven't been sleeping much lately, you know?"

"I'm sorry, Sam," Cas said genuinely.  "I should have called you sooner to check up on you.  I guess I haven't really known what to do with Dean and I at odds.  But that's really no excuse.  You're my friend, too.  I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Cas, I get it," Sam said.  "I could have called you too, and I didn't.  Probably for the same reason."

"So how are you, really?" Cas asked.

"Not good," Sam answered, honestly.  "Drinking more than I should be, and not eating or sleeping nearly as much as I should be.  Dean's pissing me off."

"Yes, he has that affect on people sometimes," Cas said.  "I'm not very happy with him myself at the moment, but I can only imagine how difficult it's been for you.  You're a good brother, Sam.  And a good friend.  I want you to know that."

"Thanks, Cas.  You are a good friend, too.  I'm really glad you called.  It's good to hear your voice.  I'm feeling a little less alone."

"Sam, do you need us to come home?" Castiel asked, concerned.  "Because we can, and Dean can just, suck it up, as you say, if he has to."

Sam chuckled slightly.  "No, I don't think so, Cas.  I appreciate it, but I think I'll be okay.  Let's give it a little bit longer and see if Dean comes around.  I don't want to put Jack in an uncomfortable situation."

"I understand," Castiel said.  "Well, we're here if you need us.  You can always call.  I don't sleep."

"Yeah, I know," Sam said, smiling slightly.  "Thanks, Cas.  You guys take care of yourselves, okay?"

"You, too, Sam."

Sam ended the call and laid back in his bed.  He rolled over and almost instantly fell asleep.  

***********

Sam slowly opened his eyes.  He stretched and yawned.  He rolled over and looked at his alarm clock.  He almost fell out of bed in surprise when he saw that it was nearly noon.  He hadn't slept like that in years.  He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.  He felt better after talking with Cas the night before.  More hopeful, less alone, less despairing.  He took a deep breath and got dressed, getting ready for the lecture he was sure was coming from Dean for sleeping in so late.  

But when he got out to the main room of the bunker Dean wasn't there.  He checked the kitchen.  No Dean, so he went to his brother's room and knocked on the door.  No one answered so he went in.  Dean's bed was empty, but he saw his brother passed out on the floor, beer bottles around him.  He sighed and went to make some coffee and then came back and poked Dean with his foot to wake him up.  

"Hey," he said.  "Dean, wake up, it's almost noon.  Come on."

Dean groaned.  "Sammy?" he said, sitting up and putting a hand to his head.  "Ahh, kill me," he said.

Sam grabbed his brother's arm and helped him stand.  But as soon as Dean was upright he was racing for the bathroom.  He came back a few minutes later wiping his mouth.  

"That was vile," Dean said.  He put his hand to his stomach and sat on the foot of the bed.  

Sam handed him the coffee he'd made him while he was in the bathroom.  Dean nodded in thanks and took it.  

"Hey, why were you on the floor?" Sam asked.  "You have this big, fancy bed Cas made you guys and you pass out on the floor?"

Dean looked behind him at the bed.  The bed that Castiel had made for them and given to him as a birthday gift.  He hadn't been able to sleep in it since Cas had left.  Being in it without Cas, it just didn't feel right, but he couldn't admit that to Sam.  "Just where I was I guess," he said.  But he could tell Sam wasn't buying it when his brother raised an eyebrow at him.

"Dean, the bed is made, and you never make the bed," Sam noticed.  "You haven't slept in it since Cas left, have you?  You've been sleeping on the floor this whole time."

Dean looked down, embarrassed.  "Not the whole time," he said.  "I passed out on the couch once or twice.  Or at the table."

"Uh hu," Sam said.  "Well, that explains the blankets on the floor."  He waited for Dean to take another sip of coffee and then spoke again.  "Look, Dean, maybe you should talk to him."

"Don't, Sam," Dean warned, sternly.  

Sam put his hands up in defense.  "Okay," he said, deciding not to push it.  "Finish your coffee, and maybe take a shower?" he pleaded.  "I'm gonna go see if there's anything going on out there."

"Dude, what took you so long?" Sam asked when Dean showed up almost an hour later. Dean was holding a hand to head and moaning.

"Let's just say I was doing more than showering," he said. "Anything on the radar?" he asked as Sam handed him another cup of coffee.

"Yeah, actually, it looks like there's a Vamp nest nearby," Sam said.  "Wanna check it out?"

"I don't know, Sammy, I'm still pretty hungover," Dean said, sitting down at the table gingerly.  

"Right," Sam said.  "Okay, well, I'll go scope it out, and if I think I can handle it I will, and if not I'll come back for you and we can handle it together when you're feeling a little less hungover."

Dean wasn't sure he liked the idea of Sam going off on a hunt by himself but his little brother seemed like he was itching to leave and chances were he would be fine. And he trusted Sam to contact him if he needed help, so he just gave him a thumbs up sign and drank more coffee.  

Sam closed his laptop and gave Dean the coordinates of where he would be in case anything went wrong.  "If you don't hear from me in a couple of hours come look for me," he said, and then he was gone.