The Tomlinsons | l.s. AU

Chapter 18

Being happy without him seemed impossible a month ago. But I found happiness with someone else. It all started because of him, so I guess I have to give him some credits. I found the person who I can be with, hold his hand without being tense, I can kiss him without feeling guilty and I can spend as much time with him as I want. I never thought I'd be with him, but now, it's been almost a month since our first kiss and I'm okay.

"What are you thinking about, baby?" Zayn asked me while we were cuddling in my bed. He caressed my tummy and I smiled. He couldn't see my smile though. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Just about how lovely the past month was." I answered. After I heard the answer to my song, I was adamant to let it go. It hurt the both of us and maybe if I showed Louis, I was moving on, it would hurt him less as well. Every day I started spending time with Zayn and he even came with to babysit the babies, who were now already walking and almost running as well. He loved them as well and they loved him, too. The next day we went out and we both liked it. I think. I guess we got a bit too drunk, though. I still remember everything, so we couldn't be that drunk.

"'arry, what u doing?" Zayn slurred and I laughed at him. We were currently dancing to a song from Queen and our bodies were intertwined. His lips were on my neck and my hands were holding his body against mine. It felt so comfortable, like he is actually the one who I end up with. It was so easy, so natural. Without any guilt or hurt. I was confused for a second about my thoughts, as I've never before thought about Zayn in that way. I wondered if he ever thought about me in that way. I moved away a bit to look at his face and he only smiled and brought his hands to my face.

"You have a lovely face, y'know?" He said while closing his eyes and I started wondering just how much he had to drink. I laughed it off and hugged him again. "It's so nice being with you right now. So easy, y'know." He continued and I smiled some more and we kept on dancing.

"I wish I could just be with you. We could hold hands, be seen in public and everything." He said and that caught me off guard. I started thinking about it, and he was right. It would be so easy to love him. I didn't say anything.

"Sorry, if that freaked you out, I'm just thinking out loud." He continued and I stopped him. I moved away a bit and looked into his eyes. My hands made their way to his face and he closed his eyes at the touch. "It would be easy, wouldn't it?" I said and smiled softly. I could just move forward a bit and kiss him. But before I could do it, his lips were already on mines. It was nice. It was comfortable and nice. But I didn't wish for it to stay like this forever. I didn't feel like I'd die if he let go. I didn't feel like I was going to die, if he stops holding me. But it was nice. Our lips moved against each other and his hands held the back of my neck. It was comfortable and we kept dancing.

"Wow, that was nice." He said when we finally detached our lips and he put his forehead on mine. I just smiled again, agreeing.

"You thinking about the day after our first kiss as well? The talk I dreaded so much?" I was back at my room with him holding me. It was indeed dreadful.

"I'm sorry about the kiss. I don't know what came over me." I said to him when we met up the next day. He looked at me.

"What are you sorry for? I kissed you. Do you regret it?" He answered.

"I don't know. I don't want to give you false hope or anything. I love another man, you know. But it would also be a lie if I said I didn't like it."

"I know I didn't regret it as well. And I get it. I do. You know how I feel about Mr. Payne. But I don't know, I just thought maybe if I found someone else I could spend time with and someone that I like, I could get over him faster, you know?" He said and I started thinking about it. Maybe he was right. Maybe it could really help me get over Louis. And maybe it would help Louis get over me as well if he saw I was happy with Zayn. I don't know why, but I hoped he'd like Zayn.