A year ago I read a story for a smash, but poked so many holes into it via comments along the way that the author threw in the towel and told me to stop and not keep reading. I brought her to drinking. I made her cry. I started to have a bit of a reputation on our mutual discord as I drank in the delicious tears. I left destruction and mourning in my path and people knew to fear me as they formed support groups for my victims.
Now, after rewriting the whole thing, the author has thrown herself on the altar to be sacrificed and to test me. To challenge. ME!
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TLDR; An original fantasy following a girl trying to save her people, make friends along the way, and find out who she is beyond being a girl with a fetish for being high. Also dragons. And its the first part of a trilogy.
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Main Characters - Smashing! - The main characters are cool, badass in healthy ways, with clear emotion and values. There is plenty of mystery behind them and their actions that is revealed over time. Pre-rewrite one was a mary sue and the other was an enabler to the sue-ness, and this has been, thank god, smashed. One is Wren and the other is Lorca. They both do their jobs well, bringing drive and purpose. They have their flaws and weaknesses, and there is some drama (albeit weakly), and some humor.
I love the improvements to Lorca, he seems to finally have some competence and personality instead of a 'OMG YOU SO AWESOME I MUST BOW BEFORE YOU' mouthpiece to Wren's awesomeness. Even as he fails, he at least tries to fight, and is capable of dealing with heavy blows. He teaches from experience, he finally has solid motivation that really brings out his pain and dreams to light, and he grows from being a side character to a proper primary. Yet even while saying that, it is just short of a fully well-rounded character. There is yet a little further he can go. Could use small improvements to really bring out things already shown. Like he has said he has never been out far, so bring out the mystery to him where he explores. Even something as simple as giving him a honeybun and he is like "what is this? it looks weird" and then he takes one bite and is instantly addicted because its the best shit he's ever eaten. The growth in him is fine and the growth as a character works fine, but there are some moments that the story is just begging to have that aren't there to keep it light in act 2. Like I loved the whole thing about them pondering the idea of setting fire to shit in act 3, that was hilarious and perfect and showed him as having that side of himself. Just take the elements and plotpoints presented and explore them, give them room to breath, instead of leaving them behind as quickly as they appear.
